#and i really only started seriously working on it in like

[calumcxke]

NOTHING SAFE IS WORTH THE DRIVE - L.HS

pairing: playboy!heeseung x inexperienced!reader

summary: lee heeseung was an asshole. you had decided that. having to work with him on a group project made things a hundred times worse. but when a heart longing to experience love for the first time meets someone more than willing to give it, the line between irritation and something deeper starts to blur.

wc: 37.9k (i’m sorry)

warnings: reader is completely inexperienced, angst, miscommunication, reader falls too quickly and gets flustered very easily, kinda slow burn but not really, heeseung plays basketball but it’s barely mentioned, heeseung calls reader “princess” a lot, kissing, making out, features wonyoung (ive), yunjin (le sserafim), beomgyu (txt), sieun (stayc), reader cries a lot

smut warnings: dry humping, oral (f rec.), unprotected sex, virginity loss

🎵: playlist

notes: it’s here!! i'm SO sorry this took so long, i was having issues with tumblr :( this was originally only supposed to be 20k words… idk what happened. but it’s a rollercoaster and i love it!!! have fun reading! <3

you had heard of him before you ever saw him. everyone knew his name- whispered in dorm hallways, watched at games, the life of the party. a reputation built on charm, late-night hookups, and the kind of confidence that made girls fall to his feet with every word he said. you never cared to pay him any mind. but today, you walked into class and found him sitting in your seat. lee heeseung. just your luck. you hesitated for half a second before walking up to him. he was hunched over his phone, tapping out a message, looking about as invested in being here as a teenager at their grandma’s bingo game. "that’s my seat." his eyes flicked up at you, slow and lazy, like you’d interrupted something important. he gave you a once-over- casual, unreadable- and then, just as plainly, looked back at his phone. "doesn’t have your name on it." you exhaled sharply. of course. "i’ve been sitting here all semester." "congrats." he didn’t even look at you this time. "find another spot." and just like that, every rumor, every complaint you’d heard about him settled into place. arrogant. entitled. exactly the kind of guy you had no patience for. fine. whatever. you weren’t about to argue with someone who clearly wasn’t worth the energy. wordlessy, you drop into the seat beside him, pull out your notebook, and act like he doesn’t exist. he didn’t pay you any mind after that, instead shifting so he was leaned back against the seat, his feet kicked out in front of him. you wondered what made heeseung so popular with the ladies. sure, he was attractive. that much was undeniable. sadly. but you had barely had a ten second interaction with him, and he had already managed to piss you off. you bit the inside of your cheek, holding back a sigh as you waited for the professor to show up. the universe had to have been out for you today. you woke up late, you’re out of your go-to breakfast bars, and you’re sitting next to lee heeseung in class. you were silently praying nothing worse could happen. you hadn’t signed up for this. you were just trying to get through this class and move on with your day. but here you were, next to the campus playboy himself, the guy who never seemed to take anything seriously, the guy who had a different girl on his arm every weekend. you tried not to look over at him. you really did. but he practically radiated attention. his messy hair fell perfectly in place, and his broad shoulders took up way too much space for someone who was so annoying. heeseung wasn’t talking to you, but you could feel his presence next to you, and it was somehow more distracting than if he had been talking to you. the way his fingers tapped on the desk, the faint cologne smell that wafted over to you, even the way his shoes shifted against the floor- it was like he was intentionally making everything around him more noticeable. you hated how easily he commanded the room. you hated that even now, you were aware of him more than anyone else. and of course, the universe had to pick today to make you sit right next to him. of course, it had to be this class, the one you hated the most. the one you dreaded attending every single day. you were so deep in thought that you barely noticed when your professor- dr. kim- walked in, snapping you out of your spiral. he glanced up from his notes, then scanned the room with a smile. “alright, everyone,” dr. kim began, “i’ve got the group project assignments here. please try to work well with your partners, and don't hesitate to reach out if you have any questions.” your eyes widened slightly at his words, gulping as your eyes flickered down to your notebook. group project? there had been no mention of this before. or maybe there was, and you just forgot.

  there was one thing about you. you hated group projects. they were the bane of your existence. you preferred to work alone, at your own pace, and not having to be stressed out by a freeloader or have awkward study sessions that consisted of deafening silence. "and for the final pair…" dr. kim’s voice broke through your haze, "y/n and heeseung." fuck. of course, the universe was never on your side. your eyes shot to him automatically, your stomach doing a flip that had nothing to do with excitement. his eyes flickered to meet yours, his expression unreadable. and then, a quirk of his lips and a tilt of his head. like he was observing you. you groaned internally, wishing for nothing more than for the floor to swallow you whole, turning your gaze back to your notebook. the professor was still talking, but all you could focus on was how you'd somehow ended up in this mess. you barely met this guy, he was an ass, and now you had to work on a project with him. “guess we better get used to each other, huh?” heeseung’s voice was low and casual, breaking the silence between you two. you forced a smile, nodding at him, “i guess.” you were already dreading the next few weeks. you sat in silence for the rest of the class. he didn’t speak to you, and you didn’t speak to him. you wondered if things would’ve gone differently if your morning had gone better, or if heeseung hadn’t been such an asshole. you couldn’t wait to tell wonyoung and yunjin about how shitty your day was already. as dr. kim wrapped up, you sat there, wondering just how you were going to survive this. there was no way to escape the fact that you were going to have to work with heeseung. you only hoped you’d survive it with your sanity intact. he had already proved just how arrogant he could be. the moment dr. kim dismisses class, you’re up out of your seat, dying to get out of this hell-sent class and to the comfort of your go-to café with your friends. you’re so close to the door when you hear his voice- smooth and casual, like he owns the place. “hey, y/n,” heeseung calls, and you freeze, your hand still on the strap of your bag. you turn to face him, trying to hide the frustration written all over your face. “yeah?” you reply, fighting to keep your tone neutral, but he can hear the hint of annoyance in it anyway. he flashes that signature smirk of his, leaning casually against the desk like he owns the whole room. “we’re gonna need to exchange numbers for the project,” he says, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “so we can work around my basketball stuff, y’know? i can’t really be falling behind.” you feel your eye twitch. of course anything other than class would be more important to him. the star player of the basketball team is unable to commit to a school project. you push the annoyance aside, instead reaching into your back pocket and pulling out your phone. “sure,” you mutter, handing it to him after opening the phone app. you can’t help but notice how his fingers brush against yours, the touch sending a small chill through you. he taps a few things into your phone before handing it back. “i’ll text you later,” he says, his smile a little too knowing. you can already feel the heat rising in your cheeks, but you refuse to give him the satisfaction of letting him see it. you nod curtly and turn on your heels, heading straight out the door.

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“and then i woke up late! nothing is working out today!” you whisper-shout, dramatically letting your head fall into your hands as wonyoung watches you with a smile, yunjin scrolling on her phone and only halfway listening to your angry rant. “so, how’s that class going?” wonyoung asks, her tone casual as she stirs her drink. “you still surviving?” you had told them how much you hated your history class, practically having a complaint about something every time you attended it. “barely,” you mumble, finally lifting your head from your hands. “we got assigned group projects today.” wonyoung puffs out a breath of air, squinting her eyes. “brutal. who’d you get paired with?” you glance at her, your face blank, silently hoping she can see the despair in your eyes as you groan, throwing your head back in annoyance before mumbling, “lee heeseung.” you hear yunjin gasp slightly, looking back to see her finally staring at you with wide eyes before slamming her phone down on the table. “wait… heeseung?” she asks, a disbelieving scoff slipping past her lips. “as in the heeseung who’s like… the playboy basketball player?” you nod slowly, suddenly feeling way more nervous than you’d like to admit, “yep. that heeseung.” wonyoung laughs softly, pushing your shoulder with her arm. “no way. the universe really hates you, doesn’t it?” you glare at her, flipping her off with an eye roll, “it’s not funny. i’m gonna slam my head into the nearest wall.” “let’s not do that,” yunjin shakes her head, placing her chin on her palm as she tilts her head at you, “what’s the big deal, anyway? he’s just a player.” you sigh, playing with the rim of your cup while shaking your head, “he was an absolute ass this morning. it was like… the worst first impression of anyone i’ve ever had. i actually can’t deal with that for a whole project on top of the class already being a shithole.” wonyoung leans back in her chair slightly, looking at you with an amused smile. “he can’t be that bad. maybe you’re just having a bad day and he happened to rub you the wrong way.” you roll your eyes, but her words don’t make you feel any better. “yeah, sure.” “plus,” yunjin adds, leaning forward with a smirk, “maybe you can have some fun. i mean, make the most of it. you’re working with lee heeseung. most girls would kill to be in your spot.” you stare at them both, you lips parted in slight disbelief.  “yeah, well they can have him.” the two girls smile at you, clearly more entertained by your suffering and how overdramatic you were. you bring up another topic, eager to get the attention off of you and your project from hell, instead shifting the focus to yunjin’s project in music theory.

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wonyoung was wrong. horribly wrong. heeseung was that bad. you check your phone for the fifth time in the last ten minutes, the glowing screen mocking you with the time. heeseung was supposed to be here half an hour ago. thirty whole minutes. you sigh, your fingers tightening around your phone. you had already texted him- a simple, are you still coming?- but it was staring back at you with “delivered” right under it. your fingers tap against the table impatiently as you stare down at the open laptop in front of you. the library is quieter than usual, the hum of low voices and the occasional rustle of pages filling the space. you consider packing up and leaving, your hands beginning to collect the pencils and highlighters you had set out around you. “you’re pretty dedicated to this, aren’t you?” you don’t even need to look up to know who it is. finally. slowly, you lift your gaze, leveling heeseung with an unimpressed stare. he’s standing there, hands stuffed into the pockets of his hoodie, looking completely unbothered. like he hasn’t just left you waiting for half an hour. “you’re half an hour late,” you deadpan. heeseung grins, like he finds your irritation amusing. “technicalities.” you scoff, shaking your head. “you said we’d meet at six.” “yeah, and i meant it,” he says, smirking at the way you roll your eyes. “it’s just that… time is a social construct.” is he fucking serious. you gape at him, your eyebrows furrowed. “are you seriously trying to use philosophy as an excuse?” “would you rather me lie?” he asks, finally sitting, slinging his backpack onto the table. “i’d prefer you actually care about this project. it’s a huge part of our grade, heeseung.” he waves a dismissive hand, pulling his laptop out of his backpack. “relax, princess. i’m here now, aren’t i?” you gulp at the nickname, turning your head back to your laptop to open up the assignment. “barely,” you mumble. heeseung chuckles, enjoying your annoyance. “fine. i had practice, it ran later than expected.” “that’s all you had to say,” you reply, your eyes flickering up to meet his, “and a text would’ve been nice.”

“can’t really text when i’m on the court, princess.” he shoots back, tilting his head with a smile. you exhale sharply, already regretting ever agreeing to meet with him. “can we just start? we’re already behind schedule.” luckily, he agrees, his eyes drifting to his own laptop. you sigh, your own attention drifting back to your laptop. all you can do is hope that things begin to go smoother than this at some point. because right now, you’re considering slamming your head into your laptop or the table. you try to focus, you really do. but it’s hard when every few minutes, heeseung is moving. drumming his fingers against the table, shifting in his seat, clicking his pen as he reads articles on his computer. finally, you snap, your eyes looking up at him from your screen. “are you always this restless, or do you just have an allergy to being productive?” heeseung blinks at you, lips quirking up like he finds your irritation entertaining. “nah, i’m just bored. this class is stupid.” “why are you like this?” you roll your eyes, glaring at him. “even if this class is stupid, it’s still an important project.” “like what?” he tilts his head, all faux innocence, completely ignoring your second statement. “charming? fun to be around?” you scoff. “you were late. plus you were a dick this morning.” heeseung chuckles, shaking his head lightly. “c’mon, princess. loosen up a bit. you’re making a big deal over nothing.” “look, i had a shitty day. you’re not making it any better,” you mutter, scoffing again. a voice in the back of your head wonders if you’ve broken the world record for scoffing this much in five minutes. heeseung leans forward, resting his chin on one hand. “i’m sorry. you know… i’m pretty good at relieving stress.” your jaw drops. “excuse me?” you clear your throat, trying to ignore the way his words have a blush creeping up your cheeks, instead turning your attention back to your laptop. “just focus on your work, heeseung. we need to plan out who’s gonna do what part.” you don’t miss how he tilts his head, a knowing smile on his lips as he clicks his tongue, nodding. “alright. just remember we have to work around my schedule.” you let out a groan, your head rolling back as you look back towards him. “heeseung!” he only laughs in response, shaking his head at how you get embarrassed when other students give you dirty glares. “sorry,” you mumble softly, your eyes glaring at him. “focus.” an hour later, you guys had made relatively good progress. you had divided tasks, and heeseung had done his work, for the most part. he still found every opportunity to get on your nerves, but at least he did so while being productive. you both pack up in silence, swinging your bag over your shoulder. you spare him a glance, mumbling out a small, “bye, heeseung.”

just as you step outside, you hear the unmistakable sound of sneakers scuffing against the pavement behind you, “where you headed?” you turn your head slightly to see heeseung strolling up beside you, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his hoodie as he looks down at you. “my dorm,” you reply, shifting your bag higher on your shoulder, “it’s late.” he nods, shrugging as he continues to walk next to you, “i’ll walk you.” you stop in your tracks, turning to face him with narrowed eyes. “why?” he tilts his head, raising his eyebrows slightly. “why not? i have nothing else to do.” “because…” you search for a logical reason, but there really seems to be none. you blurt out the only excuse that comes to mind. “it’s late.” he furrows his brows, falling in place beside you as you begin to walk again. “it’s 7:30.” you glance at him, shrugging. “that’s considered late for some people.” he smirks, tilting his head at you, an amused look on his face. “what if i just enjoy your company, princess?” your face heats at the nickname, and you roll your eyes, quickening your pace. “we barely know each other.” “well, i’d like to change that.” he keeps up effortlessly, long strides matching yours with ease. you scoff, trying to ignore the affect his words have on you. “i think you like to get on my nerves, heeseung.” he grins, nudging your shoulder lightly. “that too.” you sigh, glancing at him before looking straight ahead. but you don’t tell him to leave. maybe a part of you deep down enjoys the company. maybe you could allow for a part of yourself to feel wanted if the campus playboy was walking you back to your dorm. and if your heart stumbles a little when he walks just close enough for your arms to brush, you choose to ignore it. 

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the door clicks shut behind you, sealing you off from the rest of the world. you let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding, pressing your back against the door as if that alone could ground you. it doesn’t. your mind is still running, replaying the moments heeseung’s arms brushed against yours, or the cocky smirks he sent your way, or the remarks he would make to get under your skin. with a frustrated groan, you push off the door and drop your bag onto your desk chair. you smush your cheeks with your hands, sighing, as if that will stop the warmth from creeping up your cheeks again. heeseung is nothing but trouble. you know that. everyone knows that. a playboy who knows how to charm his way into girls hearts with cocky words and athletic skills that has anyone swooning. and yet… your stomach twists. you shouldn’t like his attention. you shouldn’t feel special. heeseung flirts with everyone. that’s just how he was. so why was your stomach in knots? why was your mind replaying every interaction with him- no matter how insufferable he was? you collapse onto your bed, staring up at the ceiling. you don’t know how to handle this. it’s not like you have experience. no boyfriend, no first kiss, hell, you haven’t even held hands with a guy romantically. the concept of flirting- especially with someone like heeseung, who’s it’s practically second nature to- is foreign to you. you don’t know whether you’re looking too deeply into things, or if there’s actually something there. you turn onto your side, hugging your pillow. reading too many romance novels had truly skewed your perception of love. this wasn’t a movie. the playboy wasn’t going to fall for the girl in class. this was reality, and things didn’t work like that. sadly. you’re overthinking it. reading too deeply into his words, his touches, his actions. but why does your heart speed up at the thought of him? you sigh, squeezing your eyes shut and hoping to turn off your overactive brain. but instead, you feel that same flutter in your chest every time you think about him. the sound of the door opening catches your attention, glancing behind you to see yunjin entering the dorm. her presence relives you slightly, knowing you’ll have a distraction from the storm of confusion in your brain right now. she sends a smile your way, kicking off her shoes and walking towards you.

"what’s going on?" she asks, raising an eyebrow as she surveys you curled up on your bed. "you look like you’re seconds away from ripping all your hair out.” you laugh breathlessly, flopping on your back so you can look at her without straining your neck. “i’m fine.” you watch as she smiles slightly, shaking her head and making her way to the edge of your bed, sitting down. “don’t lie. what is it?” you hesitate, knowing full well what’s bothering you. but you can’t exactly tell yunjin, can you? she knew you better than anyone, knew how insecure you were about having no experience. she would tell you to wake up, and not to fall for his playboy antics. so you shrug, pursing your lips before you speak. “it’s just school. stuff is piling up, and i’m behind on a few assignments. i’m just overwhelmed.” yunjin studies your face, not saying much. you can tell she doesn’t buy it, and for a second anxiety bubbles inside you at the thought that she knows, or that she’ll keep pushing. but she doesn’t. instead, she nods. “i get it. school’s been ass lately. you’re smart, though. you’ll figure it out.” you nod, appreciating the way she doesn’t pry. pushing yourself on your elbows so you’re sitting up, leaning against the headboard, you smile. “well, we’ll see if i actually make it through the semester this time.” she giggles, gesturing for you to move over as she cuddles up beside you. “if you don’t wanna talk about it, what about we watch tv? it could get your mind off of things. we could continue rewatching business proposal?” you smile, your eyes lighting up at the mention of the show. “please, i can’t live without my daily dose of hari and taemoo.” she laughs, turning on the tv and going to netflix. you feel a pang of guilt for lying to her, and her knowing that’s she’s lying. but yunjin is your closest friend, she won’t pressure you for answers, and knows when to stop digging. you shake your head slightly, pushing your anxieties to the back of your head. right now, you just need netflix and yunjin’s presence. everything else can come later.

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you tap your pen against the edge of your notebook, staring at the notes that made you want to rip your hair out. why you had to sit here and listen to your professor talk about smallpox for over an hour was unbeknownst to you. plus, you hadn’t slept well last night. you and yunjin were up until 2 a.m., and when you finally decided to sleep, you couldn’t. your mind kept racing, your bed felt too uncomfortable, the room felt too hot. you didn’t feel like yourself. and then he walked in. hands in his pockets, his backpack slung over one shoulder. he was late, of course he was. it should be annoying- it is annoying, he’s annoying- but for some reason, something in your chest tightens. your fingers curl around your pen, forcing your eyes back to your notebook. this was not happening. you’re just irritated. that’s all. he’s been an ass, he was late yesterday, he’s late today, and he walked in like he owns the place. while you’ve been sitting here for the past twenty minutes, writing down notes that are definitely going to be important for the project. but then he slides into the seat next to you, the smell of his cologne wafting your way as he clears his throat. “what’d i miss?” you turn, narrowing your eyes. “twenty minutes of lecture.” “no shit, sherlock.” he replies, pulling a notebook out of his bag. “mind sending me those notes later?” you shake your head with an eye roll, turning back to the front of the classroom. “this is why you need to show up on time.” “c‘mon, princess,” he mumbles, a hand reaching out to tug at the one of the legs of your chair, “help a guy out.” you gasp at the unexpected tug, turning to glare at him. “what the fuck? stop that.” he only tilts his head, shrugging with that same stupid smirk. your stomach flips again, but this time, you focus on the irritation bubbling inside you. this is exactly why you would never fall for heeseung. because he’s insufferable. he’s rude. he’s never on time. he uses flirting as an excuse to get out of everything, to get girls to bow at his feet. he chuckles, moving his hand away. “you’re annoyed.” “of course i am, heeseung. leave me alone.” you mutter, scoffing as he only shakes his head playfully. “y/n. heeseung.” dr kim. speaks, your body tensing as you turn towards the front of the classroom, meeting your professor’s expectant eyes. “is this something important you would like to share with the class? or would you like to keep bothering everyone with your banter?” your cheeks immediately flush, your body running cold as all the heads in the classroom towards you two. you’ve never wanted the floor to swallow more than you did right now. you shake your head, your voice coming out quiet. “no sir, sorry about that.” heeseung says nothing, simply nodding his head. you were going to kill him. “alright, then. anyway, as i was saying…” dr. kim speaks, continuing on with the lesson like nothing happened as you sit there in humiliation.

“so…” he begins. “shut up.” you mumble back, your voice quiet as your eyes stay trained on your notebook, picking up your pen to continue writing down whatever nonsense your professor spills. you were pissed off now, all thoughts of entertaining the annoying boy sat next to you gone. you didn’t know if he had realized how embarrassed you actually were, but he didn’t push. you watched him shift in his seat so he was facing the front of the classroom out of your peripheral vision, also beginning to jot down notes. the rest of class drags on unbearably slow. you try to keep your focus on the lecture, but your mind buzzes with embarrassment, replaying the way dr. kim had called you both out in front of everyone. when class finally ends, you don’t waste a second in shoving your notebook into your bag, slinging it over your shoulder, and making a beeline for the door. of course, you’re never quite quick enough. heeseung appears next to you, falling in step beside you once again. “you’re really gonna ignore me after that?” you scoff, refusing to look at him as you keep your gaze trained ahead. “that’s exactly what i’m gonna do.” you hear him laugh, one that shows he clearly finds you entertaining. “it wasn’t that bad.” you finally glance at him, an annoyed expression on your face. “we got called out in front of the entire class for arguing like little kids, heeseung.” “and?” he grins, nudging your arm. “it was kinda cute. no big deal.” you inhale sharply, turning away before he can catch the way your face heats up. “you are insufferable. not everyone is as popular as you, alright? i don’t appreciate that many eyes on me.” he hums, tilting his head, as if he’s acknowledging your words. “where are you headed, anyway?” “lunch,” you say automatically, before realizing your mistake. a smirk creeps into his lips, adjusting his bag on his shoulder. “perfect. i’m hungry, too.” “no.” you blurt out, your eyes snapping to his. he feigns innocence. “no?” “you are not coming with me, heeseung. i’ve dealt with you enough today.” you clarify, trying to make your expression as serious as you can, looking to your front again. “why not?” he grins, clearly enjoying getting a rise out of you. “we’re partners, aren’t we? we need to work on our… chemistry.” you groan, rubbing your temples. maybe if you ignore him, he’ll take the hint. he does not take the hint. he continues to walk next to you, ignoring the stares of other girls wondering why heeseung is walking around with you.

so now, much to your dismay, you find yourself exiting the building with heeseung beside you, practically- no, literally- inviting himself to lunch. and as much as you hate to admit it to yourself, your stomach is in knots at the thought of spending more time with him. the walk is awfully quiet. heeseung doesn’t say a lot- much to your dismay. you wouldn’t say it’s peaceful, it was far from it. while heeseung may have been relaxed, just enjoying the walk, you on the other hand were losing it inside. caught between being annoyed at him or acknowledging whatever feeling was in your chest every time he was near. it wasn’t like you couldn’t pretend what the feeling was. you knew what a crush felt like. but you didn’t want to pay it any mind. how could you have a crush on lee heeseung? how could you fall for someone this quickly? you had to have set a new record for yourself. you decided it was just the fact that you were yearning for any kind of romantic attention, and heeseung was providing that… kinda. calling you ‘princess’ wasn’t exactly flirting. but you had never had this before, were you just expected to not be flustered? this feeling was treacherous, and you knew it. falling for the playboy was the last thing you wanted to do. you fidgeted with your hands, worries swirling around inside your head as you try to come up with an excuse that doesn’t make you seem like a touch-deprived college student. lost in your thoughts, you don’t notice the incoming cyclist until it’s too late. before you can process what’s happening, a firm grip wraps around your wrist, yanking you backward just in time. your breath stutters, a small squeak leaving you as you crash into something- someone. the scent of his cologne is suddenly overwhelming, your hands instinctively grabbing onto his hoodie to ground yourself. his arm is still around you, his body warm against yours, his grip on your wrist loosening, but not completely letting go. your heart pounds in your chest, and you don’t know if it’s from almost getting run over or him. you can feel his breath fanning lightly against your temple, his chest moving as he breathes in. was he always this built? you knew heeseung was strong, but you had never touched him. “careful, princess,” he murmurs, voice lower than usual. “you trying to get yourself killed?” you blink up at him, your lips parting, but no words come out. not when he’s this close, not when his arm is splayed across your back, his hand still holding onto your wrist lightly. and that’s when it hits you. this is a crush. you like lee heeseung. you pull away quickly, trying to ignore the warmth lingering on your skin as you clear your throat. “i- i wasn’t paying attention.” you stutter out, refusing to meet his gaze. heeseung lets out a soft chuckle, shoving his hands into his pockets as he watches you, nodding lightly. “yeah, i noticed.” you scowl, turning on your heel and stomping toward the café, hoping he doesn’t see the way your ears burn. he keeps up with you, and you can hear the smirk in his voice even when you don’t look at him. “so i don’t get a thank you?” you roll your eyes, trying to fight the blush climbing up your cheeks as you turn your head to the side, never realizing how interesting the road was. “thank you,” you mutter, your voice too quiet he almost didn’t hear. but he hums, and that’s enough for you to know he won’t push further… hopefully.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

it’s been a week. a week of trying to push away the way your heart speeds up whenever heeseung so much as looks at you. a week of acting like the casual touches and the teasing remarks don’t make your stomach flip. a week of trying to convince yourself you don’t like heeseung. a week of failing. now at lunch, you’re sat with wonyoung and yunjin, the conversation flowing easily between them- an annoying professor, a party next weekend, overdue homework- but the words barely process. your eyes are trained on heeseung across the cafeteria. the same place he always sits, with his team and friends, but now you can’t stop looking. he’s leaned back in his chair, laughing at something one of his friends said. he looks beautiful. you can admire his sharp jawline, or the way his adam’s apple moves when he throws his head back, laughing at a joke. and for some stupid, down bad reason, you can’t tear your eyes away. you’re not even aware you’ve been staring until yunjin’s voice snaps you out of it. “you can’t be serious.” your head snaps towards her, blinking in confusion. “what happened?” she doesn’t say anything. instead she pursues her lips, tilting her chin slightly in heeseung direction with a quirk of her brow. “heeseung.” your stomach drops, your mouth opening and closing as she waits for an answer. “it’s not like that,” you blurt, suddenly finding your untouched lunch very interesting. yunjin doesn’t buy it. she crosses her arms, watching you closely. “then why are you staring at him like that? is this why you’ve been so out of it lately?” silence. the air feels too thick, your face burning hotter by the second. you have no good excuse. no answer to her question, because that means you would have to admit it out loud. and you weren’t ready to do that. you hated how obvious you were being, how you were acting like every other girl he’s wrapped around his finger before now. finally, wonyoung- who has been watching this exchange like it’s the most entertaining thing she’s seen all day- chimes in, "i wouldn’t blame you.” you turn to her, your eyebrows raising. “what?” she shrugs, stealing one of your fries before tossing it in her mouth. "i’m just saying, he’s hot. everyone knows that. you’ve been spending a lot of time with him because of your project. i mean… would it be the worst thing if something happened?” your eyes widen more- if that’s even possible. but before you can get any words out, yunjin is speaking. she looks at her like she’s lost her mind, shaking her head quickly. "are you insane? don’t encourage this.” "i’m just saying!" wonyoung laughs, holding her hands up in mock surrender. “you never know.” yunjin scoffs, rolling her eyes dramatically. “no, we do know. heeseung is heeseung. an asshole.” she turns back to you, her expression softening slightly. "you just need to be careful.” it’s the same thing she always says. it’s everything that you’ve been telling yourself. you just nod, too embarrassed that they found out to even speak.

silence lingers between the three of you. you look on the food in front of you, the other students walking by, the ground. but you can feel their eyes on you, like they’re waiting for you to acknowledge their words- to say anything. wonyoung breaks the silence, picking at her nails, “i mean, it’s not like you have much experience- let me rephrase- you have no experience with this stuff.” your head snaps towards her, your jaw dropped. “what the fuck?” she smiles at you, shrugging. “i’m just pointing out the facts’ y/n. you get flustered by everything. you’re gonna fall too fast, especially with someone like him. that’s the reality for a romance virgin.” as if this moment wasn’t already embarrassing enough. your face burns, glaring at her. “a romance virgin? what the fuck does that even mean?” you go quiet, realizing you don’t have a comeback to her words, because as much as you hate it, she’s telling the truth. so you resort to sighing, grabbing a fry and plopping it in your mouth. “you guys are so annoying.” yunjin laughs, also stealing a fry from your plate. “we’re being realistic. and looking out for you.” “i don’t even like him,” you mumble, your mouth filled with a bite of food, wonyoung wincing at the sight. you only flip her off in response. she laughs, raising her eyebrows, “right. that’s why you were making heart eyes at him across the cafeteria. i’m surprised you didn’t raise up and start floating towards him.” you gape at her, scoffing as you shove her shoulder. “fuck off! i was not!” she doesn’t respond, but her and yunjin share a knowing look, smiles on their faces as they look back at you. you groan, pressing your hands against your face, “you guys suck. why are you torturing me?” yunjin speaks, her smile already telling you she’s about to make things worse, “just saying, do you really want heeseung to be your first everything?” you reach your hand over the table to smack her arm, practically glaring daggers at her as all she does is laugh. “yunjin! shut up!” she just shrugs, fighting back more laughs as you sulk in your chair, arms crossed against your chest. "what? i’m looking out for you. i mean, at least he’ll be good, he knows what he’s doing.” you decide to ignore her words, your cheeks burning as you look off to the side, sighing at how wonyoung laughs at her words. “i hate you,” you mumble, shaking your head. they only laugh more, wonyoung leaning over to give you a hug. you reciprocate, begrudgingly. you just want the floor to swallow you right now.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

you were late. to be fair, you weren’t that worried. heeseung was never on time to your study sessions. and, if anything, you were only going to be 5 minutes late. pushing open the door of the library, you’re greeted with the smell of books, the quiet sounds of footsteps, and fingers tapping keys quietly. time seems to slow in here, somehow. you like it. it’s so peaceful, everyone minding their own business. you stroll quietly, making your way to the study rooms on the side of the library. you had reserved one of the rooms, sending heeseung a text earlier in the day of which one to meet you at. you walk up to the door, the frosted glass frame with a big blue “5” staring back at you, before pushing it open. you’ll be able to set everything up, maybe get ahead a bit before you have to deal with him, go over things- but he’s already there. your brain short circuits, like all the thoughts you had disappeared. sitting in one of the chairs, leaned back with one leg stretched out and the other one bent. his hair is damp, which you assume is from practice, hanging in his eyes. a white wifebeater clings to his skin, leaving little to the imagination. his shoulders, his biceps, his chest, his torso. you swear you’re going insane. your eyes flicker to the way his forearm flexes when he scrolls on his phone, your fingers tightening around the strap on your bag. it’s only then that you realize you’ve been staring. his eyes flicker up from his phone as his gaze locks on yours, the corner of his lip rising. “like what you see?” you swallow, shaking your head as you step further into the room, letting the door shut behind you. “i’m just surprised you’re actually here on time.” he only nods, completely seeing through your little act. he leans back more, raising his arms above his head. he groans, and you can’t tear your eyes away from the way his muscles flex, or the way his shirt lifts- just slightly, but enough for you to see a sliver of his skin, his abs highlighted by the fluorescent lights shining down on you two. you feel insane. your body heats up, taking a deep breath as you (reluctantly) tear your eyes away from him. you busy yourself with pulling everything you need out, trying to ignore heeseung’s gaze on you. the space suddenly feels too small, and you regret reserving a room. you can’t look at anyone else, can’t find a distraction outside of this room. you’re stuck. heeseung pulls out his own laptop, opening it and speaking, like it’s the most casual thing. “you were staring.” your breath hitches, but you play it off, glaring at him. “i told you, i was surprised you were here on time.” his brows lift in amusement. “that’s all?” you nod, eyes turning back to your screen as you pull up the project. “that’s all.” “alright,” he hums, but the smile doesn’t drop from his face. your face burns, trying to push all thoughts of how good he looked away as you try desperately to lock in, typing out anything that seems of significance. this was going to be a long study session.

that it was. you were nearing the hour and a half mark, your brain starting to jumble all the words you read, taking in too much information at once. if you had to read one more article about the impact of diseases and medicine on our society you were sure you were going to start slamming your head against the table. for once, heeseung wasn’t being a pain. no remarks or teasing. he was silent, actually doing his work. you were grateful for the change, considering how earlier had gone. luckily the tensions had died down, and you two hadn’t talked since you walked in. then, without warning, he leans in. your body tenses, his arm reaching past you to grab a pen that had rolled over to your side. the scent of his cologne filled your nose, along with his breath lightly fanning against your cheek. you swallowed, trying to keep your eyes trained on your laptop like nothing was wrong. but he notices. of course he does. his fingers hover over the pen, but he doesn’t grab it. his gaze flickers to you, the corner of his lip lifting up. “you good?” his voice is lower, the teasing lilt evident in his voice already. you nod, swallowing the lump in your throat as you continue typing, trying to ignore how fast your heart is beating, “yeah, i’m fine.” he tilts his head, just watching you. then he moves a bit closer, your breath hitching. “are you sure?” he asks again, smiling slightly. you nod again, too scared to even look his way as you feel your cheeks burning up. “you’re too close. that’s all.” he grins, unable to hide how amusing this is to him, “too close?” you nod, confirming his words with a quiet, “yeah.” he doesn’t back away, instead slowly dragging the pen towards himself as he continues. “what, never had a guy this close before?” you open your mouth to respond- but no words come out. it’s like you glitched, the words refusing to leave your lips as you try to come up with an excuse, an insult, anything to get the attention off of you right now. fuck. he picks up on it immediately. his grin falters slightly, his eyes flickering over your face to gauge your reaction. “you haven’t?” you feel stupid. your chest tightens, embarrassment flooding you. you turn your head quickly- too quickly. not realizing how close the two of you were, your nose brushes against his as you stutter out words. “that’s not- no- i mean-“ “oh my god.” he mumbles, leaning back in his chair. “heeseung.” you speak, your eyes pleading with him. he blinks, the smirk gone off his face and replaced with curiosity. “you’ve never been kissed before? actually?”

“heeseung-” you mumble, no other word leaving your lips as your ears heat up, your stomach twisting as he stares at you. his grin returns, just slightly, a small laugh leaving him as he shakes his head. “that’s.. wow.” he doesn’t sound judgmental, more so surprised, but the damage was already done. “just drop it,” you mutter, suddenly feeling the need to get out of the room, closing your laptop and beginning to pack up. “that’s interesting,” he continues, slowly shutting his laptop as he continues to watch you, “you’re leaving?” you nod, trying to ignore the mortification you feel as you shove things into your backpack carelessly. “it’s already been an hour and a half.” you go to shove a pencil inside, but with how shaky your hands are, it slips through your fingers, landing on the table. “fuck,” you whisper, so quiet he almost doesn’t hear. he reaches for the pen, his fingers moving faster than yours as he twirls it in between his fingers, watching you. “you good?” you nod, holding out your hand for the pen, refusing to meet his eyes, “i’m fine. just- can i have it?” he hesitates, before slowly placing it in your palm. he doesn’t say anything, instead simply watching as you move your hand quickly, shoving the pen into your backpack, before quickly zipping it up and slinging it over your shoulder. you can feel his gaze on you, turning on your heel and making a beeline for the door. “i’ll see you in class,” you mutter, the door shutting behind you as you walk out as quickly as your legs will take you, trying to hold back the flood of emotions and embarrassment swirling inside you.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

it felt like everything hit you the second you stepped through the door. the silence only heightened the sound of your pounding heartbeat in your ears. you kick off your shoes, your hands shaky as you let your backpack fall to the floor. your mind can’t stop replaying every interaction with heeseung earlier that day. but it felt like so much more than that. it was about the way you slipped up, your own body betraying you and the truth slipping out. it wasn’t like being inexperienced was a bad thing- you knew that. but you hated how everyone around you was able to talk about it so casually. while you fell behind and lived vicariously through romance novels and cheesy romcoms. for once, you wanted to know what it was like. and for all people that could’ve found out- heeseung had to know. the boy who had a new girl on his arm every week, who was no stranger to romance. it felt mocking. embarrassing. like the universe was making a joke of you, pointing at you and laughing. your breath catches in your throat, tears spilling down your cheeks before you can process it. you don’t stop them, you don’t react. you simply stand there, small sobs leaving you as the defeated feeling takes over. you’d tried to hard to not let this take over. to be okay with the fact that you hadn’t experienced love yet, it was no big deal. but it somehow hurt more knowing the one you liked was probably the most unattainable person on campus. you shuffle towards your bed, your feet barely leaving the ground until you reach the foot of your bed, letting yourself fall forward, straight into a pillow. your tears soak the fabric, your mind swirling with insecurities and thoughts of yearning. to know. to feel. to be loved. it feels so impossible at this point. like love- true love- will never find you. it felt like everything was boiling over, your body curling up as your tears grow more intense, louder sobs slipping from your lips as your hands grip the pillow. you didn’t even know how long you had been crying for. you cried until no more tears came out, the sobs transforming into quiet sniffles and labored breaths, until exhaustion took over your body and lulled your body into a peaceful sleep, safe from all the worries of the outside world.

but the peace didn’t last. the sound of the door opening stirs you awake, yunjin’s voice filling the apartment. your body feels too heavy, a dull pounding in your head and a lump in your throat still remain as you turn over slowly. you rub your eyes, trying your best to remove the evidence of your breakdown through your sleepy confusion. “-and he was so fucking hot, y/n. ugh, i wish i would’ve gone over to his place. and he told me he had a good time, and he wants to see me again!” she spills, kicking off her shoes and throwing her purse somewhere near the door, flailing her hands as she recounts all the details. she pauses as she turns to you, finally taking in the state you’re in. “were you asleep? sorry. i didn’t mean to wake you up,” she laughs quietly, lowering her voice. you simply shake your head, still coming back to reality as you push yourself up. you speak, your voice scratchy and slurred from lingering exhaustion, “it’s fine. i shouldn’t have fallen asleep that early, anyway.” she walks over, sitting at the edge of your bed and looking at you, a smile on her lips before she takes in your puffy eyes. “you doing alright?” you swallow, pushing down the emotions that threaten to resurface. you nod, forcing a smile. “i’m good. just tired… i’ve had a lot of work lately.” she watches you, her head tilting like she doesn’t believe you. finally, a smile breaks out on her face as she lets herself fall back against your bed, turning her head to face you. “he was so perfect. like, usually i don’t like pisces men, but beomgyu? he was just.. fuck, y/n, i’m losing my mind.” you smile slightly at her lovesick rant, her words filled with a giddy happiness that only love can bring to you. you nod along to her words, her eyes lighting up when she recounts the best details. “are you going out again?” you ask quietly, playing with the hem of your blanket when she stops talking, simply staring at your ceiling with a lovesick smile. that question breaks her out of the trance, turning to you with a grin. “fuck yeah! he asked me to go to his place next? you know what that means,” she trails off, wriggling her eyebrows before kicking her feet, covering her face with her hands as she squeals. you laugh, although deep down, you wish you could know what it feels like. the feeling of being desired, of being wanted. and as yunjin continues to ramble, expressive hands and wide eyes, you can’t push down the feeling that creeps up and surrounds you, making you feel like you’re locked inside a dark room that has no key, no door. like you’re falling behind while everyone races ahead.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

“no.” the word leaves your lips before yunjin can finish her sentence, already knowing where it was going when she started with, “so, i was thinking…” you don’t look up from your laptop, hoping that if you don’t acknowledge them, they’ll drop it. they never do. wonyoung groans, flopping backwards onto your bed before she rolls over on her stomach, resting her chin on her hands as she stares at you. “y/n, please. you literally never go out.” you finally spare her a glance, before looking back at your computer. “i’m busy.” yunjin crosses her arms, a huff of air leaving her. “you fucking liar. all you do is rot in bed. then you wonder why you get no action.” you glare at her, choosing to ignore her jab at your love- or lack thereof- life. “i enjoy the tranquility.” “god, you’re hopeless.” she sighs, sitting on the edge of the bed beside wonyoung’s sprawled out figure. “you need to have some fun for once.” “i do have fun,” you reply, finally shutting your laptop, “a party is not my idea of fun. it’s sweaty bodies, and drunk people, and people making out against walls.” “you’re so dramatic,” wonyoung laughs, her hands tugging lightly at your calves. “it’s one night. maybe something will happen.” you shake your head, ignoring the puppy dog eyes she sends you. “no, nothing will. i’ll go and hate it, want to kill myself, and wish i could be back in bed watching reruns of gossip girl.” yunjin groans, tossing her head back at your resilience. “i’m gonna kill you. you’re coming to this party. you need some action. that’s probably why you’ve been so… whatever you’ve been, lately.” you freeze, shaking your head lightly. “i don’t need action.” wonyoung giggles, turning her head to smile at yunjin. “you know, y/n, she has a point. don’t you think it’s time to put yourself out there?” you roll your eyes, biting the inside of your cheek. “shut up.” but your stomach twists uncomfortably. they don’t mean it in a harmful way- to them it’s just teasing. they don’t know how much you hate having nothing, the fear of putting yourself out there. and after your breakdown a few nights ago, the topic felt heavier. more anxiety fills you as another thought creeps in. impossible to shake, growing larger the more you try to ignore it. if it’s a party, heeseung will be there. he always is. the thought of running into him after your last interaction makes your chest feel tight, your eyes flickering around the room. “i just don’t wanna go,” you mumble, trying your luck again. of course, they don’t listen. yunjin sends you a look, standing up and grabbing your arms, tugging you forward. you gasp, catching your balance before you tumble off your bed. “didn’t i already tell you you’re coming to this party? get up, loser.” you huff, reluctantly listening to her just this once. you toss your feet over the side of the bed, letting yunjin pull you to your feet. “you’re so lucky i love you guys,” you mutter, glaring at both of them. wonyoung squeals, practically flying off of your bed as she wraps you in a hug, jumping up and down. “finally! i’ve been waiting for this day forever!”

you only shake your head, trying to bite back a smile at her excitement. yunjin, on the other hand, has already made her way to your dresser, pulling random clothes out and tossing them over her shoulder. “okay,” she speaks, tossing a pair of shorts that are too short beside her, “we wanna make you look hot. but also not like you’re trying too hard, a good balance. heeseung’s gonna be there, right?” wonyoung laughs, making her way over to yunjin to look at the clothes she’s already picked out, holding them up to your body before nodding or shaking her head. your stomach, however, twists at the mention of his name. “i’m not trying to impress anyone,” you blurt, shaking your head as yunjin pulls out a tiny red dress, “i’m only going because you guys are forcing me.” she gives you a look, raising her eyebrows. “you realize we can see right through you, right? you act like we’re not your best friends. you want the guy, admit it.” you go silent, opting to roll your eyes at her words instead. she only laughs, tossing the red dress at you. “try that on.” “i’m not wearing this,” you mutter, holding it out in front of you.wonyoung whines, shaking your shoulders. “it’s a house party, girl. other people are going to be wearing so much worse. just try it.” you groan, reluctantly trying the dress on. it’s too tight, too short, showing off your body in ways you’re not used to. you look up, gauging the two girls’ reactions. yunjin tilts her head, analyzing you, before finally shaking her head. “no, i don’t think that’s very you,” she says, turning back to your closet. “you wanna look slutty, but like, fashion.” you furrow your eyebrows, almost wanting to laugh at how seriously they were taking this. “great explanation.”

wonyoung gasps, stopping both of you in your tracks. “yunjin, give me that shirt,” she exclaims, pointing to a black lace tube top yunjin is holding up. the lace wraps around itself, one edge falling to create an asymmetrical look. once yunjin hands it over, she grabs a black denim skirt off the floor, holding the items to your body as best she can. “yes. this is it,” she smiles, yunjin nodding beside her. “put this on. you’re gonna look so hot.” you can’t deny wonyoung’s words once you have the outfit on. it looks good, the pieces accentuating your body while not showing off too much. yunjin’s jaw drops slightly, nodding as you spin slowly. “i’m so in love with you.” you smile, shaking your head at her. wonyoung grabs a pair of black heeled-boots, the leather tight around your calves, with a platform that makes you at least 5 inches taller. yunjin nods, looking at wonyoung, “add a leather jacket.” once the whole outfit is assembled, you can’t deny it. you feel hot. you look hot. “you look amazing, y/n. heeseung’s one lucky guy.” wonyoung smiles, stepping up to you to adjust the top. you glare at her, an exasperated breath leaving you. “stop bringing him up. nothing has happened between us.” “yet,” yunjin says, a teasing smile on her lips. “oh, fuck off,” you laugh, flipping her off. you couldn’t help the feeling that settled in your stomach. was it anxiety? excitement? you couldn’t tell, but you knew this was going to be a long night. and maybe, deep down, a part of you wanted heeseung to see you in this outfit.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

you regretted coming the second you stepped through the door. music was blasting through the speakers, the volume combined with all the conversations happening almost unbearable. the smell of weed and alcohol invaded your senses almost immediately. people were everywhere you looked, crowded together. drinking, smoking, dancing, talking, making out. your feet slowed down, suddenly wanting to turn around and go back home. yunjin tugged your arm, forcing your feet to move again as she dragged you along, weaving through the mass of bodies, trying to avoid bumping into anyone. wonyoung was right. people were wearing much worse. you still felt out of place though. like people knew you didn’t normally dress like this. like people knew you were trying to look good just for this party. once the three of you stopped moving, wonyoung looked at you, immediately sensing your discomfort. “you’re fine. no one’s judging you, okay? everyone’s too caught up in their own thing here.” you only nodded in response, glancing around at everyone. “there’s… a lot of people here.” wonyoung laughs, finding your reactions cute. “yeah, that’s usually what it’s like at house parties.” the idea of willingly putting yourself in this environment weekly sent a chill down your spine. things like this weren’t your speed. though, sometimes, you wonder what it would be like to be an extrovert, to enjoy talking to others, spending your days socializing. wonyoung explains something to you, but you’re only halfway listening. your eyes are drifting around the party. looking for something, or someone. hoping to see his black hair in the crowd of people. a bit hard, when half the people here had black hair. “oh- there he is!” yunjin gasps, her words pulling you out of your trance as you look at her, raising your eyebrows. you follow her line of vision, nerves bubbling in you at the thought of actually seeing him- “beomgyu!” she smiles, turning to you and wonyoung with a cheesy grin. “i’m gonna go say hi. i’ll catch you guys in a bit?” “go get your man,” you smile, watching as she heads off, a pep in her step as gets closer to him. you turn back to wonyoung, unsure of what to do now that you were here.

“so, like, what do we do?” you ask, once again glancing around at the people around you. “talk to people. get a drink. find someone hot.” she nudges you at the last option, sending a teasing smile your way. “no.” your reply is immediate, shaking your head. “i’m not having any of my firsts at a random house party.” she sighs, throwing her head back before looking back at you. “you read too many romance novels.” you gape at her, your lips forming into a pout. “a girl can dream. let me wait for the one.” “well, looking like you do tonight,” she pauses, her eyes flickering up and down your figure, “i’m gonna be surprised if no one hits on you.” her sentence sends a hint of excitement through you, but you quickly shake your head, dismissing the feeling. “i’d rather someone not. that would just be awkward. i can’t talk to people.” she laughs, but she’s shaking her head. “this is exactly why you need to go out more. put yourself out there.” you don’t respond, your eyes flickering around the crowd of people once again, watching people's body language, and how they interact with one another. everyone looks so relaxed, simply enjoying the environment. “anyway,” wonyoung speaks, breaking the silence that settled between you two, “i’m gonna go get a drink. do you wanna come?” you shake your head, not feeling like navigating through the crowd of people once again, choosing to wait for wonyoung to get back. “no. it’s fine. i’ll wait.” “alright, do you want anything?” she continues, watching as you shake your head again, denying her offer. “i’ll be right back, then.” you watch as she walks off, weaving through the crowd and heading towards the kitchen. you lean back against the wall, fidgeting with your fingers as you wait calmly for wonyoung to return. she doesn’t. two minutes turn to five, which turns to ten, which turns to fifteen. people were starting to send you looks, wondering why you were standing around alone, with no drink. you felt out of place. no, you were out of place. you glance around, the nerves of everything becoming too overstimulating. you needed to get away from the crowds. slowly, you push through the crowd, making your way to the hallway. you slip past the people having conversations, and the couple making out against the wall. one door is cracked open, which you can only assume means it’s safe to enter. you wait outside for a bit, listening for if there’s any noises. it’s silent. you hesitate for a second, before finally pushing the door open. the room was empty, the quiet away from the loud voices instantly calming your nerves. you shut the door behind you, the noise of the party becoming even more muffled, feeling like a breath of fresh air.

you glanced around the room, your heart nearly stopping. heeseung was leaned against the wall, scrolling on his phone. could this night get any worse? he hadn’t noticed you yet, too busy scrolling on his phone. you gulped, feeling your face flush. you could turn around, you could leave the room. you should do that. but for some reason, your feet wouldn’t move. it was like they were planted into the ground. he lifted his gaze from his phone, locking eyes with you. you felt like a deer caught in headlights. his expression was unreadable, but he tilted his head slightly. a brief moment of silence passed between the two of you, your heart thudding loudly in your chest as he watched you. “y/n?” he asked, his voice sounding a bit surprised. “sorry,” you finally forced out, fidgeting with your fingers as your gaze drifts away from his, focusing on the wall instead. “i thought this room was empty.” he simply shrugged, a small smile on his lips. “too loud out there?” you nod, awkwardly shifting your weight from one foot to the other. this somehow felt more suffocating than the party did. “i didn’t mean to… bother you.” you mumble, turning around to head for the door. “you don’t have to leave,” he said, his voice quiet, your stomach fluttering at the sound, “i’m not doing anything. stay if you need a break. if you want.” you stand still, both choices seeming wrong. staying in the room with him felt like a mistake, but walking back out to the chaos of the party felt slightly worse. slowly, you nodded, turning around and stepping further into the room. “okay. uh, thanks.” you both stood there, not saying anything for a moment. you shifted your gaze around the room, your nerves palpable. and heeseung, of course, picked up on it. “this isn’t exactly your scene, is it, princess?” he asked, voice filled with that familiar teasing tone. you tried to ignore how the nickname had your heart doing somersaults, or how your face heated up. everything felt so much more elevated in the room. you swallowed, trying to push your nerves aside as you looked back at him. “uh, no, it’s not,” you mumble, almost wanting to laugh at how awkward you sounded. he hums, pushing himself off the wall and walking towards the bed, sitting on the edge. he looks at you expectantly, only laughing slightly when you raise your brows in response. “are you just gonna stand there the whole time?” your face flushes, suddenly feeling too embarrassed. your body moves before you realize it, getting closer to him. you can feel your heartbeat speeding up, his eyes watching you as you sit down next to him. you’re not an awkward distance away, but you made sure to put some space between the two of you. the room was quiet, except for the noise of your nervous breaths, your fingers fidgeting with each other.

“so,” he began, breaking the silence, “what’re you doing here, anyway?” you look at him, shrugging. “my friends dragged me along.” he hummed, tilting his head, “so then why are you in here?” this was humiliating. “one is talking to her date and another went to get drinks and didn’t come back,” you mumbled, trying to ignore the smile that crept up on his face. “damn, princess,” he huffed out a laugh, shaking his head lightly, “they ditched you?” “i mean, they’re more used to this environment. i wouldn’t wanna, like, hold them back from having fun,” you shrug, glancing down at your hands. “if you say so,” he responds, going quiet for a few seconds before speaking again. “i just still don’t see why you would even come, considering, y’know..” your stomach drops. your eyes flicker up to his, raising your eyebrows slightly. “considering… what?” he tilts his head, a slight smirk playing on his lips. “you’ve never kissed anyone. you weren’t lying about that, right?” heat rises on your cheeks, the embarrassment that hits you suddenly making you feel sick, once again stuck in a room with heeseung and talking about this. “heeseung. i don’t wanna talk about that.” “why? it’s nothing to be ashamed about,” he replies with a shrug, leaning back against the pillows and playing with the hem of his shirt. “you ever had a boyfriend?” “heeseung.” you say, but his expression tells you he’s not letting this go anytime soon. you sigh, your voice quiet, the word coming out as a hushed whisper, “no.” he was quiet, and the more the silence dragged on, the more you felt like you wanted the floor to swallow you. the same humiliating feeling from before was slowly making its way back, the room feeling like it was closing in on you. and then, heeseung spoke. “you ever wonder what it’s like? to kiss someone?” he asks, and you almost want to laugh. “that’s a stupid question,” you blurt before you can stop it, listening to the way he laughs quietly. “sorry. had to make sure,” he replies, and this, for some reason, doesn’t feel as bad as last time did. it doesn’t feel like he’s judging you. more so, just asking questions. “of course i do. it’s kinda hard not to when all everyone talks about is their love lives,” you reply, finally opening up a bit. you don’t know why you’re telling him this much. you could’ve diverted the conversation, made him talk about something else, but you were opening up. you were trying to ignore the anxiety bubbling in your chest. from being in a room alone with heeseung, to discussing your desolate love life with him. it felt unnatural- it was unnatural. you were never one to open up to people easily, but it felt like he did it without trying (well, besides when he wouldn’t like a topic go).

“i could teach you,” he speaks, and your head snaps up to his so fast you’re surprised your neck didn’t break in the process. it felt like time stopped. you couldn’t hear the music outside, or the muffled voices. all you could hear was your heartbeat in your ears and the way your breathing picked up. heeseung continued to stare at you, his eyebrows raised slightly as he waited for an answer. “w-what?” you stutter out, trying to convince yourself you heard his words wrong, that you made it up, some kind of excuse. “i said i could teach you. you heard me,” he repeats his words, the corner of his lip lifting up again. your breath hitched. the silence was too loud, the two of you just staring at each other as you tried your hardest to process his words. “you’re joking, right?” you finally ask, your voice quiet, unsure. but he didn’t laugh. he only watched you, his voice dropping just a bit lower. “it’s not hard. if you want, i could teach you.” you sat, frozen. blinking out of whatever daze you were in since he spoke, your eyes flickering the the ground. heeseung- the playboy heeseung, the heeseung you liked- offering to be your first kiss. it didn’t feel right. it felt like the universe was trying to play a sick joke on you. like this would turn out to be too good to be true. you heard him laugh softly, and your eyes drifted back up to him. he seemed to be enjoying how flustered you were, how your brain was quite literally short circuiting. “we don’t have to if you don’t want to. it’s just an offer. but, if you want to, i’m right here.” you felt your heart speed up more at his words. your mind felt like it couldn’t process what was going on. what was the right choice here? one side of you felt like you should laugh it off, change the subject and act like the conversation never happened. continue to save your first kiss for something special. but on the other hand, this did feel special. you were curious. hell, you’ve been curious for the last 22 years. you were caught between forcing down your desires and enlightening them, finally understanding what you’ve been wondering about your whole life. finally being able to understand the conversations, the movie scenes, the books. your mouth opened, a protest about to leave your lips, but no words came out. your words got stuck, your true feelings not letting them leave. heeseung noticed your hesitation, pushing himself to sit up. he watched you, his voice getting softer, quieter. “come here,” he mumbled, his words making your stomach do flips. god, you wanted to slam your head against the wall. your heartbeat sped up, but you moved closer to him anyway, sitting so close your knees were pressed together. you didn’t know what you were doing, but you knew you didn’t wanna turn around and leave. not at this point. heeseung watched you, not reaching out until you had stopped moving. his hand reached up slowly, cautiously, gently cupping your jaw. his thumb brushed over your skin, sending a shiver down your spine. his gaze flickered between your eyes and lips, the reality of what was happening sinking it. “you’re nervous,” he whispered, the words spoken like they were a secret just between the two of you. his breath fans across your face, further solidifying the reality of the distance between you two. you nodded, your breath shallow, unsure. you let your own eyes flicker to his lips before moving back to his eyes. you whispered, your voice shaky, “what if i’m bad?” he smiled, his thumb tracing your jaw as he shook his head. “don’t worry about that. just follow my lead.”

you nod, everything feeling like a haze. he leans in slowly, and before you can think too much about it, his lips are on yours. it felt like everything around you stopped. your eyes fluttered shut, your breath stuttering. his lips are soft, and you try to follow his movements as best you can. his touch is gentle, guiding you, taking a first experience from you. the outside world seems quiet, likes it’s just you and heeseung in this moment. he presses his lips a bit harder against yours, tilting your head just slightly. the feeling is all-consuming. overwhelming. you want more and want to get away all at the same time. but it feels nice. it feels like everything you’ve dreamed of. what the lead in a romance movie feels, what the books describe, how your friend’s eyes light up when they tell you about their first kiss with a new guy. he pulls away slowly, his hand still remaining on your jaw. your eyes flutter open, blinking a little, like you’re trying to ground yourself. his face was still so close to yours, your breaths mixing together. his expression was unreadable, and your heart sped up at the reality. “was that okay?” you ask, your voice quiet, barely above a whisper. heeseung stared at you for a moment, not saying anything. his eyes searched yours, his breath soft against your skin, his touch still so light. “yeah,” he mumbled, his eyes still flickering around your face, his thumb tracing your jaw again. “not bad, princess.” you nod, your mind in too much of a haze to mumble out exact words. you eyes flickered to his lips again, fighting the urge to lean in again, to feel the warmth of his lips against yours. but before you could think about it too much, your phone buzzed loudly against your lap, the ringing snapping you back to reality. you blink, still dazed, as you look down on at your phone, shaky hands turning it over, the name staring back at you. wonyoung. shit. you hesitated for a second, before answering the call, pressing the phone to your ear. “hello?” “where are you?” wonyoung’s voice came through, a bit hard to hear over the pounding music. “i came back to the spot you were at. i got caught up with some friends, i’m sorry.” you swallowed, your mind still in a haze. your gaze flickered to heeseung. he was already watching you, having had leaned back against the headboard. “it’s fine,” you mumble, words trailing off. your heartbeat still felt too loud, and your thoughts were jumbled and all over the place. “it’s- i’m just..” heeseung raised an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth twitching. he tilted his head, clearly amused by your inability to form a sentence right now. “hello?” wonyoung’s voice spoke again, pulling your attention back to her. “are you there?” “yeah! yeah, sorry,” you mumble, pursing your lips. “i’ll be right there.” “okay. i’ll see you soon.” she replied, the line going dead.

the room went silent, filled with nothing but the awkwardness swirling around the two of you. you were too afraid to meet his gaze, so you stare at your hands, before standing up slowly, placing your phone in your pocket. “um… i should go. i’ll see you around?” heeseung didn’t say anything, and you took that as your cue to just leave. you walked towards the door, trying to form a coherent thought as you reached for the doorknob. his voice finally cut through the quiet, making you stop in your tracks. “you know,” he began, his voice teasing, with a hint of something else you couldn’t quite pinpoint, “you look nice tonight.” the words sent butterflies swirling in your stomach, closing your eyes as you tried to ground yourself. what was wrong with you? you didn’t turn around, too scared to meet his eyes. you couldn’t. so you only nodded, your voice shaky, “thank you.” you opened the door, stepping out and back into the party. it felt like you were snapped back to reality the second the loud music hit your ears, met with the sight of a swarm of people again as you pushed through the crowd. you tried to ignore the way your lips still tingled, or the way your cheeks heated up when you thought about his hand on your face, his breath so close to you, his lips against yours. you almost bumped into someone, muttering out a pathetic “sorry” as you corrected your path, finally catching a glimpse of yunjin and wonyoung standing together, talking about some random topic. wonyoung noticed you first, smiling and waving as she noticed you walking over. you wave back, forcing a smile as you join up with them. all you know is that you’re going crazy. you kissed heeseung. your first kiss. was it a mistake? did you make too irrational of a decision while being caught in the moment? your thoughts are interrupted by yunjin’s loud voice, pulling you back to the current moment, “you missed everything, y/n. i had so much to talk about. where were you, anyway?” you open your mouth, your eyes flickering between the two girls watching you with expectant stares. you should lie, make some kind of excuse to avert the attention from you, ask what yunjin had to talk about. but the thought of hiding your feelings from them more than you already are makes a sick feeling appear in your stomach. “i kissed heeseung.” the words are out before you even realize you said that. they stand there, unmoving before yunjin speaks, “you what?”

wonyoung only covers her mouth with her hand, a loud gasp leaving her lips as she looks between you and yunjin. you stare sheepishly at the two, no more words leaving your lips as you open and close your mouth, wonyoung finally forcing some words out. “bitch, are you serious?” the reality of everything feels like it’s hitting you all over again, a shaky breath leaving your lips as you look up, trying to form a sentence in your mind before you speak out loud. “i kissed heeseung. or, he kissed me. we kissed each other? i don’t know…” you cover your eyes with one of your hands, clenching your eyes shut. everything feels too surreal right now. yunjin blinks, shaking her head as she tries to make sense of the situation. “hold on, start from the beginning, please. what the fuck happened?” you laugh shakily, shrugging as words come spilling out, “i just- i needed a break from the party, so i went into what i thought was an empty room, but he was in there. he told me i could stay, and we started talking, and he brought up the fact that i’d never kissed anyone-“ wonyoung cuts you off, raising an eyebrow. “how did he know that?” you gulp, averting your eyes. “that’s a story for another time.” the two share a look, but don’t interrupt you again, letting you continue. “anyway, he said he could teach me… and, yeah,” you mumble, words getting quieter as you finish the story, finally looking back at the two. yunjin’s jaw is dropped, and she turns to wonyoung with a glare. “you left her alone for ten minutes and she kissed heeseung?” “i wanted a drink!” wonyoung defends herself, pointing at you, “i didn’t know she was gonna sneak off and make out with someone while i was gone.” your cheeks heat up, shaking your head quickly. “it wasn’t like that. it was just one kiss.” yunjin only laughs, giving you a hug. “well, congratulations. my baby is all grown up.” “oh, fuck off,” you mutter, but your arms wrap around her, fighting back a smile. “was it good?” wonyoung asks, your eyes widening. “like… is he really that good of a kisser like everyone says?”

your breath hitches at the question. your mind flickers back to how his lips felt on yours, how softly he held you, his breath soft against your lips, how his voice dropped, quiet and gentle. the way everything made you felt. your heart speeds up again at the thought, and you swallow, hesitating slightly before answering, trying to disguise the true thoughts you have. “i don’t know, wonyoung. it was my first kiss. how am i supposed to know what good means?” you reply, huffing out a laugh. she groans, unsatisfied with your answer, but she doesn’t push further. yunjin pulls back from the hug, but her hands remain on your shoulders. “you kissed lee heeseung. the lee heeseung. and he offered to teach you. girl, you’re in so deep.” you shake your head, feeling your cheeks heat up even more, if that’s possible. wonyoung chimes in, tugging your arm. “okay. back to your dorm, right now. tell us everything. leave absolutely nothing out.” you only laugh, but let wonyoung drag you along, yunjin following closely behind. the comfort the two provide for you makes things feel not as stressful, trying your best to push the anxieties and self-doubt about the turn the night took away.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

your stomach was a mess of nerves as you stepped through the classroom door. it wasn’t that you didn’t expect to see heeseung- you knew he was going to be here. but you didn’t know if you were ready. you had spent the past two days replaying every moment, every detail of that night, too caught up in your own thoughts. you tried to convince yourself it wasn’t a big deal, that it was just a kiss, but your true feelings betrayed you. you spotted him in what had become his usual seat- which was previously yours- scrolling on his phone, leaned back in the chair. you swallowed, getting closer to the seat as you put on a front, acting as nonchalant and unaffected as you could.  you slid into the chair next to him, pulling out your notebook and letting your bag hit the floor with a soft thud. you busied yourself with opening to an empty page, dragging your pencil along the page to make random, pointless drawings. anything to try and ease your nerves at the moment. “hey, princess,” heeseung spoke, his voice carrying that signature teasing lilt. his tone was so casual, like nothing had happened. you tried to ignore the way your heartbeat sped up at the sounds of his voice, or the nickname that used to make you grind your teeth. “i didn’t see you after you left the room. i thought you disappeared.” you finally glanced at him, your eyes meeting his. “i’m still here. sadly.” his lip twitched, that signature smirk forming on his lips. “good to know.”

his tone was so casual, so normal. but yet, things felt different. maybe it was the way he was watching you- his gaze lingering for just a second too long before looking away. or how he wasn’t teasing you as much, you two having a normal conversation for once. you were reading too much into it. this was the last thing you wanted to do. you kissed him because he offered to teach you. there was no meaning, no feelings behind it- on his end. you cleared your throat, turning back to your notebook. “did you look over the project? i added some notes to the shared document. there’s an article that seems like it could be helpful.” he shook his head, leaning forward so his elbows were on the desk. “nah. i’ve been busy with practice.” you roll your eyes, but the usual irritation didn’t come. you continued to doodle on your notebook, trying to focus on the small flower you were creating. but you couldn’t ignore the way you could feel his gaze on you, making heat rise to your cheeks. “you’re staring,” you mumble, eyes still trained on the flower, adding small blades of grass at the bottom, adding another small flower next to it. “am i?” he asked, and you could see the way he tilted his head in your peripheral vision. “i didn’t notice.” you huffed out a breath, forcing yourself not to react. if you gave him an inch, he’d take a mile, pointing out every little flustered reaction you have. it was the last thing you needed. dr. kim entered the room, greeting the class, indirectly saving you from having to reply. you tried to focus, jotting down whatever he mentioned, but your focus was somewhere else entirely. every time heeseung moved, shifting in his seat, tapping his pen against your notebook, your attention would be drawn to him. you couldn’t stop it. as much as you tried to focus, trying to ignore him, your mind wouldn’t let you. you felt like a middle schooler with a pathetic crush all over again. it was stupid. he was acting normal. you were (trying to) act normal. so why did nothing feel normal? slowly, your head turned just slightly, looking towards him. but he was already looking at you. he didn’t look away, your eyes meeting for a fleeting second. your breath caught in your throat, and you turned back to your notebook quickly, shifting in your seat. you were screwed. your heart lurched, your pulse quickening. a small part of your mind tells you that you’re not imagining things- that something has shifted. something is different. but you can’t place your finger on it. you feel like you’re making yourself go crazy, overanalyzing every little detail. every little glance, every sentence, hell, you payed attention to the tone of his voice. all you know is that you’re fucked. you’re officially down bad for lee heeseung.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

your day had been horrible. you wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed and sleep, forgetting that this shitshow of a day ever happened. you woke up late, the shrill sound of your alarm shocking you awake, the time on the clock practically mocking you as you realized you were going to be late to class. you rushed your morning, not even having enough time to get breakfast, leaving your stomach growling as you rushed to class. you looked like you had just rolled out of bed- which was the truth- as you walked into the classroom, sending an apologetic smile as your professor glared at you. the lecture was a blur, and to make matters worse, you absolutely failed your test. you knew you weren’t confident with the material, but to have a low c staring back at you made you feel too incompetent. your professor didn’t even hide her disappointment, shaking her head as she placed the paper on your desk, your ears turning red with embarrassment. now, your heavy feet were carrying you to your favorite café, your comfort away from the hectic world, the one place that brought you peace after a bad day. about halfway there, it had started sprinkling, small droplets landing on you as you walked. it truly felt like you had a rain cloud above only you, making fun of how bad your day had gone so far. you pushed open the door to the café, the comforting smell filling your senses, and you felt the tension in your body ease just slightly. you tried to ignore the looks of other patrons, wondering why you had no umbrella, your hair and clothes damp as you stepped inside. all that was on your mind was a hot chocolate, topped with whipped cream. you’d been dreaming about it since you walked into class earlier, making a promise to yourself you would pick one up after class to hopefully raise your dejected feelings. of course, the universe had other plans. the cup looked fine, the white paper concealing what was inside. but when you took a sip, the sharp taste hit your tastebuds, completely wrong. bitter coffee covered your tongue, making your face scrunch up. you blinked in confusion, slowly popping the lid off the cup. they had given you straight black coffee. you stared at the coffee, your pitiful stare reflecting off the dark liquid. you sighed, frustration bubbling up inside you. you weren’t going to make a scene, you were too exhausted for that. it wasn’t what you did. but you also knew if you didn’t have your hot chocolate you were going to go insane. was it pathetic that a drink could help make your day that much better? maybe.

you walked back up to the counter, politely pointing the mistake out to the barista, even pulling out your crumpled up receipt from your pocket to solidify your point. she didn’t seem to care, staring at you blankly before taking the cup with a sigh, muttering out a half-assed apology. you wanted to say something, your inner dialogue filled with very creative language as you watched her roll her eyes when she turned around. you felt like a burden, the comfort this place usually provided suddenly turning into a unpleasant experience. they finally handed you the right drink, about five minutes later. it should’ve made things better, but it didn’t. you thanked her with the biggest smile you could muster, apologizing for the inconvenience and turning around. you were starting to walk to your favorite seat, a table in the corner that gave you a perfect view of the scenery outside, a perfect place to put in your headphones and daydream. and that’s when it happened. too focused on the previous interaction, too distracted with everything that had gone wrong today. you ran into someone- hard. your shoulders slammed into each other, the force making you stumble backwards, your drink almost spilling. some splashed out the small opening, the hot liquid splashing against your hand, causing a small curse to leave your mouth as you winced. you steadied yourself, looking up at the stranger. an apology was on the tip of your tongue, ready to admit that you weren’t paying attention, but that’s when you saw his expression. cold. angry. he looked you up and down, like you were a piece of garbage. as if you were an inconvenience. like you had ruined his whole day, his eyes full of judgement. he didn’t bother to say anything, let alone hear whatever you had to say as he scoffed and continued on his way. it felt like a slap in the face. your mouth opened, almost ready to sputter out insults, but no words came out. suddenly, it felt like the weight of everything that had happened today was crashing down on you. your rushed morning, your failed test, your disappointed professor, the rain, the wrong order, the barista, this stranger- his glare, like you meant nothing. it all felt like too much. hot tears brimmed your eyes before you could get your emotions in check. you turned around, pushing open the café doors, taking deep breaths to calm yourself. the soft rain from earlier had begun to fall in fat, harsh drops, pouring down on everything. the weather felt like an accurate representation of your emotions in the moment, cold, sad, chaotic. you pressed a hand to your forehead, trying, and failing to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. a lump formed in your throat, and you leaned back against the wall of the café. you pulled your phone out from your pocket, trying to ignore how pathetic your reflection looked as you unlocked it, a tear slipping down your cheek as you opened your contacts, your fingers immediately finding yunjin’s name as you pressed the call button. it was like once one tear fell, the floodgates opened. you couldn’t control them anymore, tears spilling down your cheeks as you wiped at your eyes pathetically. the only noise being the quiet ringing of your phone, the rain falling, and your quiet sniffles.

it went to voicemail, yunjin’s happy voice breaking the sad silence. you tried again. still no answer. more tears fell, moving onto wonyoung next. it repeated the same process, ringing. and ringing. and ringing. and then- voicemail. you tried once again to be sure, clinging onto any ounce of hope. same result. you could feel your heart shattering more and more. you felt alone. your sniffles turned into quiet sobs, clutching your phone as you tried to catch your breath. everything felt too overwhelming, too out of your control, too messed up. you were stuck here. you couldn’t walk home, the rain was too strong. you couldn’t go back inside, not looking like this. everything was slowly unraveling. your closest friends weren’t even picking up, and you couldn’t get mad at them for it. they had lives too, not always able to drop everything for you. but the betrayal still stung, everything feeling like a personal attack at this point. you forced yourself to breathe, slowly unlocking your phone once again. you scrolled through your contacts, blurry, tear-filled vision making it harder. you just needed someone, anyone who you could call. anyone who could come get you. your eyes stopped on one person, your heart beating faster at the thought. you clicked on his contact, you finger hovering over the call button, before finally, you pressed it. it rang once. twice. three times. you were losing hope, more tears spilling down your cheeks as the reality of your situation set in. and then- “hello?” your breath catches. you hadn’t expected someone to actually pick up. everything felt so hopeless, the sound of someone’s voice sending a shock through you. you sniffle quietly, trying to get a word out, but it’s like they’re all caught in your throat. “hello?” heeseung repeats again, his voice more clear this time. “are you there?” you take a deep breath, forcing your tears and shaky breaths to calm down. you feel like if you speak a new wave of tears will just spill down your cheeks. “i-“ you start, before your voice breaks. you swallow, trying again. “i need a ride… it’s raining. no one else was picking up.” there’s a long pause, silence stretching between the two of you. you begin to feel stupid for calling, for being such an inconvenience to another person, more than you’ve already been today. you hear a small laugh on the other end, your eyebrows furrowing slightly at the sound. “can’t handle a little rain, princess?”

frustration builds inside of you, but you hold your feelings down. this, however, makes the dam in your eyes break again, more tears spilling down your cheeks. “heeseung, please,” you sniffle, sucking in a shaky breath as you try to get your emotions in check again. the teasing tone of his voice is gone almost immediately, replaced by confusion as he speaks again. “y/n? are you okay?” your breath catches at his change in tone. you didn’t want to be a burden to anyone, didn’t want to push your emotions onto someone else, all because you couldn’t handle a bad day. but everything was too much right now. “yeah,” your speak, you words quieter than you expected, a shaky tone to your voice. “just… tired.” he’s silent for a bit, before he speaks again, and you can hear shuffling on the other end, the jingling of car keys sending a small hope through you. “where are you?” “the café near campus. the one we went to that one time,” you force out, trying your hardest to sound normal. and not like there’s tears slipping down your cheeks. you think you must look insane. standing under the awning of a café in the pouring rain, tears streaming down your cheeks as you hold a hot chocolate and a phone. it must be a laughable sight. heeseung’s voice breaks you out of your thoughts, calm and serious, a vast difference from the usual teasing, smug tone he has. “i’ll be there soon. when i get there just walk to my car, alright? i’ll pull up next to the curb.” you nod, forgetting he can’t see you. when you finally speak, your voice is barely above a whisper, defeated, shaky. “okay.” the call ends, leaving you in silence again. a shaky sigh leaves your lips as your hand wipes your tears, trying your best to collect yourself. you take a sip of your hot chocolate, the warm liquid providing a small sense of comfort in whatever whirlwind your day has turned into. nerves fill you again, the thought that you could be a burden creeping into your mind. your hands shake as you rub at your eyes, trying to push the thoughts away. god, you don’t wanna be a total mess when heeseung gets here, but you can’t stop crying. you force yourself to focus on something different. business proposal, hot chocolate, your favorite salad, cats. anything that makes you happy. and slowly but surely, your tears turn into small sniffles. you watch cars drive by, but there’s not a lot. most classes are out by now and students don’t wanna be parading in this rain. the rain doesn’t let up- if anything, it’s gotten heavier, wind whipping around you at this point. after a few minutes, you finally see a car pulling up. the sight is so reassuring, but you can’t stop the way your pulse speeds up, or the nerves that run through you. your feet don’t move at first, still too caught in your emotions to move. you take a small step, slow, cautious, before the rain showers you, pelting, hard. you speed up quickly, ignoring the chill of the water as you cling to your hot chocolate, as if that will do anything to warm you up in this weather. it’s lukewarm by now, anyway. when you reach the car, heeseung’s eyes are on you, the window rolling down as you get closer. “get in,” he says, voice low, but not unkind, “you’re shaking.” you can only nod, pulling open the door and slipping inside. the warmth of the car immediately envelops you, feeling like a warm hug. you try your best to ignore the way your clothes, now wet, feel against your body. neither of you says anything, but you can feel his eyes on you. you finally turn, meeting his eyes. he looks… concerned.

he raises his eyebrows, waiting for you to speak. you don’t. so he finally does, his voice softer than it was before. “you wanna talk about it?” you shake your head, a new wave of emotions hitting you at his question. you blink back the hot tears brimming your eyes again, snapping your head towards the window as a shaky breath leaves you. “thank you,” you sniffle, your voice quiet. defeated. he hums, his voice reassuring, whether he means it or not. it feels like it’s grounding you in the chaotic mess of your emotions. “don’t worry about it.” without another word, he pulls away from the curb. heading towards the dorms. he doesn’t tease you, doesn’t ask any more questions. the only noise is the soft radio, the car’s engine, and the rain pattering outside. you bite your lip, trying to hold back a new wave of tears as you rest your head against the window. it doesn’t work. tears spill down your cheeks, your breathing irregular, labored, as you try to stay quiet, wiping at your eyes as inconspicuously as you can. heeseung notices, looking at you out of the corner of his eye. he doesn’t push, simply turning up the volume of the radio, masking the sounds of your tears behind the music. it’s such a small action, but it makes your stomach flip, taking a small sip of your hot chocolate to ground yourself. as you get closer to the dorms, your thoughts swirl, uncontrollable, chaotic. you close your eyes, taking deep breaths. you need to forget about today. pretend it never happened, pretend it was all just a nightmare that you’re going to wake up from tomorrow morning. but as you sit there, dried tears on your face as you look over at heeseung, your heart speeds up a bit. maybe you needed a distraction. maybe you just needed… something to take your mind off of the day. he turns to you, meeting your eyes, and you glance down at your hands quickly. god, you must look like shit right now. would it be weird if you asked for another kiss? would that actually take your mind off of how bad today was? thoughts swirl in your mind, half of yourself telling you to just go for it, be bold, ask for what you want. the other side battles it, scenarios of him giving you a dirty look, like the stranger did, filling your mind. you sigh, shaking your head. there’s too much going on in your mind right now for you to also be dealing with this. the car slows as heeseung pulls up outside your dorm. the low hum of the radio filling the tense silence between the two of you. you should leave. unbuckle your seatbelt, thank him for the ride, open the door, and go back to your dorm. but you don’t. you sit there. your fingers tighten around the cup in your lap, feeling the paper mold to your grip. you can feel his gaze flickering to you. waiting. you keep your eyes fixed on the window, watching the rain droplets race each other down the glass. your heartbeat sped up in your chest, the pounding in your ears drowning out the noise of anything else. you should just go. but you can’t move. you inhale shakily, focusing on every ounce of courage you have. “heeseung,” you begin, but the moment you turn your head, his attention on you, the words get caught in your throat. refusing to leave. he hums, waiting for you to continue. you swallow, nerves building. this is stupid. this is so stupid. what if he says no? what if laughs in your face? the weight of today is already pressing down on you, heavy, suffocating. if he rejects you, if he looks at you with even a fraction of the disdain the stranger at the café did, you might just end it. you should forget it. push your thoughts aside and leave the car. just curl up in bed and go to sleep. your thoughts aren’t correct right now. your mind is jumbled, your emotions are out of whack- but then he shifts slightly. placing his elbow on the center console as he faces you. his full, undivided attention on you. he’s waiting.

your breath stutters, heat climbing up your neck. “at the party,” you begin, your voice quiet, barely above a whisper. “when we-“ you stop, shutting your eyes for a second. it’s too late to back out now, you’re already speaking. “when we kissed.” he doesn’t move, doesn’t say anything, simply waiting for you to continue. your breath is shaky, your next words unsure. “did that mean anything to you?” you regret the words the moment they leave your lips. you sound desperate. pathetic. needy. you shake your head quickly, shutting your eyes. “forget it,” you mumble, as if you can take back the words you just said. “i’m a mess right-“ “i wouldn’t have done it if it didn’t,” heeseung speaks, cutting you off. his voice is quieter than usual. softer, but still firm. “that was your first kiss.” your pulse stutters, a breath catching in your throat. you finally turn to look at him, your stomach twisting at the intensity of his gaze. you should stop talking. end this before you do something you’ll regret. but you keep talking, your voice so quiet, you’re unsure if he hears it over the sound of the radio. “can you… can you do it again?” his eyes widen a bit, but the moment is brief. a flicker. and then that unreadable look is back. you want to take your words back immediately, erase this moment from existence entirely. “you don’t have to,” you add, words tumbling out before you can stop them. “it’s just- fuck. today has been horrible, and i can’t stop thinking about that kiss, and i thought that maybe-“ “are you sure?” heeseung asks, cutting your rambling off again. his voice is softer now, almost as quiet as yours. like these words are only meant to heard by the two of you, hidden from the rest of the world. you swallow, setting your cup in his cup holder. you don’t trust your voice right now- can't trust it- so you nod instead. for a second, he only watches you, his expression unreadable. it sends a chill through you, anxiety seeping in. then he slowly reaches up, tucking a strand of damp hair behind your ear. his touch is soft, barely there, but it’s everything you need right now. his gaze flickers over yours- searching for any signs of hesitation. like he’s waiting for you to pull away. but you don’t. you lean in slightly, a silent confirmation. and that’s all it takes. “okay,” he murmurs. and then his lips are on yours again. his lips brush against yours, soft, careful, like he’s still making sure this is what you want. he doesn’t press hard, his hand holding your jaw, his lips barely there. you shudder at his touch, at the feeling of him. and then you kiss him back. it's hesitant- unsure. you still don’t know how to do this, how to match someone’s rhythm, someone who knows what they’re doing. but heeseung doesn’t rush you. it’s not overwhelming. he just guides you, and you let him. he tilts his head slightly, molding his lips against yours, coaxing you to follow his lead. and you do. you follow the way his lips move, melting more into the kiss by the second. you can feel his other hand moving, his fingers ghosting over the side of your neck. you shiver at his touch, the warmth, the position of his touch sending a wave of heat rushing through you. his fingers rest on the back of your neck, just below your hairline. his touch is gentle, guiding you closer to him, and you let him, instinctively moving closer to him. the kiss deepens just slightly, his hand pulling you even closer. you should pull away. stop here. this should be enough. but you want more. a flicker of something unfamiliar and new buzzes in your chest, and you’re moving before you can think too much about it. your hands reach out, finding the front of his hoodie as your hands grip the fabric, pulling him even closer.

that changed everything. heeseung exhales sharply against your lips, and then he’s kissing you harder, deeper. your brain short circuits, the added intensity unfamiliar, but so welcomed. his grip on the back of your neck loosens, his fingers tangling in your hair. a small noise escapes you, desperate, wanting. it’s barely audible over the noise of the radio and the rain against the windshield. but he hears it. you know he does. you feel the way his fingers tighten in your hair, tilting your head as he deepens the kiss, a quiet hum vibrating in his throat. your head is spinning. it’s only your second kiss ever, you’re still fumbling to keep up, still clumsy in your movements. but the way he’s holding you, guiding you through it like he knows exactly what he’s doing- he does- you don’t have to think too much. you just follow his movements. your body melts into his touch, the nerves leading your body as you focus on his kisses and nothing else. your fingers loosen their grip on his hoodie, threading into his hair, your fingers tightening slightly. his breath hitches for a second, a noise leaving his lips. it sends a shiver down your spine. his lips slow, his kisses growing softer again, like he’s trying to ground himself. the thought makes your stomach flip, so many different feelings swirling inside you. new feelings. foreign feelings. but you love them. neither of you speak when you finally pull away, your foreheads resting against each other. you’re both breathless, lips parted and swollen as you catch your breath. your hands stay tangled in each other’s hair, like neither of you want to let go just yet. the air is thick with something unspoken, like a line was crossed tonight. you don’t care right now. you don’t want to think about that. part of your mind knows you should pull away, create some distance before this goes further than it already has. but you don’t want to. so you don’t. your fingers that are tangled in his hair tighten slightly, and before you can stop yourself, you’re leaning in again. pressing your lips against his, not soft, not gentle. you want more. heeseung exhales softly, and it’s like his resolve snaps. like everything he was holding back breaks at your movements. his hands drop to your waist, tugging slightly. you pull away from his lips, your breath heavy as your brows furrow. “what-“ you begin, blinking in confusion. he cuts you off with a quiet laugh, his voice almost teasing, but with a hint of warmness that’s not usually there. “trust me.” and you do. you let his hands lift you, the space between you becoming increasingly smaller. the awkwardness of the car’s cramped interior makes your movements more careful. you let him guide you over the center console, your body bending slightly as it digs into your legs. and then you’re in his lap. his hands remain on your waist, just holding you, watching you. your hands rest on his shoulders, steadying yourself. the new proximity makes your pulse stutter, so close to him it feels dizzying. his eyes search over your face, before his hands find your back, and he’s pulling you into him. his lips are on yours again, and every thought you had vanishes. this kiss is different than the other two.

it's hungrier, more desperate. like he was holding back, waiting for permission to let go. and you gave him that. his hands are everywhere- your back, trailing up your sides, your thighs, your hips, his touch desperate. like he’s trying to commit you to his memory. it's dizzying. intoxicating. your hands tangle in his hoodie again, trying to ground yourself as a small noise slips past your lips. everywhere he touches feels like it leaves fire in his wake. and then his lips leave yours. your breath catches as his lips move lower. he kisses the corner of your mouth, then your jaw. the sensation is foreign. it’s overwhelming. you can feel his breath against your skin, sending a shiver down your spine as a sigh leaves your lips. his hand on your thigh tightens at the noise, a noise coming from deep in his throat as his kisses become messier. his kisses trail along your neck, sucking, kissing, his breath ghosting over your skin. you felt hot. your fingers tighten in his hoodie, a sharp exhale leaving your lips. your heart is racing, your breathing picking up. your body is reacting to sensations you’ve never experienced before. your head falls back slightly, his lips exploring more area. it’s intoxicating. dizzying. but it’s a lot. it’s too much all at once, as much as you want more. the moment you shift slightly, heeseung notices. his kisses stop, but he doesn’t pull away. his breath is warm against your neck before, slowly, he lifts his head, his gaze searching yours. his grip on your body loosens slightly, just resting there now. “you okay?” his voice is low, laced with something that makes your head spin. “too much?” you swallow, grounding yourself. you want this. you want his touch, his kisses, his attention on you. but it feels like it’s moving too fast, caught between the two emotions. you nod, before quickly shaking your head. “i-“ you stutter, your voice quiet, breathy and shaky. “i don’t know. it’s a lot. but i want it.” his brows draw together slightly. he doesn’t look angry, he looks concerned. his voice is quiet, comforting. his hands slide to rest on your waist, simply holding you. “we’ll stop for now. i don’t want to rush you.” his voice is steady, but his breathing is uneven. there’s an emotion in his eyes you can’t place. they’re darker, flickering over your face. your heart lurches at the mention of ‘for now.’ he wants more as well. you exhale, your breath shaky as you nod. “okay.” you want to feel something more. you don’t want to move, don’t want to leave the moment. so you lean in, your cheek resting against his shoulder as you breathe out, the warmth of his body grounding you. his hands hover slightly over your waist, before they trail up your back, hands splaying out as he tugs you closer to him. it’s intimate. too intimate. you’re crossing a line, and you know it. his chest rises and falls beneath you, his steady breathing calming your erratic heartbeat. the warmth of his body feels like a blanket, everything quiet. you let the silence wash over you. it’s not awkward. it’s comfortable. the only sound that surrounds you is the rain, and the soft radio, “delicate” by taylor swift playing quietly.

his thumbs rub against your back, the small action causing a quiet hum to leave you as you shift against him, getting more comfortable. you hear a quiet laugh leave him, so soft it almost just sounds like a breath. his voice is soft, but it has the familiar teasing tone you’re used to. “you good, princess?” the nickname feels different this time- not used to tease anymore. like an unspoken acknowledgement that something has shifted, the layers of tension being peeled back slowly, your desires coming to fruition more every time you see him. it’s something neither of you want to say out loud, but you both feel it. you smile softly, nodding your head against his shoulder. “yeah. i’m good,” you whisper, your voice soft. he hums, tilting his head slightly so his lips brush against your ear as he speaks again, his voice so soft. “you sure? i know that was… a lot.” and you know it was. you’re feeling so much. so many feelings swirling in your chest. but you only nod, not wanting to break the moment. “yeah.” you press closer into him, snuggling up against his warmth. his arms tighten just slightly around you, locking you in his embrace, like you would ever want to leave. “i’m not going anywhere,” he laughs softly, feeling your hands grip his hoodie just a bit tighter. his voice has a warmth you’ve never heard before, the tone making your stomach flip, and you only hum in response, snuggling your head further against his shoulder. you know you’re down bad, you know you’re falling. hell, you’ve already fallen. part of you knows it’s a bad idea. while the other part just wants to live. wants to experience this moment. the serenity, the soft sound of the radio, and the warmth of lee heeseung. and for the first time today, it doesn’t feel like everything is falling apart.

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“i don’t know!” you cry out, throwing your hands up as you stare at the two girls sat in front of you with their jaws dropped. "i don’t even know what happened! it’s all a mess!” yunjin stands up, immediately pacing the room as she looks at you, shaking her head in disbelief. “wait, let me get this straight? you made out with him. in a car. in the rain? y/n, what the fuck?” wonyoung, still sitting, crosses her arms. “and you didn’t think to- what, call us? text us? i don’t know, anything.” you roll your eyes, staring back at her. “i did call you guys. yunjin was too busy getting her back blown out by beomgyu, and god knows what you were doing. he was the last person i could call, and i wasn’t about to walk home sobbing in that rain!” yunjin stops pacing, turning to you with her jaw dropped. “that’s a valid reason to not pick up the phone!” wonyoung’s face scrunches up in confusion, her head tilting. “you called me? i was watching youtube, i swear my phone didn’t ring.” you throw your hands up in frustration. “i don’t care! it’s in the past, i’m just- fuck, i’m losing my mind. i don’t know what i’m supposed to feel.” yunjin looks at wonyoung, the two sharing a look of disbelief. “okay. you asked him to kiss you, so obviously part of you knows what you’re feeling.” “i don’t-“ you groan, dropping your head in your hands. “i’ve never done this before, yunjin! it’s all new to me. it’s terrifying.” wonyoung smirks, clearly enjoying your misery. “you’re down bad, girl. just admit it.” you sigh, falling back onto the couch. “i know i’m down bad, wonyoung. i blush just thinking about the guy.” yunjin sucks in a breath, sitting down next to you. “brutal. so, like, what happened after? you made out, then what?” you pause, mind still spinning as you recount the memories of everything. you turn away from her, your voice quiet as you speak. “he like… pulled me into his lap. and he was kissing my neck…”

there’s a long silence. no one saying anything. you look back to see yunjin and wonyoung both staring at you with wide eyes. “what the fuck?” wonyoung yells, standing up. you press a finger over your mouth, begging her to shut up. she shakes her head, continuing to ramble. “y/n! oh my god, this is insane!” you place your hands over your face, heat crawling up your cheeks. “i know! i don’t know what i’m doing, guys! then we kinda hugged? and just sat there for like ten minutes. we only stopped because my legs were falling asleep and i made up some excuse to go inside.” yunjin only sighs, leaning her head back against the couch. “you’re so oblivious. he wants you.” you raise an eyebrow at her, slowly uncovering your face. “you don’t know that. why would he want me when he has a ton of other girls that know so much more than i do? i feel like a burden, like he has to teach me everything. i chickened out from a few seconds of him kissing my fucking neck!” wonyoung laughs, shaking her head. “i don’t know, y/n. why do guys do half of the stuff that they do?” she stretches, raising her arms above her head as she continues. “plus, not every guys mind is filed with sex. maybe he’s okay with taking it slow with you. i still can’t believe you bagged heeseung of all people, though. he’s known for his hook-ups.” “that’s exactly what i mean,” you mumble, your voice growing more defeated by the second. “maybe this isn’t a good idea. i feel like an idiot.” yunjin sits up, smacking your stomach before rising to her feet. “stop doubting yourself. you’re hot, okay? you’re looking into it too much, i promise.” you only glance at her, a pout on your lips. she sighs, grabbing your arms and pulling you to sit up. “i’m not saying to rush into anything, alright? don’t forget his reputation. but if he was willing to just hold you for ten minutes like that? there’s obviously something more there.” you give her a half-smile, considering her words. they hit deep, considering that his reputation had been the one thing lingering in the back of your mind when you got butterflies thinking about something that he did. what if you were just a game? just something to entertain him until the next girl came along?

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

the last few days had been brutal. you had forgetting what having a crush- an actual crush- felt like. on top of the… physical aspect of it, you were losing your mind. searching for heeseung around campus, daydreaming in class, your body heating up at the memory of his hands on you. you felt like a teenage boy with raging hormones. it didn’t help that you barely ever had the form to yourself, so being able to act on your desires was rare. now, it’s 10pm. you’re sitting in your room, finishing up some last minute assignments. yunjin is in her bed, scrolling on her phone, tiktoks playing quietly in the background. you submit your last assignment, your phone buzzing next to you. you glance at it, expecting a random notification, but it’s a text from heeseung. your heart speeds up just slightly. heeseung [10:20 pm]: u busy?you squint at the message. your stomach twists slightly, the two simple words sending a rush of adrenaline through you. you pick it up, anyway, typing out a quick response. you tell yourself to act normal. he can’t tell if you’re flustered over text. you [10:21 pm] why?it’s read immediately. and almost just as quickly, three dots appear. heeseung [10:21 pm]: wanna watch a movieoh, for fuck’s sake. this could only mean one thing. you felt your pulse speed up slightly, your fingers hovering over the keyboard before you send your response. you [10:22 pm]: watch it yourselfheeseung [10:22 pm]: don’t want toyou sigh, reading his message over and over. you couldn’t fall for a trap this easily, but yet, you wanted to. you [10:22 pm]: ask jake or somethingheeseung [10:23 pm]: he doesn’t look as good as uyour breath catches. oh. your whole body felt like it was heating up, betraying you quicker than your mind was. you should ignore him. put down the phone, pretend this conversation didn’t happen. save your sanity. heeseung [10:24 pm]: u gonna respond?fuck it. you [10:24 pm]: i hate u. be there in 10.you push yourself off the bed, yunjin sending you a look when you grab your jacket, pulling it over your arms. “are you going somewhere?” she asks, tilting her head. you jump slightly at her voice. you had forgotten she was here. fuck. “uh, yeah.” she raises an eyebrow, a tiktok playing on loop as she watches you. “at 10:30 pm?” fuck. think of an excuse. anything. “yeah, i need to-“ you glance around, your eyes landing on your backpack. “i need to print something!” she just stares at you, her expression full of amusement. “print something.” you want the floor to swallow you. “yeah.” "...at 10:30?”

"yep!” you reply, trying your hardest to seem believable. she blinks. “what do you need a printer for?” “class!” you reply quickly. too quickly. ��what else would i need it for? that’s why, i’m going to the library.” her eyes narrow, her eyebrows furrowing. “the library closes at nine.” fuck. you’re horrible at this. “wonyoung has a printer! in her dorm! so i’m going. to print. my paper. because class is important.” no response. silence envelops the two of you. finally, she tilts her head. “you don’t have class tomorrow.” you’re going to slam your head into the wall. “fine!” you exclaim, throwing your hands up. “i’m going to walmart for snacks! is that better?”yunjin holds back a laugh, her eyes flickering with amusement. “snack run. got it.” “yeah, i had to lie or else… or else you would ask me to buy you something. and i don’t have a lot of money.” you reply. she only smirks. she knows you’re full of shit. you know she knows. “okay,” she shrugs, looking back at her phone. you let out a deep breath you didn’t know you were holding, walking towards the door. just as your hand touches the doorknob, she speaks again. “use protection.” you freeze, your stomach dropping. you turn to look at her, slowly. “what?” she keeps her eyes trained on her phone, but there’s a shit-eating grin on her face. “you heard me.” you gasp incredulously, glancing around the room. “i told you i’m going to walmart.” she snorts, finally glancing up at you, “yeah, and i’m going to paris next weekend.” you glare at her, flipping her off. “it was the best i could come up with! you put me on the spot!” “it was horrible,” she sighs, shaking her head in disappointment before continuing, “i don’t care what you’re do, but at least lie better. and i’m a bit offended you didn’t just tell me the truth.” you shake your head, embarrassment rushing through you. “nothing’s happening!” “no.” she replies, a smirk on her lips as she turns off her phone, placing it next to her. “you’re getting dicked down by lee heeseung. that’s what’s happening.” your jaw drops, and you yank the door open, your face burning red. “i am not! shut up!” “goodnight, y/n,” she muses, a teasing smile on her lips. you slam the door shut behind you, stomping down the hall. fuck. that was humiliating. you’re never living that down. she’s probably texting wonyoung at this exact moment, telling her everything that just happened. you groan out loud, your head falling back as you wait outside the elevator, sending heeseung a text. you [10:27 pm]: i’m going to kill u.you don’t wait for his response, stepping into the elevator as it opens. your stomach is twisting in anticipation, for… whatever is going to happen tonight. your body is betraying you. your mind is betraying you. thoughts flickering through your mind, making you feel dizzy as you walk to his dorm. it’s a short enough walk, simply enjoying the scenery of campus as you make your way to his dorm. it’s quiet at this hour, and it almost feels like you’re the only one here, besides the student you pass every few minutes. every step feels heavier, like you’re getting closer to what you know is a like you haven’t crossed before. as if you haven’t crossed more in the last week than you ever thought you would.

when you finally make it to his dorm, following the directions he gave you, your heart pounds in your chest as you stand outside his door. you hesitate, before raising your hand and knocking once. twice. you hear footplates approaching the door, before it swings open and- oh. your mouth almost waters at the sight. heeseung is standing there, a white wifebeater clinging to his skin, grey sweatpants low on his hips. his hair is messy and disheveled, making him look even more irresistible. his arms are crossed against his chest, muscles flexing every time he moves slightly. your brain stops working, your eyes raking over his figure before you realize what you’re doing. they snap back up to his face, but it’s too late. he already has the smug look on his face, and you’re praying he doesn’t say anything. luckily, by the grace of god, he doesn’t. he leans against the doorframe, raising his eyebrows slightly. “took you long enough.” you sigh, your lips pursing as you glare at him. “shut up. i’m here, aren’t i?” “yeah.” he says, voice dropping with teasing tone as he tilts his head. “i was starting to miss you, pretty girl.” your eyes widen a bit at the new nickname, and you swear your heart skips a few beats. you want to slam your head into the nearest wall repeatedly. you want him to- no. you take a deep breath, forcing yourself to get a grip. “move,” you finally say, pushing past him and entering his dorm. it looks like a typical college athlete dorm room. he was lucky enough to get a whole dorm to himself, basketball posters littering the walls, a pc set up where the other bed usually goes, and a small couch and tv off to the other side of the room. it was cozy, and not too cluttered. he lets you push him, and you try not to focus on how his muscles feel so much more defined through his tank top than they did through his hoodie. “damn, princess. you’re killing me.” you roll your eyes, walking over to his couch and plopping down on it. you watch as he shuts the door, stepping closer to you. his smirk stays on his lips, his eyes full of something you can’t read, but it sends a shiver down your spine. “so,” you begin, trying to keep your emotions in check. “what movie are we watching?” he doesn’t say anything, simply sitting next to you on the couch and turning the tv on. the movie of choice is waiting to be played, and your eyes squint slightly. “10 things i hate about you?” your voice comes out more surprised than you meant, and heeseung looks at you, tilting his head. you hadn’t expected this choice. you were expecting him to pick a marvel movie, or mad max, something that guys watch, you didn’t know. his smile is smug, glancing at the tv and back at you. “yeah,” he shrugs, not seeing the big deal. “do you not like it?” you blink, thrown off. a rom-com? it’s not something you had expected heeseung- or any college boy in general- to enjoy. you feel like you’re uncovering a new side of him, one that you haven’t seen before. you shake your head quickly, “no, it’s one of my favorites. just didn’t think you would watch something like this.” he raises an eyebrow in response, leaning back against the couch as he presses play. “i’m a man of depth, y/n.” his voice is teasing, his eyes flickering from yours to the tv. your stomach flips, but you don’t say anything else. you settle back into the couch, unsure of how much distance to put between the two of you. about halfway through the movie, patrick and kat finally kiss. lying down after the paintball game, against the hay. it’s like you can feel the tension snapping between them, your eyes staring longingly at the screen.

you can’t look away. it’s something you’ve always wanted. the kind of love you’ve always wanted to experience (well, besides the fact it all started as a bet). your mind flickers to you and heeseung and whatever… this is. without thinking, the words spill out, wistful, longing. “i’ve always wanted a love like theirs. this movie is perfect.” silence. the reality of who you just spoke those words in front of settles in. you blink, wanting the ground to swallow you. you glance over at heeseung, praying to every god that he somehow didn’t hear you. he definitely did. his eyes flicker towards yours, the corner of his mouth lifting into that signature smirk. he doesn’t say anything at first, just watching you, the way you shift in your seat, obviously regretting your choice of words. “yeah?” he finally asks, his voice low and teasing. it sends a chill through your body, and he leans just a bit closer. “i guess they are pretty nice together, aren’t they? reminds me of us.” his words make your eyes widen just slightly, your pulse speeding up at his comment. you swallow, hard. your mouth opens, but no words leave your lips. his gaze stays on yours, intense, waiting. but you can’t speak. the room feels like it’s shrinking, the air suddenly too think to breathe. he tilts his head, the stupid smirk still on his lips. “cat got your tongue?” his voice is still low, but there’s something else to it now. you bite your lip, nerves crackling between the both of you. the movie continues to play, but it’s just background noise now, only sound filling the heated silence between you. he shifts, his body facing yours completely now, making him feel so much closer. the smirk on his face drops slightly, an unreadable expression taking over his features. your breath stutters, and you force words to leave your lips. “well… i mean-“ he leans in closer, so close you can feel his warm breath against your skin. your heartbeat quickens, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with the moment. you try to ignore your nerves, your erratic heartbeat, your shaky breath, the way your lips part slightly. but it’s impossible. he raises a hand to cup your jaw, his thumb brushing against your bottom lip. “tell me,” he murmurs, his voice barely above a whisper, laced with something you can’t quite place. he drags your bottom lip down with his thumb, before letting it fall back into place. “you ever think about that with someone like me?” you swear your heartbeat stops. because you have. god, of course you have. but the words are stuck in your throat, the moment too tense for you to force any words out. you can’t even think straight. you feel surrounded by him. the look in his eyes, the proximity, his touch. you inhale sharply, your eyes closing for just a second as you try to ground yourself. it’s useless. you’re too far gone, the moment is too tense. his gaze flickers to your lips, a soft breath leaving his lips, and something inside you snaps.

your lips crash against his, your hands threading into his hair to pull him closer. he reciprocates immediately, groaning against your lips, like he had been waiting all night for this. his hand on your jaw tilts your head, deepening the kiss. it’s frantic, messy, and desperate. charged with emotion and the tension that had been building all night. all the unsaid words pouring themselves into the way your lips move against each other. his free hand finds your waist, pulling you closer. slowly, he shifts his hand to your back, fingers splaying out as he secures you, slowly guiding you down until you’re lying back on the couch, your bodies pressed together, his legs between yours. his weight settles over you, caging you in, but it feels like more than that. something you can’t quite place. your fingers leave his hair, trailing down to his chest, your breath stuttering as you feel the way his muscles move beneath his tank top, desire shooting through you. his tongue prods at your bottom lip, asking for more, your mouth opening instinctively to let him in. your breath catches as his tongue brushes against yours. it’s a foreign feeling, and you don’t know what to do. your inexperience is painfully obvious, insecurity filling you. but heeseung doesn’t rush you. his hand on your jaw tilts your head slightly, coaxing you to follow his movements. his kisses are slower now, letting you adjust. it’s messy and uncertain, but he exhales against your lips, hot and heavy, and you realize that he doesn’t care. your inexperience doesn’t matter to him. he wants this. you want this. you let yourself relax, your lips moving more confidently against his. something inside you clicks, your resolve shattering as your mind is clouded with the desire. the want for more. more of his lips, his touch, everything. your body feels like it’s on fire, need spreading throughout you. you pull back, gasping for air, both of your chests rising and falling as you catch your breath. your mind is hazy from the intensity of the kiss, of the feelings swirling through you. heeseung’s gaze softens slightly, like he’s about to say something, but before he can speak, you interrupt him. your voice is shaky, but firm. “i want more.” he stares at you for a second, processing your words. then, his eyes darken, and it’s like you can feel the shift in the room. a deep, guttural groan leaves his lips, and before you can process it, his lips are back on yours. his kisses are deeper, more urgent, desperate, like you just shattered his last ounce of restraint he had. you feel dizzy, his kisses intoxicating. his touch grows more fervent, one tangling in your hair to tilt your head. you sigh against his lips, everything feeling like too much and not enough at the same time as your hands grip his biceps, grounding yourself to something. his tongue slides against yours in a way that makes your head spin, the intensity of his kisses sending your mind reeling.

and then he shifts. just slightly, but his hips press against yours. it’s subtle, unintentional, but it sends a shock through your body, a familiar spark burning in your core. you gasp against his lips, your fingers tightening around his biceps as the pleasure spreads. he notices. fuck, of course he notices. hears the small, shaky sound that leaves you. he pulls back just slightly, his breath warm against your lips. his voice is low, dripping with amusement. “that feel good, princess?” you tighten around nothing, your thighs attempting to close, squeeze together, ease some of the tension you’re feeling. but you can’t, not with heeseung in between your legs. his lips curve into a smirk, picking up on every detail about your body. he presses his lips against yours again. rolling his hips again, this time deliberately. your breath stutters. the feeling is overwhelming, too much with all the emotions you’re already feeling, but you want it. your fingers dig into his biceps, using your grip as an anchor for your sanity, but he doesn’t stop. his lips trail along your jaw, down your neck, his voice tickling your skin. “you like that, don’t you?” you can’t answer, can barely breathe. you try to speak, but he rolls his hips just right, pressing right against your clit, and a whimper slips past your lips. he hears it. loves it. but when you don’t answer, he slows his hips, the loss of friction making your fingers tighten. you go to protest, but he speaks before you. “c’mon princess”, he murmurs, hand sliding down to grip your waist. “i asked you a question.” he shifts slightly- just enough for you to feel it. but it’s not enough. your core clenches at the fleeting pressure. “don’t get all shy on me now,” he hums, angling your hips just right before rolling his agan. slower, more controlled. your nails dig into his arms, head tipping back slightly. it’s not enough. and he knows. he’s waiting. waiting for you to break. and finally, you do. you gasp, voice breathless and desperate as it leaves your lips. “yes.” he huffs out a laugh against your ear, a shiver running down your spine. “that’s my girl.” his lips crash against yours, grinding against you harder, pulling gasps and whimpers from you. “fuck,” he exhales, forehead resting against yours. his breath is ragged, fingers tightening on your waist, like he’s trying to hold back. but you need more. your hips push up, chasing the dizzying pleasure. his grip tightens, his hips rocking harder, faster. “shit- princess…” he groans, burying his face in the crook of your neck. then you feel it. the solid press of him through his sweats. fuck, he’s huge. your stomach clenches, an involuntary moan leaving you. he’s hard, because of you. he’s enjoying this. you shift again, your underwear sticking uncomfortably to yourself, voice shaky and broken. “heeseung-“ his hand slides beneath your shirt, fingers splaying across your waist. his lips hover against yours, voice quiet, strained. “i’ve got you.”

it's too much. every roll of his hips, every kiss, every touch. your head rolls back, eyes fluttering shut as pleasure rushes through you. you can feel the knot in your stomach tightening, so close to tipping over the edge. heeseung watches, his breath hitching. his eyes are dark, lidded, filled with lust. his hands tighten on your waist, hips pressing harder. “you close, princess?” you nod, your hips trying to push up against him, but he holds you down, forcing you to take it. a groan leaves his lips, his voice strained as he grits his teeth. “fuck… you’re gonna make me blow a load in my pants.” his words make you shiver, barely processing words at this point. and then his hips move just right- and you break. your entire body tenses, your back arching off the couch as a broken cry leaves you, white-hot pleasure crashing over you. heeseung’s brows are furrowed, his jaw slack, watching as you tremble beneath him. and that’s all it takes for him. his fingers grip your waist tighter, his hips stuttering against yours as a choked gasp spills past his lips. “ah, fuck-“ he groans out, finally finishing in his pants. his body shakes against yours, the feeling only heightening your pleasure. it’s silent for a bit, the only sounds being the movie playing quietly in the background and your heaving breaths. you can still feel the aftershocks, your mind foggy, having felt as if it's flown somewhere far away. and then, a quiet, breathless laugh leaves heeseung’s lips. “damn, princess.” your lips part, but nothing but a soft exhale leaves your lips. your heartbeat is pounding in your ears, everything feeling too heavy. heeseung’s expression shifts, his amusement turning into something softer, his fingers brushing against your cheek. his touch sends a shiver down your spine, still hypersensitive. “you good?” your eyes finally flutter open, blinking softly. you manage a small nod, slowly coming back to reality. a small laugh leaves his lips, but his tone remains soft. “you sure? you look like you’re on another planet.” you nod again, and then reality sinks in. you just came in your pants because of lee heeseung. you basically had indirect sex with lee heeseung. your eyes widen slightly, a hand covering your eyes as you groan quietly. “i can’t believe we just did that.” he leans down just slightly, his lips brushing against yours ever so softly. “believe it, baby.” you let out an exasperated laugh, rolling your eyes as you shove at his chest. “literally shut up.” he only laughs, pushing himself so he’s hovering above you. he just watches you for a moment, silence enveloping you as you both process everything. and then. “not gonna lie, i’ve never came in my pants before.” your eyes widen, just looking at him. “oh.” you blink, averting your gaze. but then, something clicks. you did that. you were a first for him, too. it causes something proud to bloom in your chest, holding back a smile. “why do you-“ heeseung squints at you, an amused scoff leaving his lips. “are you proud of yourself right now?” you avert your gaze, poorly biting back a smile. “no.” “oh my god,” he groans, his head dropping to rest against your chest. “you so are.” you giggle, trying to ignore how his touch affects you. “i mean, i think that’s kinda an accomplishment. don’t you?” he lifts his head, an amused expression on his face. he laughs softly, shaking his head. “you’re unreal.” “i guess you’re rubbing off on me,” you shrug, pushing some hair out of his face. due to his positioning, though, it falls back right away.

“and, uh…” you hand runs down his face, fingers grazing down his chest as your eyes remain on his. “i’ve never done that with anyone before.” he lets out a quiet curse, and you can feel his muscles tensing under your fingers. he finally snaps out of it, glancing down at where you’re still connected. “this is just uncomfortable now.” you shift your hips, trying to ease some of the uncomfortable stickiness. it backfires, heeseung’s hand gripping your hip as he sucks a breath in through his teeth. “don’t move.” it sends a jolt of electricity through you, your lips parting slightly. fuck, this was such new territory for you. before you can speak, heseung is pushing himself off of you, standing up with a groan. “i’m gonna go get us some pants.” you push yourself up on your elbows, your stomach doing a little flip. the word leaves your lips before you can think about it. “us?” he tilts his head, a soft smile on his lips. “yes, us. i’m not letting you sleep over in ruined pants.” sleep over. you’re sleeping over. you’re spending the night at a guys dorm- heeseung’s dorm. “don’t look so surprised, princess. i’m not letting you walk home this late,” he speaks again, watching your surprised expression. and when he reaches out his hand, pulling you up to your feet, you let him. you let him get you a change of pants. you let him pull you closer in bed. you let yourself fall asleep in lee heeseung’s arms, even though your heart is beating out of your chest the whole time.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

it’s been two weeks. two weeks of this… thing with heeseung. and you’re happy. you’ve never felt this way about anyone before. you’re not dating. neither of you would call it that. no one has. not yunjin, not wonyoung, not his friends- but they all have that look in their eyes when they see you together. they know. because you’re together. kind of. you go to his games occasionally, dragging either yunjin or wonyoung along. because he asked you to come. he wanted you to be there.he’s on time for study sessions, even picking you up from your dorm sometimes. half the time is spent actually getting work done, and the other half is spent talking about everything and nothing at the same time. you go out together now. you take heeseung with you to your favorite café after class. you remember the first time you walked in with him after everything. a few of the workers just stared at you. you always came in alone, but here you were with lee heeseung, standing so close to each other, whispering like your words were only meant for you two. he takes you to a lookout about a twenty-minute drive from campus. it’s always quiet, peaceful. nothing’s said, but everything is understood. he always takes you late at night, the lights far away creating one of the most beautiful nights. the city feels so close, but so far away. just like everything feels with him. and then there’s the other moments. the ones that make you question whatever this is. when he brings your favorite drink to class- because he knows it now. when he watches the shows you recommended, listens to the music you play. when he always makes sure you get home safe, walking you all the way to your door before sending you off. when you catch him looking at you, his eyes softer, something that you can’t quite place. when he can always tell when you’re cold, not even saying anything before he drapes his sweater over your shoulders, going back to whatever he was doing like it was no big deal.it's not obvious you’re together, but it’s obvious that there’s something there. and that’s enough. you’re happy. you’re happy. right? the walk to your dorm is quiet. it’s not awkward- it’s never awkward. it’s just quiet. filled with words that neither of you want to say, caught in your swirling minds. the night is cold, but you can’t feel it. not with heeseung’s hoodie enveloping you, sheltering you from the nipping night air. his shoulder continues to brush against yours, the proximity making you feel safe. but something feels different tonight. the whole day, something felt off. like all the unspoken words were going to come to fruition. he had acted different tonight. softer. closer.

tonight, he had pulled the hood of your (his) hoodie up when the wind picked up, his fingers lingering for just a second too long. his fingers brushed against yours while you walked together, and for a second, you thought he was going to intertwine your fingers. tonight, he had just watched you when you were speaking. really watched you. like he was memorizing every detail of your face. and now, you’re here at your dorm. and you don’t want to go inside. you don’t want the night to end. you shift your weight from one foot to the other, looking up at heeseung as he stands in front of you. “thanks for walking me back,” you mumble, shoving your hands in the pocket of his hoodie. heeseung nods, his lips parting. your eyes light up the slightest bit. it looks like he’s going to do something, say something. finally, finally cross that line. maybe a kiss. not a kiss filled with tension, or a makeout session. a kiss just because. a soft, fleeting goodnight kiss. but then, he just exhales through his nose, his lips curling into a soft smile. his hands lift, your heart speeding up. it’s happening. and then, he tugs your hood down. his touch is so soft, it’s comforting. he brushes a strand of hair behind your ear, your breath hitching at the action. his eyes flicker over your face, filled with unsaid words, and you can almost see the way he’s fighting his thoughts.his voice is so quiet when he speaks, filled with something you can’t place. “goodnight, princess.” you swallow, something akin to disappointment filling you. but you brush it off, simply nodding as you take a step back. “goodnight, heeseung.”his lips part again, but he closes them quickly, simply returning the nod. you try not to let your emotions show, just turning around and entering your dorm, the ghost of whatever moment should’ve just happened disappearing into the air. the door clicks shut behind you, and now it’s just you. alone. it’s quiet. too quiet. you’re half-expecting yunjin’s voice to fill the room, teasing you, asking you to spill all the details- but it doesn’t. she’s spending the night at beomgyu’s. it’s become routine for her. part of you wishes that was routine for you and heeseung as well. you sigh, running a hand through your hair before finally making your way to your bed, sliding under the covers. heeseung’s hoodie smells like him. that somehow makes everything worse. everything should be fine. this shouldn’t be a big deal. but you can’t stop thinking about it. the way he looked at you tonight- hell, the way he’s been looking at you every day lately. how close he got tonight, how his touch lingered. and the look in his eyes. like there was so much he wanted to say. but he didn’t. he never does. you stare at the ceiling, unsure of whether your feelings are valid or not. this isn’t how you expected your first romance to go. not that this is even a romance. or a relationship. or a situationship. whatever it is. you always thought love would be easier to understand, to navigate. that you would see someone, and everything would just click. you wouldn’t have to wonder, you wouldn’t be anxious. love at first sight, they call it. maybe you read too many books, watched too many movies. maybe you just had an unrealistic expectation of love. you push the doubt away, along with the lingering thoughts of confusion. they’re not fair. not to heeseung, and definitely not to you. you’re happy. or, you’re supposed to be happy. so why does it feel like you’re waiting for something that’s never going to come? something just out of reach, like a mirage? no matter how close you get, it continues to get further away.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

the sun is out, trees rustling slightly with the breeze. you and wonyoung walk side by side, her rambling about how some guy in her economics class- anton- keeps trying to flirt with her. it’s funny. sometimes you wonder if wonyoung truly understands how beautiful she is. you can’t blame the guy. “girl, i don’t know why you’re surprised,” you roll your eyes, a small laugh leaving your lips, “you’re stunning.” she smiles, her mouth opening as she goes to respond, but the words die on her lips as both your ears pick up on the conversation happening next to you. “heeseung? oh yeah, he said they were just messing around.” something said in passing by a guy talking to his friend. something not meant for your ears, but you heard it. and it hurt. made your stomach twist, a disgusting feeling settling in your gut. there was a party yesterday. heeseung went. he told you he was going. your mind swirled with endless possibilities. did something happen there? was something said? why are other people talking about you? you don’t react- at least, not outwardly. but the words feel like a punch to your gut. a bucket of ice water being poured over your head. wonyoung hears it, too. you know she did. you watch as she turns to you, her eyebrows furrowing slightly. “heeseung?” she asks, tilting her head slightly. “did something happen?” it only makes the ugly feeling inside you worse. you shake your head, trying to keep your voice as normal as possible. “no. but rumors are just rumors. besides, he’s really popular. people are bound to talk.” you try to convince yourself you mean what you’re saying out loud. like everything’s fine. like it doesn’t hurt. she hesitates a bit, studying your face. she opens her mouth, but ultimately nods along to your words slowly, letting it go. she continues to talk, the conversation between you two easily flowing again. you reply, trying to seem invested. trying to stop the uneasiness forming inside you more and more by the second. but it’s hard. you know heeseung. you know his reputation.

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the café was busy this time of day. conversation and the sound of drinks being made filled the small building, the smell of coffee heavy in the air. you’re sat at your favorite seat in the corner, heeseung sitting across from you. the conversation was flowing easily, the two of you talking about anything that came to your minds. you didn’t mention what you heard earlier, even though the doubts burned in the back of your mind. as much as you tried to push the thoughts away, they stayed. taunting you. the bell jingles, alerting that a new customer is walking in. you turn your head, your stomach dropping the second your eyes land on her. sieun. she makes direct eye contact with you, a slow smirk forming on her face as she walks over. your guard goes up immediately, heeseung having yet to notice her. you knew about their history. everyone did. an on-and-off fling that lasted for months. they ended things for good just a couple months ago, right before you met heeseung. “well,” she says, her voice dripping with false sweetness, a fake smile on her lips as she places her hands on the table. “you move on quick, don’t you? i’ve heard a lot about you two.” your body feels like it goes cold. you glance at heeseung, waiting for him to do something. say anything. but he doesn’t. his smile falters, his eyes flickering towards her. you watch as he rubs the back of his neck, simply shaking his head before turning back to his cup. it sends a chill through you, that same ugly feeling forming in the pit of your stomach. sieun doesn’t even acknowledge you. her eyes stay trained on heeseung, her smile darkening, lips curling into something sadistic. “don’t have anything to say? i heard you were just messing around with this one,” she continues. she can’t even use your name. ‘this one’ stings like a burning rod being pressed to your skin. but her words stick out the most. messing around. the same words you hear earlier. the same words that had been swirling in your head this whole day, making anxiety pound through you. it felt like every fear you had was being confirmed. every rumor, coming to fruition. you watch heeseung, your eyes pleading with him to say something. to say she’s wrong, that there is something between you two. that she heard wrong, and things are different this time. anything to make this right. but instead, he just shakes his head again a small, breathless laugh leaves his lips like he can’t believe this is happening. it makes your stomach twist, frustration bubbling up inside you. the man who always had something to say was now sitting wordlessly in front of you, avoiding eye contact with the both of you.

sieun finally turns to look at you, her smile turning sympathetic, taunting. “you’re cute,” she muses, fake sadness dripping from her voice. “i hope you’re not expecting anything serious.” it hurts. it feels like a stab wound to the heart, pain rushing through your whole body. your mouth opens and closes, but no words leave you. your gaze flickers back too heeseung, waiting for something, anything. that something never comes. sieun simply laughs under her breath and shakes her head, leaving as quickly as she came. leaving you two surrounded by a crushing silence. your hands curl into fists underneath the table, frustration turning to anger and hurt as you stare at the tabletop. heeseung still hasn’t said anything. he sits there, silent, and you can feel his gaze on you. it hurts too much. your heart feels like it’s shattering more by the second, and you can’t take it anymore. you’re pushing yourself up from your seat before you can think twice about it, grabbing your bag, and walking. you don’t look back. you don’t listen to his voice, or the stares from others as you make a beeline for the door. it swings open, the cold outside air whipping around you immediately, only adding to the storm of emotions in your head. you can’t think straight, every thought in your mind jumbled. you don’t hear him behind you, not until you feel the faintest pull on your wrist do you stop, your breath catching in your throat. you hear his breath, ragged, quick. and finally, after everything, he speaks. “y/n,” he says softly, cautiously, almost hesitant. his grip tightens just slightly, tugging just slightly more. “you could’ve said something,” you mumble, the words barely escaping your lips. “anything. and you didn’t.” there’s a pause. silence. deafening silence. and suddenly, it’s like the rose-tinted glasses were ripped off, leaving you standing with the reality of your actions. tears brim your eyes as everything hits you all at once. you fell for the playboy. you were stupid enough to just be another one of his girls. your throat tightens, and the words spill out before you can stop them. “i gave you so much,” you choke out, your voice trembling as you turn around to face him. “i- i actually trusted you. i had hope.” his expression falters just slightly, his grip loosening, just barely, but you notice it. his mouth opens, but you cut him off before he can speak, all the frustrated feelings you’ve bottled up leaving you. “you knew how new this was for me,” you continue, your voice rising. you ignore the stares of other students, or the tears that begin to spill from your eyes. “how new all of this is. why would you- why would you take that from me? i don’t know what i’m doing half the time we’re together, but i still try. and you- you just… you don’t try! you give me nothing in return!”

a bitter laugh leaves your lips, full of disbelief. your free hand comes up to rest on your forehead, trying to ground yourself somehow. but it’s no use. your tears keep falling, anger and heartbreak mixing to form the worst rush of emotions you’ve ever had. “you don’t even kiss me goodnight, heeseung,” you mumble, your voice breaking as more tears spill from your eyes, blurring your vision. “you can’t even do that. the only time we kiss is when you want to fucking make out.” his eyes widen slightly, and you can see the way guilt floods his features. but you can’t stop. it’s like you’re running on autopilot at this point. you laugh again, the sound borderline hysterical. your body is shaking with a mix of your cries and the emotion running through you, the adrenaline, the heartbreak. “you can’t even call me by my actual name,” you whisper, the words tasting bitter as they leave your mouth. part of you can’t believe you’re saying these things out loud. “just ‘princess’. always just princess.” the laugh in your throat dies, simply replaced by silence aside from your sniffles. his face- the guilt on his face- burns into you the more you look at him, your heart shattering at the sight. but whatever this is hurts more. you can’t take it anymore. can’t keep sacrificing your happiness, and having doubts about if lingering touches are true or not. “you don’t know how much that hurts,” you whisper, the anger you felt finally fading into nothing but heartbreak and hurt. “to give you everything, and only feel like a game. you know, i used to dream about my first kiss. every first i could ever have. and you- you took so many of them from me.” you finally stop speaking, letting the words sink in for the both of you. it’s quiet, tears slipping down your cheeks, but your face is blank. and heeseung stands there, motionless. confusion and guilt filling his expression, but you can’t wait around for a baseless apology. so you don’t. you pull your wrist from his grip, and he doesn’t hold you back. he doesn’t say anything. he just watches. and that somehow hurts more than hearing him say anything. you shut your eyes, biting your bottom lip to contain a sob as you turn on your heel, walking away. through your blurry vision, you don’t look back, keeping your vision forward as you walk away so fast it’s borderline running, your heart shattering more with every shaky step.

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your footsteps were heavy, dragging. the walk back to your dorm had been torturous, dried tears on your face, little sniffles escaping you as you ignored the stares of other students. you could acknowledge that you probably looked like shit. the door clicked quietly as you shut it behind you, locking you in silence. the familiar space that always provided comfort, seemed to do absolutely nothing for you now. your bag slid off your shoulder, falling to the floor with a quiet thud, but you didn’t even hear it. you felt numb, everything far away. but here, in the silence, it felt like everything replayed. every word, every emotion, him. your chest tightened, tears brimming in your eyes once again. they started to fall, soft at first, but they soon became uncontrollable. you tried to hold them back, to calm yourself down, but it was no use. your back hit the door, your legs giving out as you slid down, hitting the floor. you tried desperately to catch your breath, your sobs wracking through you as your hands gripped at your chest, trying to grasp at any sense of control over the situation. nothing was working. everything hurt. you were left feeling stupid and gullible. just another one of lee heeseung’s girls. and then, you saw it. on your desk chair, his hoodie was draped over the back. the sight sending a new wave of emotions through you. it was like you could feel it from where you sat on the floor, smell the familiar scent of him the hoodie carried. and it was all too much. a sob broke from your chest, loud, audible, everything crashing down at once. your chest burned. your head hurt. everything felt wrong. you were trying to pull yourself together, but it only got worse. the reality of everything kept tumbling down on you, forcing you to replay the memories of the day over and over. finally, you heard a door open, your eyes flickering over to the bathroom door only to see wonyoung and yunjin rushing to your side. their expressions filled with concern and confusion. it only made everything hurt more. your sobs were bordering being painful, your body shaking with each and every heaving breath you sucked in. wonyoung was next to you first, wrapping her arms around you as you continued to cry. you couldn't do anything, your hands shaking in your lap as the tears flowed freely. “what’d he do?” she asked bluntly, remembering the conversation from earlier. her hands rubbed your head, trying to calm you down as best she could. “what happened?” your lip trembled as you tried to get words out, but all that left was a strangled sob, your eyes clenching shut. your hands came up to your face, as if you were attempting to block out the pain. but nothing worked. you felt the ache deep inside you, burning, stinging. “what do you mean ‘what’d he do’?” you heard yunjin ask, her hand rubbing your knee comfortingly. you couldn’t reply, couldn’t even get a single word out. but you heard wonyoung filling her in on the conversation you overheard earlier, only adding to the pain you felt. you tried to speak, tried to fill them in on what had just happened, but it felt like the words were stuck in your throat, like bile threatening to come up. all that left you was gasps for air. and then, you sucked in a breath, and it all spilled out.

“she…  sieun came up to us. said.. he moved on quickly. that i was a game.” you choked out between sobs, shutting your eyes to ground yourself. “he didn’t- he didn’t say anything. nothing. he was just silent.” “so… fuck. i left.” your chest heaved, squeezing your eyes shut as you spoke the words that felt too real. “he tried to stop me- but i told him everything. everything i’ve been feeling… ands he still didn’t say a single fucking word.” it felt like saying them out loud meant that it actually happened. that it was real. that you didn’t imagine it, it wasn’t a bad dream. wonyoung’s arms tightened around you, pulling your head against her chest as you continued to sob, everything feeling too real. you had never felt this before. this all consuming pain that enveloped your whole body. a pain you couldn’t pinpoint, not a physical pain, but an emotional pain. resting somewhere deep inside you. yunjin’s eyes softened, her hands continuing to rub soft circles on your knee as you shook. “you deserve so much better than that asshole, y/n.” you swallowed hard, trying to steady your breathing. “i don’t know what i was expecting, but i-“ you choked on your words, closing your eyes before continuing. “i thought it was real.” wonyoung rubbed your arm with the hand she had wrapped around you, the touch grounding you, comforting you. “don’t say that,” she whispered, her lips brushing against the top of your head, “this isn’t your fault.” you shook your head, finally lifting it as you wiped your tears, a bitter, disbelieving laugh slipping past your lips. “but it is,” you mumble, your voice shaky, “i let him in. i knew what i was getting into. lee heeseung, campus playboy. and i’m so, so fucking stupid for falling.” the two girls stared at you, pity etched across their faces as they watched you break down on the floor, the happiness you had been feeling being ripped away from you all too soon, leaving you empty and heartbroken.

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the world kept moving. the days stretched on, long and unbearable. it felt like each one bled into the other. it was strange. how time could feel so, so agonizingly slow. it had only been a few days, but it felt like weeks. but a part of you felt like you were still there. standing, waiting, begging for anything, and getting nothing but silence in return. you went to class because you had to. because you couldn’t let your grades slip. you sat in your usual seat with your notebook open, but the words blurred together. you busied yourself by doodling on your paper, words entering one ear and leaving the other. you couldn’t focus on anything, when your mind would drift back to him. every time someone leaned back in their chair, or tapped their pen on their notebook, you felt like you could see him. it made something in your stomach twist violently. you couldn’t tell if it was nausea or longing. but you knew it hurt. “y/n?” you blinked, snapping back to reality at the sound of your name. you looked up, only to be met with the eyes of your professor, staring at you expectantly. fuck. you swallow, gripping your pen just a bit tighter. “uh…” your eyes scanned the board for something, anything, but nothing made sense. you had no idea what was being discussed, or what question had been asked. you felt embarrassment flood you, tugging your bottom lip between your teeth as you sighed. “i’m sorry, i wasn’t paying attention. it’s been a long day.”your professor shook her head, eyes full of disappointment. “you need to pay attention, you’re usually better than this.” it hurt. her look of disappointment, her words. if only she knew how you felt right now, the thoughts running through your head. but you only nodded, sinking in your seat as she moved on, another student raising their hand enthusiastically to answer the one you head clearly missed. you forced yourself to sit through the rest of the lecture, trying to pay attention as best as you could. it didn’t work. eventually, you went back to doodling, your mind running wild with thoughts of regret again.

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eventually, yunjin and wonyoung forced you to go out. they thought it might help, and you believed them. maybe you just needed a night out, surrounded by people. that was bound to get your mind off of everything. so, you did your hair, your makeup, put on an outfit you felt good in. forced yourself to smile, taking a deep breath as you told yourself over and over that this would help. it was a good idea. but the second you stepped inside the bustling restaurant, laughter and voices echoing around you, you realized just how wrong you were. he was everywhere. in the boy at the next table, who wore his hoodie half zipped, his elbows rested on the table as he talked to his friends. in the smell of the cup of coffee a waiter walked by you, your mind drifting back to the café that had become your go-to. you haven’t gone since. in the laugh from someone a few tables down- a different voice, a different person, but it still made your stomach twist. the worst part was the basketball game playing on the tv mounted above the bar. you couldn’t help the way your eyes kept drifting to it, scanning the screen over and over again like you would see him. it wasn’t even your schools team, but you couldn’t stop. it just reminded you of him. the way he moved, controlling the court, making everyone root for him. you remembered the way his eyes would look for yours in the crowd after he scored a point. it made your breath hitch. you weren’t sure how long you stared, hyper focused on the tv, until yunjin’s hand tapped your lightly, your eyes reluctantly pulling away from the tv and back to hers. “you alright? you haven’t said much,” she murmured, beat voice soft, cautious. you shook your head, forcing a small smile that didn’t reach your eyes. “i’m fine,” you lied, forcing yourself to engage in the conversation that was happening. neither of them look convinced. and your eyes kept flickering back to the tv.

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you barely ate. you weren’t even doing it on purpose- didn’t realize how long you would go without eating. you just had no appetite, no desire to fuel your body. you would go the whole day, not even realizing you hadn’t eaten until it was 9pm and yunjin was shoving a cup of ramen in your face with a firm “eat.” it reminded you of how much he loved ramen. the thought only made you want to eat it less, your stomach churning at the thought. sleep wasn’t much better. nights were the absolute worst. at least during the day, you could fake it. pretend you were fine, put on a fake smile and laugh at unfunny jokes people made. busy yourself with small talk, classwork, and meaningless conversations to pull your mind away from the storm inside you, even if only for a bit. but at night, there was nothing to distract you. you had yunjin, of course, but you were tired of dragging her into your heartbreak fueled rants and crying sessions. so it was just you lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling, yunjin’s soft breaths the only noise filling the room. you felt like you were drowning in your emotions. the loss. the regret. the ache in your chest that hadn’t gone away since that day. it was like you could feel it physically. like a weight pressing down on you, constantly following you around throughout the whole day, but it was the worst at night. you were tired. all you wanted to do was sleep. but you couldn’t. your mind was running at a million miles a minute, everything coming back to you. when you finally fell asleep, it wasn’t any better. in your dreams, you were back there- standing in front of him with a broken heart and crushed dreams. you always woke up before he could answer. and you felt stupid. because this is exactly what you had been afraid of. this is why you had been so hesitant. because you knew how it would end- you knew what he was like. and still, you let yourself fall. you didn’t even try to catch yourself, willingly stepping off the edge and enjoying the freefall until you hit the ground. hard. this was why you had stuck to romance novels for so long. why you had lived vicariously through kat stratford, rose bukater, lara jean covey… the list could go on and on. because, as much as you longed to experience romance, you were scared. scared that real life wouldn’t be like the book and movies. it wouldn’t be like the songs, or the cheesy love-at-first-sight stories old couples would tell you. and it wasn’t. it was painful, and things weren’t always destined to work out. even your playlists had shifted. whereas a week ago, your most played song was ‘bewitched’ by laufey, a lovesick smile on your face as you laid in bed, singing along to the lyrics, you found yourself repeating ‘right where you left me’ by taylor swift lately. you felt like the song described your situation too perfectly. you couldn’t decide if that was better or worse for coping. eventually you settled on the latter, because you would cry every time it came on, your breath hitching the second you heard the ‘friends break up, friends get married.” you just wanted everything to go back to normal. you wanted to go back to the day you met heeseung, walking to a different seat instead of sitting down next to him. you wanted to beg the professor to assign you with someone else. you wanted to never step foot in that fateful party that changed everything.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

it’s quiet aside from the video playing from your phone. you’re curled up in bed, a bowl of pretzels in your lap as you watch a video essay on youtube about fourth wall breaks. you had nothing else to do. yunjin was spending the night at beomgyu’s. again. wonyoung had to study for an exam coming up. you were left alone, your phone being your only entertainment. sure, you could’ve gone out. but it’s 11pm. you just needed something to keep your mind occupied. it usually doesn’t work. but tonight, things are different. you’re happier tonight. things are easier. your mind doesn’t keep drifting back to him. you stretch, rolling your neck as the voice talks about deadpool’s fourth wall breaks. it’s weirdly interesting. you forgot how entertaining youtube essays could be. the peace is shattered by a knock on your door. the sound is sharp and unexpected, making you jump slightly as you look towards the door. you freeze for a second, before checking the time on your phone. 11:15pm. who would be here this late? part of you thinks yunjin came back. but she has a key, so why wouldn’t she just unlock the door? you stand, slowly walking towards the door, yawning slightly as you near it. maybe it’s wonyoung. she could’ve finished studying and wanted to hang out. but when you finally pull open the door, your breath catches in your throat. there, standing on the other side, is heeseung. you feel your stomach churn. he looks different. there’s bags under his eyes, and his hair is messy, like he’s been running his hands through it. there’s a look in his eyes that you can quite place, something you’re grown accustomed to. you can never truly tell what he’s thinking. you stare at him, but you can’t get any words out. his eyes are staring back into yours, and it feels like time stops. you’re frozen, unable to move. he’s here. standing in front of you. you finally find your voice, forcing the words to leave your parted lips. “what are you doing here?” your tone is sharper than intended, and part of you wishes you could take them back. but it’s too late. they’re out there. heeseung stands still, his body tense. his eyes flicker around, like he’s lost deep in thought. it’s overwhelming. he hasn’t even said anything and you feel like he’s already said too much. you take a deep breath, your hand on the door as you get ready to close it. but heeseung’s fast. he reaches out, his fingers splaying across the door and halting your movements. “wait. wait,” he pleads, his voice quiet, breathy. “just let me explain, please. just- just let me in. i need to, fuck… i need to say something.” you hesitate, your eyes searching his. your mind is telling you to shut the door in his face, crawl back in bed, and pretend this conversation never happened. but you don’t. you can’t. something about his expression, the way he’s standing there, eyes pleading with you to listen for once- it stops you. so you open the door wider, letting him step inside. your heart feels like it’s beating out of your chest, averting your gaze from his as you step to the side. he steps inside, and it’s like you can feel the shift in the room. you shut the door behind him, turning around to face him, and it’s like something cracks within him. he doesn’t wait a second longer. he just starts talking, words spilling out of him like a dam, like he’s been holding them back for some time. “i don’t- i don’t do relationships. i don’t know how to do them. i don’t know how to feel this way. wasn’t supposed to feel this way,” he pauses for a moment, running a shaky hand through his hair. “i was fine before you. but now, everything has changed. i’m so fucking confused.” you stand there, frozen, your stomach twisting at his words. it feels like you’ve been hit by a truck. you don’t know what to do, what to say, how to react. his voice rises slightly, and for the first time, you see his true feelings. “you- fuck, you ruined me.”

his words are softer than you expect. they lack the usual teasing. they’re not sharp or mocking. they’re just a quiet emission of something he’s been dealing with, something he doesn’t know how to navigate. the pure emotion in his voice cuts through like a knife, hitting somewhere deep inside where all the sadness had piled up inside you. “you make me want things i don’t even know how to want,” he continues, his voice quiet now, barely above a whisper. “i tried to deny it. i tried to push every feeling i had away. i couldn’t admit it to myself- i was scared.” he stops talking, sucking in a breath as he stares at you. his eyes search yours, like he’s trying to gauge your emotions. you’re not sure. you don’t even know what you’re feeling right now. you’re finally able to force a word out, your voice shaky and quiet, like you’re not even sure you want him to hear. “heeseung…” but he doesn’t respond. he just stands there, his chest rising and falling with every shaky breath he takes. his eyes stay locked on yours, and his mouth parts like he’s going to say something, start speaking again. but instead, he runs a hand through his hair, letting out an incredulous laugh. it’s not a happy laugh. it’s disbelieving, tinged with frustration and sadness, like he can’t even comprehend the fact that he’s in this position right now, pouring his heart out to someone he hurt. “fuck,” he mutters, shaking his head, his voice wavering. “i can’t even focus at practice. coach keeps yelling at me, reprimanding me, but-“ he pauses, his eyes landing on yours again. “i can’t stop thinking about you. it’s screwing me up.” you blink, the weight of his admission sinking in, making your eyes sting and a lump form in your throat. his voice is so raw, his words hitting you like a punch to the gut every time. his hand is shaky as he runs it over his face, shaking his head like he’s fighting something inside himself. “i don’t know what’s happening to me,” he continues, his voice breathy and laced with emotion. “i can’t stop wanting you. i don’t know what to do with that. i’ve never felt this for someone before.” he steps forward slightly, and you can feel yourself tense up. there’s an intensity in his eyes, raw and unfiltered. like he’s determined. it’s the most honest you’ve ever seen him be, the first time you’ve been able to tell what he’s feeling by looking at him. it almost knocks the breath out of you. “i want… i want you to be mine, y/n,” he confesses, his voice full of sincerity. “i want to hold your hand, not just have our fingers brush. i want to kiss you, for no reason at all, but because i can’t help it. i want you to be able to tell people i’m yours. i just, i want to be close to you all the time. i’ve never experienced this before, and it scares the hell out of me. but losing you is worse. i can’t keep pushing my feelings- and you- away when you’re all that i think about.” you freeze, your breath hitching as his words sink in more and more. he wants you. he wants this. your heart is racing, and your breathing picks up just a bit. heeseung takes another step closer, his voice barely above a whisper now as if he’s scared to say the words out loud. “i’m so fucking scared, y/n. this is all new to me. i don’t know how to do this. but i want to make this right. i want to be able to tell you what i’m feeling and what i want, just- please, don’t walk away again.”

the desperation in his voice tears at you, and before you can stop yourself, your vision blurs. the pressure in your chest builds, and a shaky breath leaves you as you feel the dam break. tears spill from your eyes, hot and fast, all the emotions you’ve been bottling up crashing down from the weight of his words. heeseung’s eyes widen the second he sees your face shift, and in an instant, he’s there. his hands gently cup your face, his thumb softly wiping away every tear that falls. your breath hitches at his touch, a quiet sob leaving your lips. “hey, hey, look at me,” he says softly, his hands guiding your face up carefully, like he’s afraid you might break. “i didn’t mean to- fuck. don’t cry, baby.” you can’t stop it. the tears are falling down faster that you can hold them back. heeseung’s thumbs continue to brush against your cheeks, trying to calm down the rush of emotions you’re experiencing. but it’s too much- the words, the emotions, the tenderness. it’s all so new, so different from what you’ve been experiencing these past few days. your chest tightens, a mix of pain and relief swirling inside you, and before you can stop yourself, you press your head against his chest, your fingers gripping tightly onto his hoodie in a desperate attempt to steady yourself. heeseung tenses up at the contact, his hands still cradling your face, albeit a bit awkward in this new positioning. but he doesn’t pull away. he lets you lean against him, tears spilling from your eyes as both of you breath shakily, like you’re afraid this moment could disappear at any second. for a few seconds, neither of you moves. the room is thick with tension, and the sounds of your sniffles and his uneven breathing. then slowly, cautiously, his hands finally slip down to rest at your back, gently- his touch so light you almost don’t feel it- pulling you a bit closer to him. his movements are tentative, like he’s not sure if he even has the right to hold you, but he’s too afraid to let you go. then, slowly, you pull away. but not far. just enough so you can tilt your head up, your eyes locking with his. and for a moment, it feels like the world stops. all his emotions are laid bare- his sincerity, his longing, his fear. and every emotion he’s feeling is mirrored in your gaze. you’re both scared, but you’re no longer hiding those feelings from each other. this is something new for both of you, but you know you’re ready to navigate it together.

before you can think too much about it, or second guess your thought process, you’re leaning in, pressing your lips against his. softly, tentatively at first. it’s different from every other kiss you shared. it’s not the rushed, messy kisses born from confusion and curiosity. no. it’s different. it’s slow, tender, filled with every unspoken word, every quiet confession that’s stayed locked deep inside until now. all the feelings of longing that have finally surfaced. it’s everything you both wanted but were too scared to ask for. his lips move against yours slowly, and the gentleness of the kiss contrasts everything that came before it. the rush of emotions is still there, but it's calm now, dissipating softly like the rain slowing down after a thunderstorm. it’s just the two of you, finally letting go, spilling your emotions out. heeseung’s hand moves to the back of your neck, his touch gentle but firm, pulling you closer. you can feel the warmth of his breath against your lips, the soft press of his body against yours. it’s not like before. it’s real. and it’s yours. when he finally pulls back, there’s a moment of silence. neither of you say anything, but you don’t have to. the air is thick with meaning. there’s no need for words anymore. there’s a silent understanding between the two of you. a small, hesitant smile tugs at his lips, his hand moving from the back of your neck to cup your face. “i mean it,” he whispers softly, as though he’s trying to reassure both of you. his thumb brushes against your bottom lip, his eyes flickering to them before back up to your eyes. “i’m not going anywhere.” you nod, a shaky breath leaving your lips as your eyes search his. “i know,” you whisper back, the words a promise exchanged between the two of you. you lean back in, connecting your lips for the second time that night. the second they meet again, it’s different. the hesitation, the sadness, it all melts away, being replaced by something different. something neither of you can hold back anymore. your fingers dig deeper into the fabric of his hoodie, desperate for something to ground you in this moment. you feel heeseung’s hand move around to the back of your head again, fingers tangling slightly in your hair. you pull away, just slightly. your lips are still hovering over his, and you whisper, so quiet you’re not even sure if he heard. “heeseung…” you don’t even know what you’re asking for. you don’t know why you’re saying his name. his breath hitches, but he doesn’t pull away. you can feel the hand on your back tighten slightly, and he exhales softly, voice low. “i know.” and then he’s kissing you again, more sure this time, more determined. he guides you backward, each step slow, until the back of your knees hit the edge of the bed. he doesn’t rush you. he just holds you there, lips moving against yours, as if he’s waiting for you to stop him. you don’t.

he slowly eases you down on the bed, his hand on your back supporting you until your back collides with the bed. he follows you, until his body is hovering over yours. he finally pulls back, his weight braced on his forearm. his gaze flickers over your face, as if he’s memorizing every piece of you, trying to read your mind in this exact moment. it’s a look you’ve never seen in his eyes before, and it makes your stomach do flips. he raises one of his hands, his thumb brushing against your cheek. the softness of his touch sends a shiver down your spine, and you can’t help the way you push your head into his touch. and then, he speaks quietly, almost like a vow. “let me prove it to you.”your breath hitches. your eyes widen slightly, and you feel like you can’t move. you can’t speak. you feel like these past two weeks heeseung has spilt you open, making you feel things no one else has ever done before, and now he’s in front of you, offering to do the same. and for the first time, it feels real. heeseung doesn’t push. he just waits. because for the first time in a long time, this isn’t a game to him. it’s not about winning, or getting the girl. it’s about you. silence lingers between you, his words sinking into your mind. let me prove it to you. your heart pounds against your ribs, and part of you is sure he can hear it. his thumb continues to trace slow, soothing circles against your cheek, and the gentleness of it, the want, the need you feel pushes you. your fingers tighten in the fabric of his hoodie, exhaling a slow deep breath. you can feel the nerves pulsing through your body, but the warmth of his body above you, the emotions in his eyes, the softness of his touch, it’s enough. you tilt your chin up, pulling him down into another kiss. he reacts immediately, his lips moving against yours in slow, careful kisses. he still doesn’t rush you. his hand slips from your cheek to trail down your arm, fingertips skimming across your skin and leaving goosebumps in their wake. slowly, the kiss deepens, bit by bit. his tongue swipes across your bottom lip, and just like last time, you let him in. it’s still clumsy, but you let yourself relax under his touch, sighing against his lips. his hand finds your waist, his fingers tightening slightly like he’s trying to hold himself back, and slowly, his lips trail lowers. to the corner of your mouth, then your jaw, then the soft curve of your neck. your breath hitches. his lips are moving slowly, his kisses soft and fleeting, like he’s testing the waters, lingering, waiting for any sign that this is too much. but you don’t stop him. instead, you let your head roll back slightly against the pillow, granting him more access to your neck. his kisses grow more intense at that, sucking a piece of your skin and pulling a gasp out of you. his fingers brush under the hem of your shirt, just barely slipping beneath the fabric, his fingertips pressing slightly on your stomach. it sends a shiver down your spine, and instinctively, your body tenses. not out of fear- but because it’s new.

this isn’t like the last time this happened. it’s more full of emotion, more sure, like you’re dedicating yourself to him. like this time, you’re truly crossing a line that can never be undone. heeseung notices immediately. he stills, his lips hovering over your skin, his warm breath against your neck sending a shiver through you. he stops moving his hand up, simply opting to run slow, lazy circles on your torso with his thumb. he pulls back just enough to look at you, his dark eyes searching your face, as if he’s trying to understand what you want. what you need.you swallow, his gaze making something churn inside you. your chest is rising and falling in quick, timid breaths, nerves rushing through you. the hesitation is there. the fear. but so is the anticipation. the want. the need to experience something new, to finally give in to what your body and heart have been desiring. so you don’t pull away. you don’t stop him. instead, you push yourself up slightly, your lips hovering against his, and you whisper, “it’s okay.” something in his gaze darkens, something unreadable passing through his expression. he holds your gaze for a second longer, like he’s giving you one last chance to change your mind. like he’s trying to make sure that you’re sure. but when you don’t- when you reach up and curl your fingers around the back of his neck, pulling his lips fully against yours- his restraint snaps.his kisses are hungry, taking more and more from you. and you love it. his hand under your shirt moves again, fingers splaying across your ribs as he holds you there, his lips moving against yours. for the first time, neither of you are trying to hold back. you arch slightly, pushing your chest into his hand, assuring him he can go further. and just like that his hand moves up more, cupping your breast over your bra and eliciting a gasp from your lips. your fingers curl in his hair, your chest rising and falling at the new sensation. heeseung can feel his restraint slipping more and more by the second. the need to be all over you, to make you feel sensations you’ve never felt before. but even through the haze, he’s careful. because this is you. and he knows this is a lot. his lips place sloppy kisses against your neck, his fingers groping and massaging your breast, ripping gasps and sighs from your lips. it’s like each kiss, each touch is a silent question, waiting, asking for permission without saying the words. and you give it to him. in the way your back arches, the way your hands tug at the strands of his hair, the gasps that leave your pretty lips as he explores places of you no one ever has before. he exhales a shaky breath against your skin, and he pauses, resting his head against your shoulder. his hand pulls at the cup of your bra, teasing you- and himself. tempting both of you with what’s about to happen. his body is tense, his breathing heavy, like he’s trying to control himself.

and then he lifts his head, his eyes dark and dazed as he looks at you. god, the way he looks at you. it makes your heart stutter, your stomach flip, it sends a rush of desire through you, your thighs attempting to close, rub together, ease any of the tension you’re feeling. but of course, like last time, you can’t. not with heeseung resting between your legs. his lips part slightly, like he wants to say something. but instead, he swallows hard, his eyes roaming across your frame. and before you can even process it, before you can allow yourself to feel self-conscious under his gaze- he moves. his finger slides out from under your shirt, and his hands curl around the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head with one smooth motion. a gasp leaves your lips, and he tosses it aside, not caring where it lands. and then he’s back on you. his lips are pressing urgent, feverish kisses across your newly exposed skin. his hands are everywhere, his lips are everywhere. he kisses you like he needs it. it leaves your head spinning, and your body feeling like it’s on fire. “heeseung-“ his name leaves your lips in a breathless plea, barely more than a whisper, feeling everything all at once. you feel him shudder against you, his lips pausing against your breast. then, slowly, his hand slips behind your back, his fingers resting on your bra clasp. it sends a shiver through you, your heart stuttering at the feeling. his voice is low, filled with lust, and he raises his head just slightly, his eyes meeting yours. “can i?” and you nod. you don’t think twice, simply pushing your back off the bed to give him easier access. and slowly, he pulls your bra off of you, leaving your top half completely exposed to him, showing him more than anyone else has ever seen. “you’re fucking beautiful,” he murmurs, before his lips are back on you, his lips immediately latching onto one of your nipples, his tongue flicking, his lips sucking lightly, sending pleasure coursing through your veins. his hand comes up to massage the other one, pulling a choked moan from your lips. the feeling is so new, so foreign, and you didn’t know it could feel this good. you can’t help the way you squirm under his touch, your head falling back as breathless sighs leave your lips. your fingers tangle in his hair, tugging hard. and heeseung groans against your skin. a low, deep sound that vibrates through you, making your stomach clench and your thighs twitch, desperate to alleviate the need growing within you. and slowly, he sits up, his eyes locked on yours. your chest rises and falls rapidly as you watch him, already missing the feeling of his mouth on you. but then. his fingers grab his hoodie, pulling it over his head.

something deep pools inside you at the sight of him. something that has you attempting to clench your thighs. your eyes take over his figure. the toned muscles, the sharp lines, his v-line, the way his sweatpants hang just a little too low on his hips. it makes your mouth water. but you don’t get to stare long. because his lips are back on you immediately. trailing over your chest before moving down slowly. his hands rub down your sides, mapping out every curve. his lips trail between your breasts, then down the center of your stomach. his kisses are slow and unhurried, making you feel dizzy. you body is so sensitive to every little thing he does. your breath catches as he gets lower, and lower, and lower- until he stops. his lips rest right above the waistband of your sweatpants, his hot breath against your skin making you shudder. he looks up at you, his eyes dark, filled with lust, and you can feel yourself clench around nothing. his fingers toy with the waistband of your sweats, simply watching you. as if he’s asking for permission without saying a word. and you give it to him. you push your hips off the bed slightly, slow and needy, your eyes full of desire as you stare at him, a shaky exhale leaving your lips. “fuck,” heeseung whispers against your skin, a shiver running through you. you feel the way his grip on your waistband tightens, his mouth so tantalizingly close to where you need him. and then his lips part, a soft breath leaving his lips as he finally speaks, his voice low and dark. “are you sure?” you nod, a soft whimper leaving your lips as you wriggle your hips, your eyes pleading with him. he only breathes a laugh against your skin, the sound quiet and breathless, his lips pressing a soft kiss against your skin, a shaky breath leaving your lips as the feeling sends a shiver down your spine. “words, baby,” he whispers out, his voice low and teasing, but there’s an edge to it that makes your stomach twist and your core clench around nothing. you don’t even know if you can speak. everything is so overwhelming in the best way possible, your eyes flickering all over his face as he just watches you with a smirk. you push your hips up again, your breath coming out desperate and breathy as you whisper. “heeseung, please.” that’s all it takes for him. he smiles, pressing another kiss to your skin before his fingers dip under your waistband, tugging your sweats and underwear down in one go. his fingers tug slowly, revealing more and more by the second. you feel more exposed, suddenly aware of how you’re now completely naked in front of heeseung. but you trust him. his eyes stay on yours the entire time, until he finally gets your pants off your legs completely, tossing them somewhere in the room. only then, does his gaze drop down, and you can see the way his eyes darken as he zeroes in on you. you go to close your legs, suddenly self aware, but he grips your thighs before you get the chance, a soft gasp leaving your lips as he looks back up at you. “keep these open for me, hm?” his thumbs rub slow, absentminded circles against your skin as he just watches you. like he’s committing the sight of you laid out bare beneath him to his memory. but it’s torturous for you.a whimper catches in your throat as your hands grip at the sheets, your hips attempting to move. “heeseung-“ he pushes your hips down, keeping you in place as he shakes his head. “you’re so needy, baby.” slowly, his fingers trail up your inner thighs, so close to where you need him, but never quite touching you, never giving you what you so desperately need. you whine, shifting your hips up, trying to feel something, but he just pushes your thighs down again. “patience,” he murmurs, the corner of his lips quirking up. “let me take my time with you.” and slowly, so slowly, he runs a finger along your slick folds, the sensation making a gasp slip from your lips. your thighs twitch, and he moves his finger up, pressing down on your clit and pulling a soft moan from you.

“oh- heeseung,” you gasp out, your eyes closing and opening again as your chest rises and falls rapidly, growing accustomed to the feeling of someone else controlling your pleasure. he hums, before moving his finger back down, finally inserting a finger inside you. a moan slips past your lips, your walls fluttering around him. “shit, baby,” he exhales, a breathy laugh leaving him as he looks up at your face before back down at your cunt. “you’re so tight.” he curls his finger, stretching you open as you gasp and whine, your hands tightening in the sheets as he pushes another finger inside your dripping cunt. you let out a shaky breath, your head rolling back against the pillow. and then his mouth is on you. a choked moan rips from your throat as his mouth sucks on your clit, the new feeling making your eyes shoot open as your hands fly from the sheets to his hair. “heeseung- fuck-“ you gasp out, your hips attempting to move, but he uses his free hand to press down on your stomach, forcing you to stay still. to take it. it’s too much too fast. you can feel the knot in your stomach tightening, every suck and press pushing you closer to the edge. your fingers tighten in his hair, and heeseung groans against you, sending a delicious vibration through you. your thighs shake as you gasp, teetering right on the edge. “heeseung,” you moan out, your voice shaky and strained, “gonna- i-“ you can barely get the words out before his lips curve into a smirk against your skin. he hums, the feeling making you squirm before he mutters, “already?” and then his mouth is back on you. his fingers are moving faster, his mouth sucking harder, his tongue working over your clit in slow circles. it's too much. your body tenses up and finally, the coil snaps. a broken moan spills from your throat as your back arches off the bed, your body trembling as you come undone. you can feel his arm press down harder, holding your bottom half still as you gasp, unable to do anything but take it. he doesn’t stop. at least, not immediately. he works you through it, his tongue lapping up every drop of your release, his fingers still moving and drawing out your pleasure. only when it’s too much, a whine slipping past your lips as your hands tug at his hair, does he stop. he pulls back, the bottom half of his face glistening with your slick, his eyes dark as he meets yours- and somehow, you want more all over again. “still with me, princess?” his voice is teasing, and he pushes himself up until he’s hovering over you. “or did i fuck you dumb already?” you can barely answer, the aftershocks of your orgasm still coursing through you. his lips hover above yours, a small smile on his lips before he presses them against yours. you can taste yourself against his lips, slightly bitter. your hips attempt to close, but he’s already settled himself between your legs, and you can feel him smirk against your lips as he grinds his hips just enough for you to feel him. it makes you gasp against his lips, desire coursing through you again. you can feel how hard he is, the outline of his cock pressing against your inner thigh through his sweats. “you want this just as much as i do, don’t you?” he mumbles against your lips, his voice a low rasp. you can only nod, your breath catching in your throat as he rolls his hips again. “think you can take me, baby?” he smirks, one of his hands sliding down your body to pull your legs open further, pressing his clothed cock right against your core and grinding down, forcing a quiet moan from you. “please,” you whine out, your eyes fluttering shut as your mouth falls open in a silent gasp. “yeah? want me inside you? stretching you out, filling you up for the first time?” he whispers against your lips, pressing his hips harder against yours as he lets out a strained breath. your breath hitches at the lewd words leaving his lips, but your cunt clenches around nothing. you finally crack, words spilling from your lips. “yes- please… want you,” you murmur, your eyes pleading with him, full of desire.

his smirk deepens, and he presses a final kiss to your lips before pushing himself up. his fingers dig into the waistband of his sweats, and in one fluid motion, he pulls them down along with his boxers. his cock slaps against his stomach, his tip angry and leaking, and your eyes widen at the sight. how the fuck was that going to fit inside you? he stroked himself a few times, huffing out a laugh at your surprised expression. “see something you like?” he asks, a teasing tone to his voice. you roll your eyes with a small smile, but you can’t hide the desire in your expression. the way your cunt clenches around nothing as your eyes flicker back down to where his cock strands. he leans down, hovering over you as he pulls one of your legs open, exposing you to himself further. his cock brushes against your inner thigh, his tip leaking against your skin and causing you to shudder. “is it… gonna hurt?” you ask quietly, almost feeling stupid for asking such a question. but he doesn’t judge you. his expression shifts from one of amusement to something more soft, his hand on your thigh rubbing gentle circles as he smiles at you. “it might sting a little bit,” he whispers back, leaning down to press a soft kiss to your lips. “but just relax for me, alright? i’ll take care of you.” you nod, your voice breathless as you reply. “okay.” your pulse races as his cock brushes against your folds, the reality of everything setting in. you’re about to lose your virginity. it makes a mix of anxiety and adrenaline rush through you, a mewl leaving you at the feeling. “that’s my girl,” he whispers, his hand leaving your thigh to grab his cock, rubbing himself up and down your folds, coating himself in your juices and drawing quiet moans from your lips, your hips pushing up just slightly, chasing the sensation. finally, he positions himself at your entrance, his hips pushing forward as he enters you. the stretch makes your breath catch in your throat. it stings. it’s overwhelming. it’s such a new feeling, sending a shiver down your spine as your cunt clenches around him, drawing a groan from his lips. “fuck,” you breathe out, your voice shaky and quiet, fading into a moan as your eyes clench shut. he pauses for a moment, letting you adjust to the stretch as he presses a kiss to the corner of your lips. “you’re doing so good for me, baby,” he murmurs, his hand sliding to your cunt, rubbing soft circles on your clit and ripping a gasp from you. “just breathe for me.” it distracts you from the burning stretch, dulling the pain the slightest bit as your cunt clenches around him, his hips starting to move again. a soft, shaky breath leaves your lips, your hands coming up to grip his shoulders as he fills you completely. “feel good, princess?” he murmurs against your lips, his voice soft as his thumb continues to rub circles against your clit, a little faster now. you nod, words caught in your throat as the pleasure begins to mix with the pain, giving way to a sensation- a fullness- you’ve never felt before. finally, he bottoms out. you can fill every ridge and vein, your cunt pulsing around him as it struggles to accommodate the stretch. his thumb never stops circling your clit, easing you into full pleasure. he doesn’t move, simply resting inside you and letting you adjust to the new feeling. and slowly, the pain fades. replaced by pleasure, a want- a need- for more. your hips move slightly, a gasped moan slipping past your lips at the pleasure that rushes through you. “please,” you whimper, your fingers digging into his shoulders as your eyes flutter open, meeting his. “move…”

slowly, carefully, he pulls out slightly, dragging out of you before pushing back in, pulling a soft moan from your lips. every roll of his hips presses him further inside you, making your mind hazy as you adjust to the fullness. “hee,” you whimper out, your head rolling back as the feeling grows more pleasurable, sending your head spiraling with every thrust. his thumb still circles your clit, drinking in every reaction you give him. “yeah, baby?” he murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to your lips, making you focus on him for a second. “still doing good?” you nod, your breath getting caught in your throat as he hits a particularly deep spot. it feels good. it feels so good. but you want more. you need more. “yeah,” you whisper. “feels good, but-“ you hesitate, but you don’t need to finish. you catch the way heeseung’s eyes darken immediately, his movements stilling for just a second, like he’s processing your words, before he’s moving again. “you want more, princess?” his voice is lower now, darker. hungrier. it makes you clench around him, a hiss leaving his lips, the corner of his lips quirking up. you nod frantically, your fingers gripping his shoulders as his hand leaves your clit to find purchase on your waist. “please,” you gasp out. “i need-“ you don’t get to finish. a moan spills from your throat as he pulls out, only to slam back in. his careful, slow, pace is gone in an instant, replaced by something deeper. something intoxicating. your fingers claw at his shoulders, his arms, his back, anything you can to ground yourself as his thrusts speed up. “fuck,” he grits out, his head dropping to your shoulder as his hips snap forward again, the sound of skin slapping skin filling the room. “knew you’d take me so well, baby.” it’s too much. the pleasure builds, your moans getting louder. you can’t even control the noises leaving your mouth, too lost in the pleasure. you don’t even register how loud you’re getting until his hand clamps over your mouth. your eyes fly open, seeing him hovering over you now, his gaze half-lidded and dark. his lips are parted, uneven breaths leaving him as his hips continue to ram into you.“shh, princess,” he rasps, his thumb brushing against your cheek as he hits a particularly deep spot, making you moan out against his mouth. “only i get to hear those pretty sounds, yeah?” a muffled whimper leaves your mouth, your walls fluttering around him as you process his words. his pace never slows, pushing your limits, testing just how much you can really take. and you love it. “bet you’d sound so pretty if you could really let go,” he murmurs, his dark eyes staring into yours. his free hand trails down, resting on your stomach. your eyebrows furrow slightly, just before he presses down. your eyes roll back, a loud moan escaping your mouth and being concealed by his palm. it makes you feel him, all of him. stretching you. filling you completely. “you feel that, baby?” his fingers press harder, drawing another strangled moan from your lips as your eyes clench shut. “so fucking deep inside you. you take me so well, fuck-“ your body responds before you know what you’re doing. your hips roll up to meet his, desperate for more of the pleasure you’re experiencing. and heeseung loses it. “can you be quiet for me, princess?” he whispers. and you nod, hazy, dazed. he smirks, pressing harder on your stomach and pulling a broken moan from your lips as your body jolts beneath him. he slowly removes his hand from your mouth, sliding it down your body to grab your thigh, spreading you wider for him. a choked whimper leaves your lips, your mouth clenched shut as you try your hardest to hold your sounds in. but it feels too good. tears gather in your lashes, your body arching into his.

his cock twitches inside you, a dark grin on his face as he tilts his head at you. “what’s wrong, baby?” his voice is mocking, teasing, cruel. and it only drives you crazier. a tear slips down your cheek, your cunt clenching around him. you don’t trust your voice- hell, you don’t even know if you can speak right now.“too much?” he asks, but he doesn’t stop. if anything, he pushes deeper. you shake your head frantically, a broken sob leaving your lips as more tears spill down your cheeks. he sits back on his heels, the new angle pushing him deeper as a choked moan slips past your lips, your own hand coming up to cover your mouth. he only chuckles, his voice dripping with amusement- and something darker- as he watches you unravel beneath him. “feels good, doesn’t it?” it’s too much. it’s all too much. the coil in your stomach is winding tight, threatening to pull you over the edge at any second. and heeseung notices. he notices how your thighs began to shake, your moans turning into breathy, desperate whimpers, the way you clench around him. “close?” is all he asks, his eyes dark and lidded as he watches you. your hand slides from the sheet to his arm, desperate to find something to ground yourself as you teeter on the edge. “hee-“ you manage to gasp out, your voice breaking off into a moan as tears slide down your cheeks. he groans at the way you clench around him, his hand finding your clit again, rubbing tight, merciless circles, forcing you closer to the edge. and it’s too much. it builds so fast it makes your head spin. hell, you don’t even feel like you’re real at this point.“come for me, princess,” he groans out, thrusting particularly deep inside you. “let go.”your orgasm rips through you, your back arching off the bed as you cry out, a loud, broken moan barely muffled by your hand. your vision goes white, your body locking up as the strongest orgasm you’ve ever had takes over your body. but he doesn’t stop. his pace doesn’t falter for a second, fucking you through your high, testing your limits as the pleasure shifts into something more intense. your body can barely keep up. you’re sobbing, gasping, your body stuck between pushing him away and pulling him closer. “just a bit longer, baby,” he groans, his hand moving from your clit to your waist, holding you still as his thrusts turn erratic. your eyes roll back, your poor body unable to keep up with the pleasure you’re feeling. and then, a low guttural moan escapes heeseung’s lips, his hips pressing as hard as they can against yours as he finally spills inside you. the sensation of being filled has you gasping, clenching around him as his body trembles with his orgasm. slowly, he lowers himself down, pressing soft kisses to your lips to ease you back to reality, your dazed eyes meeting his as ragged breaths escape your lips. you’re wrecked. “you did so good for me, princess,” he murmurs, his voice breathless as his lips trail soft kisses down your jaw, his warm hands soothing over your trembling thighs, slowly pulling you back down to earth. you can’t even find the words to speak. you only nod, your hand slowly lifting to tangle in his hair, just resting there. he chuckles, leaning up to look at you. a soft smile forms on his lips, his thumbs brushing the tears off of your cheeks. “you okay?” you nod again, your voice wrecked, barely more than a whisper. “yeah.”

he doesn’t say anything, simply watching you. his gaze is so soft, his touch featherlight against your skin. his hips pull back slowly, making you gasp at the sensitivity it sends through you. and then he’s pulling out, his hands moving down to your hips as he sits back on his heels. your hips shift, adjusting to the empty feeling, a shiver running through you when you feel his cum dripping out of you. heeseung pauses, his eyes fixed on the sight, hands gripping your hips tighter as he breathes out, “fuck…” your face heats up, self-consciousness taking over when it finally sets in that you’re completely exposed in front of him. your legs attempt to close, a whine leaving your lips- but heeseung’s faster. his hands grip your thighs, keeping you held open as a smile forms on his lips. “don’t get all shy on me now, baby,” his voice is quiet, his eyes flickering up to yours as you avert your gaze. your hips shift, another soft, embarrassed noise leaving you, but he simply laughs under his breath. “you were just moaning for me a few minutes ago.” “heeseung,” you mumble, dragging out his name as you continue to move beneath him, trying to pull your thighs out of his grasp. your hands attempt to bat his away halfheartedly, but you’re too exhausted to actually push him, watching the way he pulls his bottom lip in between his teeth with a smile while watching your struggle. he leans down, pressing a soft kiss to your stomach that has your breath catching, your hands halting their movements. “you were so good for me. look at you,” he mumbles, his eyes dragging over your body slowly, “all fucked out and pretty.” you let out a noise of protest, slapping at his shoulder before your hands come up to cover your face, groaning against your hands. “okay,” he laughs, finally letting go of your legs. “i’ll stop. don’t want you crying again.” you huff, turning your head to hide your face in the pillow, but a smile tugs at your lips. “you’re the worst.” he only laughs again, slipping off the bed, and you hear his footsteps moving away from the bed. “mhm. didn’t hear you complaining earlier.” you let out a dramatic groan, completely turning your body away from him, choosing not to answer this time.

when he finally returns, he sits down on the bed, one hand gently pulling your leg up, exposing you to him again. “heeseung,” you whine, lifting your head to look at him. his eyes flicker up to yours, before looking down again, the wet rag making contact with your legs and making you gasp, everything still so sensitive. “relax,” he whispers, his touch gentle, moving ever so carefully over the parts that make you flinch, your legs shifting with every pass. you nod into the pillow, finally letting your body relax again as your eyes flutter shut, exhaustion slowly taking over your body. “there we go,” he murmurs, tossing the rag aside and settling in bed besides you, pulling the covers over the both of you. his arm wraps around your waist, pulling you closer to him, your body instantly relaxing into his. his fingers rake through your hair, slow and comforting, making you let out a soft sigh, curling further into him. “you good?” he whispers again, like he always have to make sure you’re alright. “yeah,” you you yawn, shifting and closing your eyes. “tired.” you hear a soft, breathy laugh leaving his lips, before he presses a kiss to the top of your head, his fingers resuming their movements in your hair. “go to sleep, y/n.” you nod, letting the beating of heeseung’s heart in your ear guide you into a slumber as sleep lulls you away.

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───

“one iced coffee, please,” you smile, holding out a ten-dollar bill to the cashier in front of you. she gives you a look, but smiles back, taking the cash anyway. “no hot chocolate today?” you wave your hand dismissively, biting back a giddy smile. “oh, it’s not for me.” she raises an eyebrow but doesn’t push, simply nodding and punching in your order. “alright, then. we’ll have that out soon.” you rock back and forth on your feet, wonyoung and yunjin waiting at a table behind you. once your order is out, you’re walking back to the girls with a bit more pep in your step, holding the cup up to signal you’re ready to leave. you begin to walk out the door, a giddy smile on your lips as you look down at the coffee, before back up- completely oblivious to the look wonyoung and yunjin share. “so, why’d you get an iced coffee?” yunjin asks, tilting her head as she looks at the drink in your hand. “oh, just for someone,” you smile, shrugging lightly as you continue to walk. “you look too happy,” wonyoung teases you, poking your cheek as she watches the smile on your face grow larger, “what happened?” “nothing, guys!” you laugh, pushing wonyoung’s hand away. you continue to walk, making a beeline for the gym. you don’t miss the confused looks they send you as you speed up slightly. “okay, seriously, where are we going?” wonyoung asks, speeding up slightly as she picks up on the direction you’re headed. “the gym? the basketball team is in there right now,” yunjin adds, scrunching her eyebrows. “y/n. y/n? that means heeseung is in there! hello?” you don’t even hesitate when you open the gym doors, the two girls trailing behind you, clearly confused. “y/n. why are we in here?” wonyoung hisses, grabbing your arm as the sound of squeaking shoes and a basketball hitting the floor fills the air.

and then, all the noises slow. the guys spare a glance at you, before doing a double take once they recognize you. because heeseung has talked about you. and they’ve seen you with him. but the moment heeseung sees you, his focused expression shifts. his sharp gaze softens, a smile forming on his face as his feet slow to a stop. he starts moving, jogging over slowly. his shirt is slightly damp, his breathing slightly heavy. “hi, pretty girl,” he smiles, his gaze warmer. wonyoung’s grip on your arm loosens, and you can see her jaw drop from the corner of your eye. “hi,” you reply, holding out the coffee, “i brought you coffee.” he grins, taking the cup and tilting his head. “really? i thought you hated iced coffee.” you bite back a laugh, shaking your head lightly before shrugging. “you don’t.” you watch as his smile shifts into something else. something in his eyes that you can’t process, but he’s looking at you like you placed the stars in the sky. it makes your stomach flip, a blush forming on your cheeks. his hand slips around your waist, tugging you closer as he presses a soft, lingering kiss to your lips. your hand instinctively grabs onto his jersey, tugging him slightly closer, your lips forming into a smile against his. “hello?” you hear yunjin ask, a few guys behind you laughing. “what?” you ask, pulling back from heeseung’s lips, tilting your head with a small smile. “am i not allowed to come say hi to my boyfriend?” silence. until wonyoung squeals, practically yanking yunjin towards her. “i called it!” even heeseung himself seems a bit thrown off guard, his eyes widening a bit before he pulls himself together, a smug grin pulling at the corner of his lips. “oh?” he murmurs, leaning in just enough for you to hear. “say that again?” “damn, y/n,” jake laughs, stepping up besides the two of you and clapping heeseung on the back. “you managed to lock the playboy down.” “so,” jake continues, nodding at the drink in your hand with a shit-eating grin, “care to bring me one of those next time?” you don’t even get to open your mouth before heeseung is speaking. “no.” jake blinks. “i was talking to-“ “still no.” he throws his hands up, turning on his heel and walking away, grumbling out, “forget i asked.” you roll your eyes, suppressing a smile as you look back at heeseung, who simply shrugs at you. he’s insufferable. and he’s yours. 

AFTER FIGHTING FOR THREE DAYS... I GOT IT TO WORK. sorry about the weird formatting at some points, it's the only way i was able to fit this whole fic into one post ^^! also,, did not realize how much i wrote "and then" until i was editing this god damn girl stop sing those words for one second... hope you guys enjoyed !!!!

taglist: @bussolares @w3willris3 @nithxhoon @elairah @fancypeacepersona @talesofthegreatest @jaehoonii @onlyticket-home @cutehoons02 @isagistar @immelissaaa @seongiewon @llearlert @rosepetals09 @cloud-lyy @enhaheart8 @millisvlog @rayofsunshineeee @littlesweettea-aine @evorlaah @kittycatwonie @somuchdard @miraeluv @heewenos @katarinamae @h4niyahcar @aejakeslvr @girlwholovekpop @dearestdreamies

^i tried to tag everyone, but some ppl weren’t coming up so if urs doesn’t work i’m sorry abt that😭

border creds: @uzmacchiato

[thewriteadviceforwriters]

🕳️ What to Write When You Have No Idea What Happens Next

aka: you’re staring into the creative abyss and the abyss is not only staring back, it’s asking for a rough draft

hi writer. welcome to that fun little liminal space in your project where ✨absolutely nothing✨ makes sense. you wrote the last scene. you know you’re not at the end. but suddenly your characters are just standing there like NPCs waiting for a quest marker and your brain is doing the spinning beachball of death.

so. what now?

let’s break down some actually useful strategies for when you hit That Point™️. not vibes. not ✨manifest your way out✨ energy. not the “just keep writing” slog. here’s what to do when your story is refusing to tell you what happens next:

———————————————

zoom out: do a “scene audit” ———————————————

you don’t need a full outline to do this. take five minutes and sketch a bullet list of every scene that’s happened so far. not just what happened, but why it mattered.

like this:

MC lied to their boss (sets up stakes re: trust/power)

antagonist shows up at cafe (establishes tension + location crossover)

best friend gets suspicious (emotional complication, adds pressure)

this gives you a birds-eye view of what you’ve set in motion. often you’re stuck because you’ve lost sight of the threads you were pulling, your own story has momentum, you just need to feel it again.

—————————————————————

try “ghost drafting” (aka fake writing) —————————————————————

open a doc. start typing what would happen, if you were writing. super casual. something like:

“okay i think the next scene is maybe them at the train station?? or wait--maybe we need to see the fallout of the argument. i don’t really know what x character wants rn but i think y might be planning something…”

this trick works bc it removes pressure. no fancy prose, no perfect structure. it’s literally you telling yourself what might happen. and weirdly? your brain will often finish the scene for you without asking. (the number of times I’ve ghost drafted myself into 800 usable words… witchcraft.)

——————————————————————————

pin your characters to a corkboard and interrogate them ——————————————————————————

not literally. (unless you're into that. i don’t judge.)

but seriously: when you’re stuck, it’s often because your character has no immediate goal or emotion. pause and ask:

what does this character want right now? like, in this moment?

what are they trying to avoid?

what’s keeping them from getting either?

character-driven scenes are rarely static. even if it’s just an awkward dinner or walking to the store, someone’s always trying to do or hide something. if everyone in the scene is just reacting or waiting, you’ve got fog. bring in the fire.

—————————————————

don’t skip the “boring” stuff--weaponize it —————————————————

sometimes we’re stuck because we think the next scene is dull. like “ugh i guess they just… travel to the manor” or “they regroup at the safe house.” but these slow beats are GOLD if you embed purpose.

try giving the “boring” scene:

a time limit or interruption (they’re hiding but someone knocks)

a secret (someone is lying about something small but important)

a reversal (what they expected is the opposite of what happens)

even if it’s a quiet scene, layer it. conflict isn’t just yelling or action. it’s discomfort. it’s misalignment. tension between what’s said and unsaid.

—————————————————————

when all else fails: write the next emotional beat —————————————————————

strip it back. forget plot. forget pacing. ask yourself:

then write that. a monologue. a journal entry. an outburst. a line of whispered dialogue.

sometimes it’s not that you don’t know what happens next. it’s that your character hasn’t processed what just happened, and until they do, the story can’t move forward.

✨✨✨

the void is normal. getting stuck doesn’t mean you failed or picked the wrong idea or that the muse packed up and left for a better writer’s house. it just means your brain needs space to regroup.

writing isn’t linear. stories aren’t built in perfect lines. they loop. they stall. they circle back. and that’s okay.

if you’re in the middle of nowhere, here’s your sign to sit on the side of the metaphorical road, open your weird little notebook, and write anyway. write wrong. write messy. write ghost drafts. the path shows up when you start walking.

🕳️ you got this, writer.

tag me if you end up crawling out of your stuck scene with a little victory paragraph. i’ll bring snacks for the next one 🧃✨

P.S. I made a free mini eBook about the 5 biggest mistakes writers make in the first 10 pages 👀 you can grab it here for FREE:

[hyperdeath-kisses]

I remember having severe mid-stomach pains that were specifically on my right side for awhile. They flared up here and there but they were unpredictable.

I went to the doctors and they did a couple tests and they went “I have no fucking idea what this is.” I was like “wtf do I do” they were like “drink this”. It was belladonna phenobarbital. (Great hangman word.) It was meant to shut down part of my brain that triggered pain in that area. I was like “what if it gets worse”, they were like “we’ll cross that bridge when we get there good luck”

I had this damn thing for years. One day I was in college working a late night in the computer lab. I had a bag of salt and vinegar chips as I typically did. I went to use the bathroom. I came out of the stall and I immediately hunched over in pain. Like a good seven out of 10 pain. I was in tears just curled up on the floor. It was the dead of night and there were only 1-2 girls working with me. 😅 So I laid on the floor for a while. Finally, one of my friends heard me through the door and burst into the room. He took me to the ER that night.

After waiting in the waiting room for over four hours, and finally getting my own cot, the doctor did a whole bunch of scans and found again nothing. They had no medicine to treat me, but the IV that they put in my arm made me feel better.

Several years had passed and I was at my job and I punched in. I noticed I had a stomach ache. I shrugged it off no big deal. Around 2 o’clock in the afternoon the stomachache got progressively worse and that pain in my side returned. I thought I was being a wimp, but I decided to go home early that night. The pain started progressively getting worse. I tried weighing in bed. I tried ibuprofen. I tried taking a shower, a hot shower, a cold shower, nothing. I started getting really panicky. I went to the ER.

As I got into the ER, the doctor was asking me several questions and they made me do a urine test. The doctor was asking if I was sexually active I said yes, but I was with a girl. The doctor looked at me strangely. Admittedly, I thought he was just being homophobic. (I was in Florida at the time) He told me that that was incredibly strange because my urine test came back that I was pregnant. I was INSANELY CONCERNED because the last guy I was active with was over 2-3 years ago, right before I met my ex-girlfriend. They did a whole bunch of x-rays and then they finally did a CAT scan.

Turns out I had a big kidney stone that lasted for years and could not be pushed out. That was the source of my pain. I had this thing potentially for five years, and a fucking CAT scan was the thing that detected it. They sound blasted the kidney stone a day later.

Let me tell you something. People say that when you have a kidney stone, before you get a procedure, it is the most painful thing in the world. It is not before. It is after.

I woke up from the procedure in an empty room with just my bed and the other cots blocked off. The lights were incredibly bright and no one else was in there. The first couple seconds was me slowly, waking up to wherever the fuck I was. The next couple seconds slowly build up to the most excruciating pain I’ve ever felt in my entire life. And being alone in this room and having this excruciating pain, I seriously thought I was dying. I’m not exaggerating. The pain was so absolutely devastating that I started to fucking crying out like a baby. It felt like someone took a chainsaw from my crotch ALL THE WAY UP MY ENTIRE BODY. Thankfully, after hearing my sounds, the nurse scrambled in to give me a higher dose of my IV.

Slightly TMI but peeing for the rest of that week was like waiting to be tortured. Whenever I had the urge to go use the bathroom, I was already wincing at the potential devastating pain that I was going to feel.

So for the future, please hydrate, please drink lots of water. Don’t be like me.

chronic pain diagnoses are all like yeah we don't know what this is or why it happens. we also don't know how to treat it. good luck out there soldier

[p1astr81]

Hiii!! 🫶

Can I request for a Lando x rival!reader? Like she's a driver from another team and they hate each other very much— always fighting on and off track, 🖕 every time one surpasses the other, cursing a lot. But, when she's really on a mood, and actually not caring for Lando teases, he gets worried and finally show some cute feelings!

Sorry if you don't like it and you can change anything you like :))

I twisted this a little without actually meaning to. Sorry!!!

You hopped out the car furious. Lando had just crashed the both of you out. “You have to leave space on the outside, Norris! That’s how it fucking works!”

“Maybe you should know when to back off.” He shot back

“And give you a free win? I don’t think so.”

He scoffed a laugh. “Like you would’ve won that anyway.”

“I might have if you knew how to fucking race! What? Did someone’s daddy not teach him how to go wheel to wheel?”

“Yeah, yours.”

The trackside marshalls were dragging you both away now. “Fuck you, Norris,” you flipped him off.

He returns the gesture. “Oh I bet you’d like that,”

“You’re disgusting.” You spat.

He’d impeded you in quali.

You caught him in the media pen. “Seriously, your agenda against me is really getting old.” You kept your voice low, aware of the many microphones around you.

“That’s just racing.” He shrugged.

“No. It’s called playing dirty.” Your press officer grabbed your arm. Her efforts to pull you away were in vain.

“It was an honest mistake. Don’t let it keep you up at night.”

You raised both of your hands, one used as a shield from the cameras. The other was used to flip him off.

He laughed. “Real mature of you.”

“Oh, you’re the last person to be talking about maturity.”

“Y/n, enough.” Your press officer tugged your arm again. You complied this time, leaving Lando with a roll of your eyes.

The next day, after the race—which you’d won—he saw you again. Walking the paddock. He hadn’t thought you saw him standing outside the McLaren hospitality. But you raised your hand, and gifted him yet another bird without even looking at him.

“That’s my seat.” You pointed out.

You were one of the last to arrive to the driver’s dinner. When you did get there, Lando was sitting in your seat.

He raised a brow. “I didn’t see your name on it.”

“I always sit next to Max. He’s my teammate.”

“And he’s my friend.” He tilted his head.

“Ha!” One short burst of a laugh. “I didn’t know you had any of those.” Then you turned to Max, who was watching the interaction with an amused expression. “Is he paying you for this?”

Max laughed.

“I do have friends. But I guess you don’t since you seem to need to sit by Max so badly.”

Damn. He got you there. You bit your cheek and turned on your heel. You ended up sat between Alex and Ollie.

You ate something foul. That was the only explanation for the ache in your stomach.

You were missing much of the FIA ceremony, hunched in a secluded hallway right by the bathrooms. Footsteps clicked along the tile nearing closer to you with every step. You straightened, acting as fine as possible. Still, a hand clutched your stomach.

“Skipping the ceremony? I didn’t think you could have good ideas. Guess I was wrong.”

Oh fuck. Not him. Anyone but him.

You ignored him, eyes to the wall in front of you, measuring your breathing. In through the nose, out through the mouth.

Lando got closer, his brows furrowing. “Y/l/n? You don’t look too hot.”

Your face scrunched in pain at the feeling like someone was stabbing you in the stomach. “Thanks.” You muttered.

“No seriously, are you okay?” He was right in front of you now, obstructing all your vision.

“Just go away.” You groaned.

“I’m definitely not doing that. Not when you look like you’re dying.” His eyes were bulging out of his head. “Should I go get someone? I’m sure they have some sort of medic here.”

You groaned again, a new wave of pain shooting up your spine. You sunk to the floor, Lando dropped to his knees with you. A cold sweat started to collect along your hairline.

“Okay, I’m going to get someone.” He stood.

You caught his hand before he could go anywhere. He froze, eyes darting from your hand in his to your fiery glare. “Don’t.” Was all you said in a shaky exhale. Eyes squeezed shut, your head hit the wall.

“Will you tell me what happened then?” The urgency hasn’t left his voice since he arrived at the scene.

In through your nose. Out through your mouth. “Food poisoning.” Your voice was hardly a whisper.

“This bad?”

Your nod was small, but it delivered your point. “Just please go.”

Despite your eyes being closed, he looked at you like you were crazy. “And leave you here? Alone?”

“I’ll be fine.” You huffed.

“Jesus, I’m not leaving you by yourself. Not when you’re like this.” He stubbornly repeated.

You realized then that your hand was still in his. You quickly dropped it. “Norris please.”

His brain fought between being stubborn and staying, and listening to your wishes and leaving. So he compromised. “I’ll go get Max.” He sighed.

The next morning

breakfast was awkward.

“…so, yeah. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean anything.”

You’d tuned out Lando’s rambling a while ago. He’d been going for ten minutes.

“Okay. Thanks.” You shrugged, taking a small bite of a banana muffin.

Lando looks dumbfounded. “That’s it? I just apologized for a year’s worth of arguments and you say ‘thanks’?”

You just nodded.

“No, ‘I’m sorry, too’?”

You blinked, then, “I’m sorry, too.”

His jaw fell. Unreal. This is unreal.

You put your muffin down slowly, and dust your hands off. “I’m getting over the worst case of food poisoning this world has ever seen. Talk to me when the mere smell of food doesn’t make me gag.”

There’s so much attitude in your words, and instead of Lando getting into another spat with you, he smiles. “I was really hoping that apology wouldn’t change how you talk to me. Good to see it hasn’t.”

You raised a brow. “What? You got a think for it or something.”

It was meant to be teasing. But Lando said nothing, just a shrug of one of his shoulders.

You leaned back in your seat, crossing your arms over your chest. “Interesting.”

[wosospacegirl]

Williamson vs Williamson - Leah Williamson

Warnings: (+18) smut, fingering (r receiving)

Word count: 1.4k

a/n: this was a request (well, two requests, two anon asked for the same thing)! <3

..

You loved Leah with your whole heart. You really did. 

It had never been a doubt in your life. The warm feeling began growing in your chest when you first met her at a Pepsi campaign shoot a year ago.

She was cocky, you were cockier. She liked that. She said she enjoyed being challenged, liked to be pushed and pulled, and liked how you were the one person she allowed to do that to her. 

That dynamic ruled your relationship, which started as a friends-with-benefits arrangement. It worked because you didn't play for the same country or the same club, so having a low-maintenance relationship was functional.

It served its purpose. 

It gave both of you someone to call whenever you were in the same city.

But then it became something more. You found yourself sending her pictures of your cat, then you began taking pictures of books you were reading, telling her how much a particular sentence reminded you of her.

You were drunk when you confessed your feelings, but it was okay because Leah was drunker. You had sex, but neither of you could remember it. The only thing both of you could remember was the aching headache you woke up with the next day, and how, since then, you both just...became a thing.

There wasn't any big declaration, you were just dating. It grew naturally.

Same thing with how Leah proposed two years later. You were on one of your rare breaks together. It was a sunny day on a beach in Greece, and Leah casually asked if you'd like to be called Williamson. 

You said yes. A week later, you signed the papers.

It was easy. it always was when it came to Leah. She wasn't dramatic; she was honest, straightforward. You were, too. That's why you guys matched.

Your relationship was intense yet steady. No unnecessary drama, no pointless arguments.

But oh, it was so much different when it came to how you two were on the pitch.

You were both captains-Leah for the Lionesses, you for your country.

When the game started, you shook hands, shared a smile, and then turned your backs to each other. Williamson and Williamson.

The media loved how it absolutely didn't seem like you two even knew each other when you were on the pitch. Both of you were absolutely ruthless, only one goal in mind: score goals and keep clean sheets.

The green of the pitch didn't match the red of love. 

They were supposed to be separate things. They shouldn't mix with each other.

..

It was a heated game. 

You were losing. 

Ninety minutes were up, and the referee added three minutes of stoppage time. 

You weren't very nice when you were playing, and you were worse when you were losing.

You were running, ball at your feet, only two or three players in your way to the goal. You were ready to take a long shot when Leah rushed past you, ready to put herself in your path.

You ran faster, ball on your left foot as your right one slipped past her calf. She fell. You didn't mean to, but her body was in the way, so you stumbled awkwardly, almost hitting her knee.

The knee. The one she tore her ACL on years ago.

You obviously didn't mean it. You would never purposely hurt anyone badly, let alone Leah, but it happened. You almost stepped on it.

The referee blew the whistle, and you took a step back, ready to help Leah to her feet again. But then Leah got up, her brows furrowed, the veins on her neck showing.

"What the fuck, Y/N?" she said, getting closer. She looked mad–very mad–which made you angry as well. 

Did she think you seriously did that on purpose?

"Oh, it seems like we have a Williamson vs Williamson situation right now," came the commentator's voice over the stadium speakers.

"Oh come on, I clearly didn't mean it," you said, rolling your eyes.

"Yes, you fucking did," she said, pointing a finger at you. Her chest was puffed out as if she were trying to make herself look taller.

 It worked.

"Don't be such a baby. It's a fucking game, it happens," you said.

"Fuck you–”

Greenwood showed up, you didn't see her coming. She was holding Leah's face and telling her to back off. You kept your ground, looking Leah straight in the eyes. Fuck her if she thought you would seriously do that on purpose.

"Fuck you," you echoed back to her. Then you turned your back on her as the referee got in the middle of it.

"Give me my fucking last name back!" she shouted, looking at the back of your jersey.

"You can keep it, idiot!" you called back over your shoulder.

..

You snapped your hair tie in half as you walked to the locker room. Your teammates were patting your back, telling you that the team would come back stronger next time, which you agreed with–you couldn't not do it. You were the captain.

You were the last one in the showers.

 You needed the hot water running down your neck, dripping down your back. It was a domestic game for you, so you didn't need to go back with the rest of the team on the bus. Instead, you could stay as long as you wanted in the locker room and just go home after.

You hated to lose. It was one of the worst feelings ever. It was friendly, but whatever, it still felt sore. You were replaying everything that went wrong in the game: every pass you did wrong, the times you were too slow.

You clenched your fists, your fingers digging into your palms. Your nails hurt your skin, they would have drawn blood if your nails were longer.

You screamed when you felt cold hands against your body, but then her shampoo scent hit your nostrils. Leah.

She kept her hands on your naked hips, pulling your body against her clothed one. "Keep it, idiot? Really?" she murmured in your ear.

You smirked, letting yourself be pulled into her. "You were the one who asked for your name back."

"Mm," she hummed, kissing your neck. "I didn't mean it, though."

"It seemed like you did," you said. "You were coming at me, your face was all red."

"You know my knee is a sensitive topic," she said, her fingers trailing down, closer and closer to where you needed them most, your cunt was wet already, ready for her.

"My wife telling me to give her name back is also a sensitive topic," you breathed as she filled you, slowly, teasingly.

"Your wife is a bit hotheaded," Leah whispered, quickening the pace of her fingers and taking your skin of your neck between her teeth.

"Guess that's a Williamson trait, then," you said, moving your hips against her fingers.

"Kind of is, yeah," she said, her breath hot against your ear. "But you know what else is a Williamson trait?"

"What?" you managed to ask, your voice catching as she found exactly the right spot. She always did, and she knew it.

"We don't stay mad at each other for long." She held your jaw so you were looking at her. "Especially not over something that happened on the pitch."

You lifted your head up, brushing your lips against her cheek. "We always fight when we play against each other…we’re idiots.

"Completely idiots," she agreed, pressing her forehead against yours. She was getting wet, the water dripping down on her as you dripped down her finger with your own wetness. "But we're married–can't forget that."

"We’re married idiots who happen to be really good at football.” You moaned as she added a third finger. This woman was gonna be the death of you. 

Her and her stupid fingers–and knee.

"Speak for yourself. I'm the one who won today," she teased, her lips found your neck again, sucking it, and leaving a mark. Leah loved to mark you up.

"Don't push it, Williamson," you warned, but you were suddenly quiet when Leah’s thumb found you clit, massaging it sweetly. “Fuck–more.”

“Yeah?” Leah said, a smirk growing on her face. “Gonna make you cum right here, make you remember why you have that name on your back, why you’re mine.”

And Leah did exactly that. In the steam and heat of the shower, you were just two people who loved each other as much as you loved winning and competing.

Well, some days more than others.

..

a/n: i hope you gus enjoyed it!! <3

let me know what u think!!!

[lost-st4rs]

Debt Collector AU >:)

Doodles based off of some scenes in the fic

Chapter 1

~2,461 words

Cuphead tosses and turns, trying so desperately to lull himself to sleep but it’s useless. With all of Porkrind’s snoring and his mind running a mile a minute, there’s no way he can get a good night’s rest. So, the teen sits up from his sleeping bag and carefully crawls out, being sure to stay quiet so as to not wake up the grumpy pig from his slumber. Cuphead grabs his shoes from the side of his sleeping bag and slips them on, then he leaves the small shop as quietly as he can.

He just needs to clear his head, he’ll be back in a bit to take a quick nap to replenish his energy.

“An’ where do you think yer’ goin’?” Cuphead stops dead in his tracks, frozen. After a second he then turns to face the pig standing at the door of his shop with his usual arms crossed and an unimpressed look on his face.

“I’m just goin’ on a walk.” Cuphead replies, but he supposes Porkrind didn’t like his tone because after he said that he got a mean glare.

“No yer’ not. Get back in ‘ere.” Cuphead looked off to the side and rolled his eyes, but the teen does as he’s told anyway and drags himself back inside the tiny shop. He’s seen Porkrind angrier than this before, and it ain’t pretty. Porkrind points at the back room as a silent demand telling Cuphead to go back to bed.

He knows that the older toon is only looking out for him since Cuphead lost everyone he loves in the span of one night, but he doesn’t have to act like his dang dad.

Cuphead takes off his shoes before tucking himself back into his sleeping bag. Great, now he’s alone with his thoughts again. But maybe he would’ve been either way, he just didn’t want Porkrind to see him when he’s most vulnerable… That’d be bad for his ego.

Porkrind walks into the back room, sitting down at his own sleeping bag. The pig lets out a grumbly sigh and Cuphead has the itching feeling that he’s about to have a serious talk with him.

“Alright, Cup. What’s the matter?”

“Nothing. I’m alright.”

“I don’t believe that. Tell me ‘r else I won’t stop buggin’ you ‘bout it.” Cuphead groans quietly and he proceeds to turn his back on the pig and pull the blanket over his head.

Porkrind sighs again and rubs the back of his neck almost sheepishly. “Okay, I get it. ‘M sorry for bein’ nosy.” Cuphead stays quiet, Porkrind continues, “But you bein’ all… sad ‘n shit is… it’s worryin’ me.” Cuphead slowly pulls the blanket down a bit, just enough so that his eyes are peeking out and he listens intently. “So what I’m tryna’ say is… ugh, I’m tryna’ comfort you dammit.” Cuphead snickers softly and comes out from under the blanket and faces the older toon.

“Yer’ really bad at this.” He jokes with a small grin. Porkrind rolls his eyes and huffs out through his nose.

“Yeah, yeah, ya’ don’t need’a rub it in.” Cuphead chuckles dryly, Porkrind manages a smile at that. “But seriously, kid. What’s got ya’ all pent up?” Cuphead sighs heavily and holds his face in his hands.

“…Everything. I just- I’m such an idiot…”

Porkrind gets up from his spot across from Cuphead and goes to sit down beside the teenager. He pats his back lightly, and a bit awkwardly, but it doesn’t go unappreciated by the red cup.

“I…” Cuphead starts to fidget with the hem of his yellow gloves, trying to find the right words. “I was bein’ dumb an’ sold off my soul at the Dev’s casino. Again. And somehow I sold off Mugsy’s soul as well. But I just wanted to help! I- I really did..! I needed the money to help Elder Kettle with his illness…” The teen tries to compose himself, already feeling himself getting worked up just talking about the mess he’d made.

Porkrind hums thoughtfully, Cuphead continues, his voice getting a bit quieter and quieter the more he confides in the pig. He tries to hide the way his eyes start to swell and the way his voice croaks ever slightly the more he talks.

“When I had to fight all of those debtors back in the isles… I- I dunno… I wasn’t the same, I guess… I started havin’ nightmares about the Devil and fight’n my friends… And now I’m- I’m going through it all over again!” Cuphead shudders, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill. You can’t cry, you can’t cry, he repeated to himself in his head.

“Sounds rough. How’ve you been handling it?” Porkrind doesn’t point out how Cuphead turned away from him to compose himself.

The red cup sniffles and wipes his nose with his sleeve. “I dunno… I’ve just kinda been- tryna’ not think ‘bout it and focus on getting contracts as fast as I can.” The pig hums again.

“Yeah, ya’ see, stop doin’ that, none of that anymore. Look, I know I’m no expert but I know enough to understand that ignorin’ serious issues like that isn’t the best way to solve ‘em.”

“Okay, wise guy. What should I do then?” Porkrind flicks Cuphead’s forehead. “AH- hey!”

“Don’t give me sass, kid.” Cuphead sticks his tongue out, blowing a raspberry. The older just rolls his eyes and lightly shoves him, to which earns a chuckle from the teen. He knows Porkrind isn’t actually mad or annoyed at him, that endeared grin on the pig’s face tells it all.

“It’s all ‘bout what works fer’ you. An’ clearly we’re two different people, so whatever I do might not work out fer’ you.” Cuphead nods, not really getting it but he’s willing to listen in order to understand the best he can. “Hmm… ‘kay, how ‘bout this? You try ta’ confront yer’ feelings and trauma, understand ‘em and accept that, yeah, it sucked, but what matters is how you’ll react to it. Will ya’ keep sulking like a baby or do something ‘bout it?”

Cuphead ponders on this, looking down at his hands. His mouth thins into a straight line and his brows furrowed as he thinks long and hard about the advice. It seems a bit impossible, Cuphead never was great at confronting his emotions, so this seemed like a rather daunting and intimidating task to overcome.

The pig pats the teen’s head, effectively breaking him out of his thoughts. “You can think ‘bout it in the morning. Go to bed, yer’ gonna need it.” Porkrind stands up, doing that old man groan that old guys always seem to do whenever they sit up and he walks over to his sleeping bag and lays down. Cuphead does the same, fluffing out his pillow before resting his head down.

It’s a lot to take in, but tomorrow is another day, so he’ll have plenty of time to think about it. Porkrind is right though, he needs to get as much rest as he can so he’ll be able to take on those debtors.

It isn’t long before Cuphead’s eyes are fluttering close and sleep pulls him in it’s comforting embrace. He feels like a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders, and he can finally be at peace, if only for a little while.

—

The Devil said Cuphead had a month to collect all of the contracts, which was awfully generous of him considering the last time Cups worked for him he’d only given him a day. Cuphead wasn’t complaining though. He’s already collected six contracts out of the twenty-eight needed, he’d lost the seventh one from that annoying demon (Bendy he said his name was?) the other day, and he plans on getting it back and figuring out WHY they are stealing the other ones and if he’s another debt collector like him. Which would be a big problem for competition.

Walking on a dirt trail beside some green pastures with trees to his right shading him from the sun, Cuphead looks over his list, his eyes quickly skimming through all the names. Already defeated that guy… those guys too… her as well… He’s got six contracts right now out of all twenty-eight so that means he just needs twenty-two more. But if you count the ones that the stupid Ink Demon already took then that would be… sixteen. Good, okay so that demon has only collected six so far, which was already pretty bad but it could be worse. Cuphead will just have to steal them back from him. He doesn’t know how strong this guy is but he’ll take him on anyway, he’s fought the literal Devil (and won, mind you), so surely some imp or whatever should be a walk in the park.

Cuphead spots a crow up ahead on the old wood fence beside the dirt trail. Its eyes follow Cuphead as he approaches. The teen then stops in front of it, eyeing it curiously while tilting his head to the side, with the crow mimicking his movements. Cuphead reaches into his sweater’s pocket, fishing out some sunflower seeds and carefully offering them to the ebony bird. The crow looks down at the seeds then at Cuphead with interest. After a moment it eats the offering from the teen’s hand.

He didn’t think it would actually eat straight from his hand, but he’s a big animal lover so he doesn’t mind at all and he lets out a small smile. Once the crow is finished eating the sunflower seeds it caws at the red cup and flies away into the forest, Cuphead watching intently as it does so.

“Didn’t really take ya’ for someone who likes crows.” Cuphead whips his body around to see the ever annoying Ink Demon behind him wearing that stupid grin on his face. Cuphead glares daggers at the other and ignites a blue flame on his fingertip, just in case the other tries anything. “Whoa, whoa, calm down, sweet cakes. I only wanna talk.” The demon puts his hands up as a sign he was friendly. For now. Cuphead gives a look to Bendy at the strangely affectionate nickname, who in turn just grins wider at the red cup’s expression.

Cuphead untenses ever slightly, furrowing his brows he studies the demon for any signs of deceit, but he can’t really tell anyways so he just opts to hear what the other has to say for now.

“What is it you wanna talk about?” Cuphead asks finally.

“I just wanted to get some things straight that’ve been buggin’ me ever since I heard about a cup stealin’ my contracts.” The demon explains and Cuphead frowns at that.

“YOUR contracts?? No, no, those are MINE. I dunno know who ya’ think you are but I need all those damn contracts ta’ get rid of my own debt.” Bendy puts a hand to his mouth, thinking silently with his tail swishing lazily behind him.

“Wait, so… the Devil sent ya’ here too?” Cuphead hesitantly nods, but then it clicks, his eyes going wide. “Well, that sure is weird. You said ya’ needed all of the contracts but ya’ see, I need all of ‘em too.” Cuphead shifts his gaze down at the rocky ground, trying to wrap his mind around this- predicament that they’re both in.

“Only one of us can get them all.” He says after a quiet moment of silence and meets the Ink Demon’s gaze.

“And so it seems. Welp, I reallyy need those contracts so I’ll give you the chance to hand them over peacefully,” Bendy grins and outstretches his hand for the papers but Cuphead glares at him, going into a defensive stance.

“Last chance, Cupsy.” Something inside Cuphead snaps upon hearing that absolutely idiotic nickname and the next thing he knows he’s rapidly firing his finger gun at the sly demon who in turn just dodges all the bullets with swift ease. Bendy is light on his feet and Cuphead just can’t seem to land a hit and it angers him to no end. Then in the blink of an eye Bendy has disappeared from sight.

“Look-“ Cuphead shrieks and shoots at the demon who appeared beside him from an ink puddle below, but the bullet goes right through Bendy and the colour from Cuphead’s face drains. The demon merely snickers and melts into a mush of ink before Cuphead’s very eyes then TWO Bendy’s appear beside Cuphead.

“You can’t shoot ink, silly!” Cuphead punches one of the clones and they too melt, little bits of the black liquid stains his glove. It’s a little inconvenience really, but it still does the job at getting him angrier by the second. “I really like you, cupface,” Cuphead growls in frustration and punches the other clone, it splatters like a tiny ink explosion, the black liquid staining his sweater. OH JUST GREAT! How’s he gonna wash that out?!

Cuphead is clearly outnumbered and at a disadvantage, who knows what other tricks this demon has up his sleeve? Heck, with an ability like that he can probably do a bunch of different terrible things! And to top it all off it seems like his powers don’t even work on the guy!

Cuphead darts his eyes around, trying to search for the real Bendy.

“We can come to a compromise, yeah? You give me the contracts and I let you go alive, how ‘bout that?” Cuphead twists around and there the demon stands with his stupid smile and his hand outstretched once more. Cuphead stares at the other teen’s hand then his face then his hand again, contemplating. No, he can’t accept a deal like that! He has his brother Mugman and Elder Kettle to save! Cuphead glares at the other and slaps his hand away.

“No.” He simply says, but it for some reason just makes the other’s grin grow wider. As if this was all just some game. “You may have your reasons for dealing with the Devil, but I also have mine.” Bendy stares for a second, quiet. Then he snickers. And all Cuphead can think is how horrible that sound is.

“Okay, then so be it. But I'll be taking this one fer’ now. Try taking it back if ya can.” Bendy waves a contract in his hand and Cuphead takes a moment to process but then it finally does and in the next moment he’s frantically searching all of his pockets. Cuphead looks up glaring at the sneaky demon and Bendy only grins a cheeky smile before disappearing into a puddle of ink. Cuphead is left there fuming with his fists clenched and his head boiling.

He really hates that demon.

—

Bendy jumps up from an inky puddle in the grassy forest ground. He dusts himself off a bit then climbs up a decently sized tree, his movements resembling that of a cat. He leans his back against the trunk and crosses his legs onto each other with his arms resting on the back of his head.

He’s having way too much fun teasing that cup, isn’t he? The way Cuphead gets easily angered is truly a funny sight to the demon, and just thinking of the other teen’s reactions at the nicknames Bendy calls him makes the Ink Demon let out a satisfied grin.

Okay, okay, that’s enough fun though. He needs to focus on business. Bendy sits up straight and takes out the yellowed papers from his suit If his math is correct, (it rarely ever is) he currently has seven contracts, meaning that Cuphead now has five. Bendy thinks back on his visit with the hot headed cup. He honestly could have taken all of the contracts easily. But he didn’t. Hm. No, no, it doesn't mean anything. He’s just been super bored lately and Cuphead just happened to be the most interesting thing to cure the demon’s boredom.

Bendy is pulled away from his thoughts when he senses something coming. It isn’t anything dangerous, no, it’s actually a friendly crow. Bendy holds out his arm and the crow lands on it and caws. Bendy giggles and pets the crow gently on its tiny head.

“Got anythin’ good fer me, buddy?” The crow caws and Bendy’s grin grows wider. “Really?” It caws again. “Alright, alright. Thanks for yer service.” The crow bows its head politely then proceeds to melt into a jumble of ink, to which Bendy absorbs through the fabric of his clothes. “Maybe fooling around for a bit wouldn’t hurt, right? I’ve got a whole dang month to get these contracts. I’ve got time.” The Ink demon says to himself then jumps off of the tree and walks off through the woods.

( A/N: I LIVE!!! Yah sorry for taking super long for ch.2 😓 the people back on ao3 yearned for more BUT I GOT BUSY AGAIN AGHH. Anyways yah, take ye scraps. This was a bit of a short chapter, my usual word count goal is like 3-4k but we ball. ‘TILL NEXT TIME FOLKS! )

[mortallyclassypizza]

You know, I really didn't get into the villain business for fame, riches, or some self-satisfied crusade like the rest of those clowns. It was always about her.

Okay so maybe I did rob that jewelry store one time. Yeah, yeah, I know, rich girl bored of always getting what she wants turns to petty crime. I'm a cliche, sue me. But that night changed my life forever. I'll never forget the moment she barged in.

(rest under read more because oops this kinda got away from me)

Her hair glistened under the moonlight, and her cheeks were flushed from running. There was a hint of uncertainty in her eyes, gone in an instant as soon as she saw me. She pointed at me, and shouted that silly slogan of hers. I had heard about her, the up and coming new hero, a fresh face starting to make waves in a city already so full of heroes. I could barely react before she was behind me, twisting my arm and restraining me. It was...exhilarating. Sounds stupid, but I had never felt so alive as the second our bodies touched. It was like being reborn in a sea of flames.

I didn't stay in prison long, of course. A few crocodile tears and apologies, as well as a sizeable donation to the warden's account, and I was out by dawn. But I had been changed forever, my heart pumping in expectation of our next encounter. It would be hard to find her, especially with no clue as to her true identity, but there was a simple solution to that issue. All I had to do was stir some trouble again.

So I snuck some explosives into the nearest bank, and soon we were face to face again. She defeated me as quickly, but it was bliss. Next was the zoo breakout, and yeah okay that one didn't work out so well but I still get what I wanted out of it. I could hardly contain my smile when she arrived at the scene, and I could tell she enjoyed our encounters even if her composure never slipped.

She began rising through the ranks, so I knew I needed to up my game. My plans became more harebraine and reckless, but I still made sure no one would get seriously hurt. That was probably why I always managed to get off with a slap on the wrist. With so many monsters around, I was just a minor nuisance.

Which I guess was my one mistake. As she made a name for herself, I was slowly getting left behind. I wasn't even her nemesis anymore, and can you believe they sent other heroes after me?! I was furious, I almost broke that guy in two. But I held back. I always did.

No more.

I can't afford to hold back. Not from any sort of conscience I may once have had, and certainly not from the way I feel about her. A hero needs a threat, a monster to emerge and bring destruction in its wake. And the strongest hero deserves the most fearsome of beasts. For the sake of my beloved, I will be the cataclysm.

I have been planning for months. Counting the days until our fateful encounter. There will be no distractions, and no way to back out. The bombs are already in place, ready to raze the city to the ground, and with it every damned hero in it. The flames that rebirthed me will craft the stage for this confrontation.

And at the end there will only be you and me. One last time, to the death. For there is no greater honor than to taste your blood. To die in each other's arms, our bodies entwined again as we expire. My last words the confession I was never able to make in life.

You've always been considered a mid-tier villain at best and not much of a threat. What they don't know is that you've never really put effort into it. Until now.

[cryinggirlnamedhelen]

—PA-PA-PAPARAZZI! —itoshi sae

synopsis ; sae always didn’t seem to care about anything aside from soccer. but just because he doesn’t care doesn’t mean he doesn’t remember.

cw ; gn!reader, swearing

now playing ; paparazzi by lady gaga

you’ve seen itoshi sae more than you see your own parents at this point. and the funniest part about it? the meetings are always purely intentional.

you work as a paparazzi. you hate your job, you really do. it feels like an invasion of privacy; in fact, fuck that, it is an invasion of privacy. that’s why you usually stick to different events or festivals to take pictures of celebrities, not when they’re taking a walk in their neighborhood just trying to live their lives.

of course, many other paparazzi weren’t very similar with your sentiments. they take pictures of celebrities everywhere, some even going as far as constantly lingering around a certain celebrities neighborhood just to catch some photos, even if it was considered taboo.

and yet…

‘the same mysterious figure appears in sae’s photo again—who are they, and should the authorities get involved?’

‘different photo, same person. is itoshi sae living out his very own tragic justin bieber and hailey baldwin situation?’

‘a stalker? a paparazzi? a crazy fan? or just pure coincidence? who is the mysterious figure constantly in itoshi sae’s photos?’

all published by popular news outlets. god, just why do they care so much? truth to be told, they were all coincidences. you were also someone who moved from japan to spain, and your college was close to sae’s apartment complex. its just that you went out a lot, and it often just so happened to be when sae went out or came back.

and whenever you saw him at a sports event or awards ceremony or afterparty, that was just because of your job. you weren’t a fucking stalker, and the accusations piled about you certainly weren’t helping your case.

walking down the streets of downtown madrid has always been a comfort for you—except when it isn’t. numerous pairs of eyes found their way towards you, you suddenly, there was a crushing pressure on your back.

“is that them?”

“the one who’s been stalking sae?”

“oh my gosh, do you think we’ll see sae here then?!”

“ew. someone call the police.”

you’re fucked. if sae were here, then it really would be just the wrong place at the wrong time. you inhaled deeply, continuing your walk of possible death.

suddenly, you felt you face smash into a hard surface. shit, you just walked into someone. “oh, im so sor—“ you looked up, but your eyes widened and your stomach filled with dread.

itoshi. fucking. sae.

why was he here?! doesn’t he have practice or something?! those thoughts ran through your head heatedly, as you looked around. “oh. my stalker.” sae said with a deadpan expression.

strangely, you felt offended. you knew that you weren’t a stalker, and yet considering your occupation as a paparazzi, it was reasonable to assume that you were one. but you weren’t, and you would never do such a thing. “im not,” you huffed. “seriously. im sorry that you got that impression, but im really not a stalker.”

he glanced at you for a good few seconds before walking away, the hushes of crowd forming around the two of you making your hands clammy. if you don’t clear this up now, you’re doomed for life. your social media will get leaked and people will start sending you death threats and then your college and address will get leaked and then—

you ran over to him. “seriously! my college is close to your place, and im a japanese student who’s only here for school! and i work as a paparazzi, and that’s why you see me at events and parties all the time. but i swear, i don’t stalk you, and i wouldn’t ever dare to!”

he glanced at you from over his shoulder and gave you an expressionless look. “did i say that i doubted you?” you froze. god, this guy was fucking rude. he pissed you off.

“uh, no, but—“

“then i don’t care.”

he walked away, and for the first time, you completely ignored the crowd around you. who did this fucking blockhead think he was? sure, he’s a professional soccer player with conventionally good looks, but other than that, what does he have? he hasn’t even graduated middle school yet. he probably can’t even solve a long division problem if he tried.

people accuse you of stalking him? you wouldn’t even want to have another conversation with this guy ever again if he’s always so unpleasant.

fuck itoshi sae.

[cannibal-alien]

🛏️ WITH SHEDLETSKY?

🎉 100+ followers event! (closed)

🛏️: only one bed

💬 — ohhh i had fun with this one gee willickers. thank you 4 requesting and i hope this feeds you well ^_^

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩

for reasons totally unbeknownst to you, the spectre thought it’d be such a wonderful idea to set your cabin on fire! or whatever it was that transformed your beloved safe haven into a great big pile of ash and debris... whatever it was, your cabin was mostly gone. well, except for that pathetic little broken wooden frame still barely standing. the mere sight of it left a heavy feeling of disappointment stuck in your chest. but you weren’t gonna start sobbing over some old cabin, right? okay, yeah, maybe you were…

seriously, where the hell were you going to sleep now? out in the cold, vulnerable open? no! no way. not when you’re going through hell every single damn day. you deserve SOME comfort at the very least! so you did the only thing you could do, which was walk yourself over to a fellow neighbor’s cabin. yeah it was a little humiliating, but hey, it does beat freezing your ass off outside… anything but that.

you didn’t really care about whose cabin door you were knocking on, feeling utterly desperate. you just needed somewhere not burnt down to crash. it took maybe a second or two, but then you heard slow footsteps faintly approaching. the door creaked open, and there he was, shedletsky.

“well hey there, stranger! you don’t look so happy,” he teased with a lopsided grin, but there was a hint of concern in his expression. you sheepishly rub the back of your neck, gesturing vaguely toward the sad lump of ash that was previously your cozy cabin.

shedletsky glances over at what used to be your cabin, the charred remains of it, and doesn’t seem all that phased. although he did grimace, feeling pretty bad for you. “yeah, i saw that whole mess go down while you were out. i already talked to builderman about it, said he could fix something up for you. no promises on luxury, but it’s still better than ash. really sorry ‘bout that, by the way.”

you respond with a slow nod, accepting his condolences. meanwhile you’re trying hard to figure out how to ask if you could crash there for the night… or a few more. also, mental note, make sure to thank builderman later! maybe give him some bloxy cola or something.

“so, i was maaaybeee thinking i could crash here for tonight? only if that’s cool with you, y’know, i just kindaaa don’t wanna-” you gesture behind you, likely towards hypothermia.

shedletsky chuckled, moving aside as he swung the door open wider. “yeah, that’s fine, no big deal. unless you snore, then we’ll have problems,” he joked, trying to lift the mood a little. and it worked, you managed to crack a small smile despite everything.

you weren’t really expecting much. the spectre did build identical cabins for everyone, but then it hit you, those things were just so tiny! no couch, no spare anything, and just a singular bed with one pillow. a slightly wider than twin bed. hardly enough room to keep your dignity. shedletsky looked at you, then at the messy bed, then back to you again, humming in thought.

“this is gonna be a thing, isn’t it?” he sighs, and you felt heat pooling in your cheeks.

“well… that’s fine, i can just sleep on the floor,” you said, grateful he even let you inside, and you didn’t want to make things awkward.

but the second those words left your mouth, shedletsky shook his head, dismissively waving his hands. “no no no, you take the bed. pretty sure you need it way more than i do, anyway.”

you let out a stubborn little huff and crossed your arms. “i’m just glad you even let me in to begin with! please sleep in your own bed, shed. i’ll be fine.”

your stubborn refusal put him in a tough spot, and shedletsky wasn’t about to just hog the bed. felt too wrong. so he came up with the next best plan.

“okay then, hear me out. what if we both sleep in the bed? problem solved, right?” he plopped down on the bed and gave the other side a little pat, motioning for you to join, and you did.

“that’s… uh, fine. i can do that,” you muttered, slipping under the blanket while staring at shedletsky, cheeks a light shade of pink, brain very confused. you weren’t entirely sure what was going on.

“you sure?” he asked, one brow raised as he mimicked your movement, now under the covers with you.

“yeah, don’t worry,” you nodded, laying your head on the edge of the pillow, barely having any. honestly, it’s because you were a little nervous. shedletsky chuckled, scooting closer and shamelessly hogging most of the pillow, teasing you for being so skittish. you could almost feel his back pressed up against your own. god he was warm, almost like a human space heater.

“what are you doing?” you ask with playful suspicion as you kept your attention on the opposite wall, fighting back a smirk.

“just getting comfy in my bed. since it is technically mine, sooo…” shedletsky chuckled, a genuine smile curving at his lips. not that you’d be able to see it, still facing the other way. he liked the way you always giggled at his dumb comments. they never missed with you. suddenly, you scooted back on purpose, stealing half the pillow like it was yours. shedletsky let out a grunt, clearly not expecting the force.

“hey, ow, that actually hurt a little! you could’ve just asked, you know,” he feigned distress, shifting some to get more comfortable, but not backing off in the slightest.

it wasn’t like you budged either. finally feeling warm and safe, exhaustion was settling in quick. “yeah, well…” you started to say, but before you could finish, something interrupted you.

a loud “SNOOOOOOOORE” suddenly echoed through the cabin, and you instantly let out a defeated sigh. it’s gonna be a long night.

[peacheeeliz]

024. still not forgiven (wc: 791)

“Dude, come on, it's not that hard to just send me a list of snacks,” you groan as you walk into the convenience store late at night, the bell ringing above your head. Grabbing onto a basket, you make your way towards the alcohol and look out for the flavors you and your friends loved the most.

“Well, it's not my fault the boys pre-gamed a housewarming party,” Karina says over the phone, rolling her eyes even though you can't see her. “I mean, seriously, a housewarming party? We're friends with a bunch of alcoholics.”

You let out a quiet laugh, shaking your head as you browse the different soju brands. “Just get the drunk idiots to shout out different snacks, I'm sure you'll get something.”

Within a matter of moments, you can hear barely audible grumbles from the boys as they recite the snacks they're craving. Karina speaks through the phone again, “explain to me why we're buying snacks for them if it's our housewarming party?”

“We're not,” you start, satisfied with your beverage choices and moving onto food. “I'm using Hyunjin's card.”

Karina laughs loudly, “As you should, girl.” She takes a while to calm down, shushing the boys who can only question her fit of laughter. “Well, hurry up, because I don't want to babysit these children any longer.”

“What's about Ryu?”

“She's basically one drink away from joining them, so she's no help,” Karina sighs, and right on cue, you can hear Ryujin hyping up the boys in the background. “Jesus Christ, I'll see you soon. Ryujin, get off the table!”

You chuckle as the line goes dead, and you slide your phone into the back pocket of your jeans. Once you grab an adequate amount of snacks and other food, you hum and make your way towards the counter. The rest of the convenience store is quiet, besides the quiet indie music that plays through a speaker behind the counter. There's no other customers than you, leaving you alone with the worker you've yet to see.

When you're too busy placing your items on the counter, you still don't see the worker until they speak up. “Y/N?”

The voice startles you, eyes wavering to find the source of it. “Oh, uh, Wooyoung,” the words leave your mouth breathlessly. “I… Didn't know you worked here.”

“I needed the money after, you know, leaving the band,” he answers quietly, beginning to slowly check your items. When you don't know how to reply, it goes silent between the two of you. “I saw you two moved out.”

You nod slowly, “Yeah, we found a new apartment nearby.”

His eyes find yours, but you're quick to look away. He takes a deep breath, not knowing why he expected anything else. “I guess we'll be seeing a lot of each other, then.”

“Yeah, I guess,” you say sullenly, sending a fake smile his way. You continue jokingly, “Let's not make it a habit, though, huh?”

He stares at you for a moment before laughing, “Yeah, I think I can make that happen.” He catches that sweet smile of yours before you can stop yourself, and he thinks for a second before speaking again. “I'm, uh… I'm sorry about what I said back then. That was really uncalled for on my part.”

He watches as your smile drops, “But, I guess we can save the apologies for next time.” He finishes bagging up your items, sliding them across the counter. “Don't want to spoil your mood before you go back to,” he pauses, looking down at the soju and snacks he bagged. “Whatever it is you're celebrating.”

“Don't worry about it,” you tell him, grabbing hold of the bag's handles. “Just know that it's going to take a lot more than just a few worries to make it up to me. You did call me a bitch, remember?”

He mentally face palms, the memory flashing through his mind like it has the past six months. “Please don't remind me.”

“Oh, I'm gonna remind you everything I come in,” you comment, a smile playing at your lips again. You're about to walk away, but you stop in your tracks. “Wait, shit, I didn't pay.”

“Don't worry about it, it's on me,” he responds, smiling back.

You eye him for a moment, “Nope, still not forgiven.” You tell him before turning to leave. You can hear the impact of his head hitting the counter, and you struggle to hold back a laugh. Once you reach the door, you turn back to him. “See you later, Wooyoung.”

He looks back up from the counter, watching you walk out the door. He lets out a sigh, and his head falls back down onto the counter.

synopsis ⤏ when wooyoung, mr. "scared of commitment," finds himself catching feelings for you, his supposed friend with benefits, he struggles between keeping things casual or possibly ruining your friendship.

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[joyswonderland1108]

OT7 But I Will Start Swinging. Try Me.

Before I start, when I say 'y’all,' don’t take it personally — I’m just putting the message out there for whoever the shoe fits.

Just a gentle reminder before I throw this table: Hi, hello, I’m Joy, full-time OT7, but Jimin and Jungkook are the ones who make my neurons misfire aka my biases. HOWEVER — and I need y’all to pay attention here — if I need to speak up for every single member, I WILL, because I’m not half an OT7 like some are pretending to be.

Let’s get this straight. I will never forget nor forgive how this fandom treats my biases. Jungkook is not your delulu Y/N fanfic doll, and Jimin is NOT the group’s emotional support background dancer. But when it came to SUPPORTING them? When it was time to actually show the fuck up? Crickets. Literal dust. Tumbleweeds. “Are You Sure?” — a project that JIKOOK THEMSELVES spelled out was important — got ignored like it was a demo from 2015. FINE. Okay. Let’s pretend that’s normal behavior. Suddenly everyone's phone screen cracked and their Wi-Fi stopped working. Some just sat there like “🤷‍♀️✨stream who?” anyways. Jikook literally spoon-fed you how important that show was for them, but nooo, let’s act blind instead.

But then explain this to me — and no hate to the girlies involved — why the actual hell is the voting gap between Jimin x Jennie and Jungkook x IU CLOSE TO ZERO? Huh? At what point did we decide that giving other fandoms the upper hand was part of the plan? I remember the fandom having a full-on civil war when two members were put in the same poll, but now it’s suddenly too much to outvote other idols? Are we tired? Are our thumbs broken? WHERE IS THE ENERGY?

Moving on.

Before I go deeper into this mess, congrats to Namjoon for his win at the AMAs — love that for him, seriously. But I have to ask: have some of y’all completely lost your goddamn minds? Jimin is one of my biases and yes, I was sad he didn’t win. But that didn’t stop me from being genuinely happy for Namjoon — HE DESERVES IT TOO.

But noooo, some people had to start acting like absolute clowns on the TL acting like this was the Hunger Games. I am sick to death of seeing y’all try to “support” Jimin by invalidating Namjoon. I sat there thinking, “Wow, Namjoon really lurks online. He’s gonna see this shit.” And guess what? HE PROBABLY DID. Imagine being proud of a win, opening Twitter, and seeing “Congrats… but it was only out of pity” or “fanbases paid people to vote for you.” Imagine being happy about a huge solo achievement just to go online and find your “fans” saying it was all pity votes and bribery. Like EXCUSE ME?? We KNOW how voting works. We know the fandom plays dirty sometimes. BUT WHY THE FUCK are you putting that drama on the timeline where the BOYS can see it? Why do you want them to feel BAD for succeeding? What kind of mental gymnastics is this?

And THEN — lord give me strength — I saw that TikTok.

A comment was made that Jimin received a lot of hate during the AMAs voting period, and this girl decided her grand response was, “Jimin is happy for Namjoon.” …HUH??? That wasn’t the damn question, sweetie! That’s not an answer! You’re glazing over actual hate with a bootlicker Hallmark card like that does ANYTHING.

Let me make it clear: We all KNOW the members love each other. That’s not the debate. You don’t get a gold star for reminding us that the sky is blue. If the roles were reversed and someone said Namjoon got hate, I wouldn’t reply with “Joon is happy for Jimin <3” because IT’S NOT THE POINT. The point is the hate. Not your weak attempt at a kumbaya moment.

But wait! The saga continues! SAME girl made another video saying she used to think JK solos were bad, but now she believes Jimin solos are worse. 🤡 Okay. Sure. Solos are toxic. All solos can be toxic. But tell me this: who do you think is funding birthday cafés, streaming goals, mass voting, banners, ad trucks, and literal TIMES SQUARE BILLBOARDS?

Let me hit you with some bitter truth: no matter how much I personally hate the drama solos create, their work? UNDENIABLE. You wanna erase them entirely? Cool, then get ready to do 20x the effort on your own. The numbers? Solos. The insane voting sprints? Solos. That birthday project you liked on Insta? Probably a solo.

And THEN — this one got me THROWING FURNITURE — someone commented that Jimin needs to address his solos.

Oh? He does? Since when do idols sign a clause in their contract that says “must babysit toxic fans”? Is he your therapist? Your kindergarten teacher? NO MEMBER owes it to us to fix fandom discourse. What do you want him to say? “Dear solo stans, stop being toxic 😔”? Y’all are so detached from reality it hurts.

In conclusion: y’all are fake OT7s, selective supporters, and part-time clowns trying to tear down the people who are literally keeping your faves afloat. If you think shitting on solos — while doing ZERO yourself — makes you morally superior, you’re just loud and useless. Report toxicity, sure. But stop acting like every solo fan is the devil incarnate while they’re out there WORKING.

Until you’re the one personally raising 10K USD for an ad campaign, organizing café events, and hitting mass vote caps daily, do us all a favor and shut the fuck up.

Signed,

An OT7 with two fists and zero tolerance left, who will greedily accept any help to keep the boys always #1.

[bladeupnred]

Just Don't Lie to Me ~ n.s

Summary: Noah’s girlfriend gets hit on at a bar while he’s off to the bathroom. Possessive Noah feels like reminding her of her place once they get home.

Warnings: possessive-ish Noah, dom!Noah!!!, oral (m receiving), fingering (f receiving), orgasm denial, unprotected sex (p in v), creampie, mention of threesome, general rough sex (let me know if i’m forgetting anything)

Word Count: 3.6k

Author’s note: Hello, this is my first “post” on my new page! Feedback and thoughts are encouraged as I have not published anything in a very, very long time. As always, this is a fictional work about real people. This is entirely made up and for fun only!

Smut below. Minors DNI.

You were leaned over by the front door of your apartment, shuffling off your platform boots. 

“Listen, I have to say it one more time. She was flirting with you and I don’t believe for a second that you were unaware of it.” Noah said, arms crossed leaning against the kitchen island wearing a playful smirk.

“I swear, I would’ve known if she was flirting and she was definitely just being a drunk girl spewing compliments while she waiting on her drink.” 

Although, you had really hoped she was flirting. Even though you shouldn’t have.

And honestly, it definitely had felt like she was flirting, hard.

*Earlier that night*

You were at one of your usual dive bar spots, waiting on Noah to get back from the bathroom. Feeling a little awkward and self-conscious about being alone for the interim, you kept pretending to check a message on your phone and stir your watered down drink.

“You know, if I had brought you here, there’s just no way I would leave you alone.” 

You looked to your left, and whether it was the alcohol catching up or the woman beside you, your head started to feel fuzzy. She had glossy, wavy, black hair to her hips, strong brown eyes decorated in winged black liner that bored into yours, and a radiating confidence about her. She smiled at you like she wanted to devour you and for a second, you thought about letting her.

“Hah, well that’s very cute but my boyfriend will be back in a second,” you slurped the last drop of your drink, sliding it to the other side of the bar.

“Well can’t I at least keep you company in the meantime? I’m sure he wouldn’t mind a pretty girl taking care of his pretty girl while he left her alone. Plus, it looks like you need a drink.”

You hated yourself but you couldn’t help but feel flushed at this point. You’d always been attracted to everyone and were comfortable with attention from women. But this was wrong. You were ashamed that you were even entertaining her, but she was so captivating you couldn’t help but want to keep her around for as long as you could. 

As if she could sense the heat, she reached to tuck one of your ginger locks behind your ear so she could see you. It felt like you could melt at any second.

Shaking yourself out of your pathetic fantasy, you stepped away. “Listen, I really am flattered and you’re stunning and I’m sure a great person, but I really am waiting on my boyfriend to get back.”

She snickered and shrugged her shoulders. “Okay, heard loud and clear. I hope I wasn’t too pushy.” You shook your head at her as she started to turn to walk away. “But seriously, he better worship you like the goddess you are.”

You looked back down at the bar, similar to earlier but feeling antsy for an entirely different reason this time. You were feeling so many things: lust, guilt, shame. 

You sat there for another minute or two, lost in your thoughts until you jumped at that familiar hand on your back.

“What was that all about?” Noah leaned into your ear, the same ear that that mystery vixen had just touched a moment ago.

“Nothing. She was just making small talk while she waited on her drink.”

“She didn’t leave with a drink in her hand. She was flirting with you.” He smirked.

You felt like you got caught, even though you knew he was being playful. Feeling like lying to mask your shame, you spoke up. “No she was not. She walked up complimenting my back tattoo and wanted to know more about it because she’d been wanting to get hers done soon.

What a stupid, stupid lie. He’s gonna know you’re lying.

He huffed, “I’m sure she did compliment you, just looked like she was interested in more that tattoo artist recommendations.”

Oh God, how much had he seen? Of course he hadn’t been in the bathroom that entire time.

“C’mon babe you don’t have to be embarrassed to admit it if she was. I’m secure enough to know she can’t take you from me.” He put his hand under your chin and looked at you in a very possessive, but affirming way, 

“While I appreciate that, she wasn’t flirting with me, seriously. Look, can we just drop it? I’m ready for sweats and the couch.”

Noah smiled, pulling cash from his wallet, not wanting to bother waiting around for a copy of the tab, “Of course. Let’s get out of here.” He leaned over to kiss your forehead, grabbed your hand and pulled you out of the bar to wait outside for a ride-share home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Baby, I saw the way she touched your hair, like the way I would touch your hair,” He raised his eyebrows, arms still crossed but stepping out closer to you now. “It’s okay that she was, I would too if I saw you alone, but why did you lie?”

Your guilt was eating you alive at this point. You and Noah had always allowed each other openness and transparency in all aspects in your relationship, and he knew that you had a history of primarily dating women romantically and sexually before meeting him.

“I’m sorry, but I just didn’t want to say anything about it because it kind of threw me off guard I guess.” You were starting to come around to the full truth but still feeling upset, crossing your arms now looking at your tights. 

He put one hand behind your neck, urging you to look up at him, and cupped his other hand on your upper arm.

“I don’t like when you lie to me, you know that. You can tell me anything, especially where it concerns your emotions.” He began to look at you with a more stern look in his eyes.

Sighing, you felt like you had disappointed him, which is what you had wanted to avoid altogether by avoiding the conversation. You rubbed your eyes for a second, then glanced back up, “What do you mean my emotions? It was a stranger giving me empty compliments.”

Noah took his hands off you, making you internally wince. “Angel, I don’t appreciate you pretending to be innocent in this. It’s obvious that you liked it. You won’t make eye contact with me and your skin is on fire.” He looks like he’s past the point of being patient, but you just can’t bring yourself to speak up.

“Just tell me what she said that got you so damn flustered baby.”

You grew hotter. Noah could call you any pet name in the book and it would make your skin heat up. You turned around, starting to walk past the living room toward the hall.

“She said that if she was with me that I would never be alone at a bar or something.” 

You kept walking to the bedroom, suddenly needing to change into more breathable clothing. You knew he was following you closely behind.

He laughed, he actually laughed at you. “And that’s what got you so hot and bothered?”

“Well it wasn’t just that, it- it was everything. She just came up to me, came on very strong, and kind of threw me for a loop. I guess I just haven’t been approached like that in a very long time and I’m sorry I reacted like that.” You sat on the edge of the bed for a moment, half expecting Noah to turn back around and walk out. Instead, he crouched down in front of you, resting one hand on his thigh and one hand on yours.

“Hey, I don’t want you to be ashamed for feeling anything that you feel. But I do need you to be honest with me if there’s anything on your mind. I don’t mind you having a fantasy, but don’t embarrass me by trying to keep it a secret from me, yes?” You knew he was right, and you felt even sillier now for trying to lie to him about anything in the first place.

“Yes,” you nodded at him. 

“Uh uh, yes what?” He began to tower back over you, his power looming around you, making you melt.

“Yes sir. I’ll never lie to you again. I was ashamed that I was flattered and I should have just been honest about it.” Tension was really starting to build up in you. You rubbed your thighs together, dying to relieve something. He moved to put one hand on your knee and then smiled down at you.

“Good girl. Now see, was that so hard to tell me?”

You shook your head and he pouted his lips and shook his too, mocking you.

“Now I would say that you and I have a very healthy relationship, wouldn’t you? But when you violate my trust by lying to me, it puts that health in jeopardy, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Yes, I do.” You knew what was next to soon come.

“You’re so sweet, my good girl. You know what I have to do now right?” He takes both of your wrists, pulling you to stand up. Then he moves his right hand to cup your face, holding you in place.

“I have to punish you for tonight. For lying to me, for embarrassing me. You understand that, don’t you?”

“I do. I know I should be punished and I want you to punish me for what I did. I need you to take away all of the guilt and shame I have left. Please.”

You couldn’t believe you were being so vulnerable in this setting, even with Noah. You two had always had a very natural dominant/submissive relationship, first sexually and then in everyday life. But this time was weirdly more intimate, making you feel closer to him.

“Okay pup. You know what to do, take everything off.” He took his hands off of you, taking a step back and even putting his hands in his front pockets. God you loved when he wanted to take full control. He looked so sexy, jaw tensed, muscles bulged, hair rustled in his face.

You started sliding your top up over your ribs. The backless, black fitted top that had aided in your lies. You kept your eyes locked on him…God, he looked so fucking good like this. He looked back at you with blown pupils, his hands moving from his pockets to adjust his strained cock then meet at his front. There was something so carnal about that move and you couldn’t help but moan under your breath as you started to unzip and slide down your miniskirt. You knew when he finally put his hands on you he was going to destroy you, but you were becoming too impatient for touch to even care.

“Turn around.” As you turned, you felt his hand on your upper back, pushing you down onto the edge of the bed, urging you to catch yourself on your elbows. You looked back over your shoulders, his eyes burning holes through your back.

“Now turn over, let me see you.”

You complied immediately. You looked up at him doe-eyed, knees pulled up in some effort to hide from him. All of a sudden you were embarrassed, remembering you have forgotten about one little thing.

He smiled, flashing that wicked look. If he didn’t touch you soon, you were gonna fucking explode.

You were on your back, propped up on your elbows, just taking all of him in. In one swift move, his shirt was thrown over his head and onto the pile alongside your clothes. 

“Legs down. I said let me see you.”

Fuck. You slowly lowered your legs and let your feet rest on the wooden frame at the end of the bed.

“Spread them.”

Again, you obliged, instantly getting hot at the sight in front of you.

He unfolded his arms, reaching for both of your knees, looking right at your core.

“Flirting with someone at the bar, okay. That’s one thing. Not wearing any fucking panties in front of everyone and knowing how I feel about that. You’ve been a bad little pup tonight.” He starts to trail his right hand up your thigh, then his left hand. You knew the moment he got close enough he would feel how wet you were. Getting turned on because he was disappointed in you? How pathetic. 

“Promise I’ll get you more of these, yeah?” He had his hands on either side of the seam connecting the tights, hovering dangerously close to your folds. Being teased was worse punishment compared to whatever else he had planned.

“What did you just say?”

Oh fuck. Did you just say that out loud? He cocked an eyebrow at you, then suddenly ripped the tights apart. The cool air grazed your now exposed core, causing you to hiss just enough for him to hear it. 

“If teasing you is punishment, then why are you so fucking wet?” His fingers were dancing along your center now, lightly grazing your folds ever so often. “Is it because of me? Or are you thinking about her?”

What? You shook your head at him. “No don’t be ridiculous. It’s just… embarrassing sometimes.”

He tilted his head, urging you to keep talking, his fingers now daring to slide up and down your folds.

“You just- you just make me feel too good—Oh God.” You were cut off by an involuntary moan, caused by him slamming two fingers into you. As blissful as you felt, you couldn’t help but feel guilty for tonight.

“Can I?” You sat up as straight as you could manage and nodded to his belt.

“Mhm.” He smiled, smiled, down at you. “Thank you for asking, good girl.” You were so close to the edge, and just like that, he pulled his fingers out, bringing them up close to his mouth. Even though a part of you knew you had that coming, your jaw still dropped completely open.

“Don’t look at me like that, you know you aren’t getting to cum tonight. Go ahead and take it out.” He took those fingers into his mouth, moaning around them.

You got to work, unbuckling his belt, then unbuttoning his pants. You paused to look up at him, and you could have lost your mind at the sight. 

He was looking down at you, hands now behind his back, signaling he wasn’t going to help you with anything. But he also looked at you with admiration, like he was proud of you. Not breaking eye contact, you unzipped his pants, then pulled them down to above his knees. Like muscle memory, you went straight for the waistband of his boxers, pulling down with no hesitation. His cock sprung free, and you looked away only to take it in for a moment.

He was gorgeous, cock flush against his stomach, angry and red. You took full control, pushing him back far enough so that you could get off the bed and onto your knees on the floor. In the next moment you had one hand on him and your mouth on his head. You immediately started moving both together up and down on his hard length, and you could tell he was already worked up. Glancing up through your eyelashes at him, you hollowed your cheeks. knowing this would pull more moans from him. If you were being honest, you were trying to pull out all the stops early on in hopes he would fuck you. You knew you wouldn’t be able to cum but fuck did you need some relief. The way he was so domineering yet also falling apart into you was enough to make you explode at any second.

“Fuck baby, if you keep that up—fuck.” He grabs your shoulders and pulls himself out and lifts you up onto the bed.

“Stomach, now.” You took the order before he even finished speaking, smiling to yourself thinking about what would come next. As if sensing your mischief, he yanks a fistful of your back back, enough to see your face clearly. 

“I’m gonna use you and show you how much you belong to me. I’m gonna fill you up and the second that you even think about cumming, you tell me. Yes?”

“Yes.” He pulled your hair harder. “Yes sir, use me, please.”

He released your hair and brought the same hand down, hard across your left cheek, then grabbed it before placing his other hand on your right cheek. He slowly spread them apart, the cool air hitting your core once again. You felt him spit on your center—like you even needed it—but fuck did you love when he did that. You had a feeling he was gonna be sloppy and filthy and the thought alone almost brought you to your climax. In one swift motion, he spread his spit along your slit and rammed his cock in to the hilt. You moaned into the pillow beneath you, until he pulled in from underneath you, tossing it off the bed.

“Unh uh. Let me hear you.” So you did.

With every thrust you were moaning and babbling, so cock drunk you couldn’t string a full sentence together.

“Getting closer pup. Help Sir out.”

You knew the second you clenched yourself around him he would collapse. Still crying and moaning you squeezed around him, earning a hiss from his throat, making you giggle underneath him. 

He started moving faster, placing one hand on your ass and the other on the back of your head, pressing you further into the mattress. 

“Mmm. Gonna fill you up now.” You tried nodding in acknowledgment, telling him you were ready.

He started to fill you, pumping his cum deeper into you as he released. “Good girl, you take it so well for me.”

He stopped moving, staying inside of you for just a while longer. He came down to kiss the top of your head, pressing himself entirely on you.

You two laid like that for a minute until you broke the silence. “I really am sorry about earlier, you know?”

“I know. Just don’t lie to me, okay?” 

“I promise.”

“Okay, well let’s get cleaned up. I’ll run us a bath.” You groaned as he pulled out of you and got up, stopping to place a kiss on your hand before walking into the bathroom. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This had to be one of your favorite places in the world. Your back to Noah’s chest with your head in the crook of his neck. You were fading in and out of it, a combination of bliss and exhaustion. You had long since washed each other off, and now you were just enjoying each other’s warmth.

“Hey baby?” His question was soft in your ear.

“Hmm?” You may have had your eyes closed and remained curled up, but he had your full attention. 

“I did get her number for your earlier, the one who flirted with you.”

Your eyes fluttered open and you shot up, turning to face him. “You what? No you didn’t?”

He looked down, nodding. “Yeah, I did. When I saw her walk off from you I walked over to introduce myself, and one thing led to another.” 

“What? What do you mean one thing led to another? How did you even do that without me noticing?” You felt so confused, not betrayed or mad, but puzzled his by actions.

“Well it’s no secret that there was something there—I saw the conversation from basically the beginning. And we’ve discussed the possibility of you bringing someone in. Forgive me but you aren’t exactly forward, so I went over to her.” 

You felt slightly defensive, but also insanely aroused again. “What did you say to her?”

“I introduced myself and told her I saw her talking to my girlfriend, she was immediately apologetic, then I was pretty up front about thinking that you might like to see her sometime if she was into it. She did seem a little caught off guard, but gave me her number anyway and said she’d love to hear from you if you ever wanted to get to know one another.” 

You couldn’t help but feel conflicted. You had been honest in the past that you wanted to bring another woman in from time to time and Noah would do just about anything to keep you satisfied. You also felt guilty, like in some way he was orchestrating your infidelity or something.

“Hey,” he grabbed both sides of your face, forcing you to focus in on him. “I can see your brain going 100 different directions. Don’t do that. I merely didn’t want you to lose out on a possible connection with someone so I interjected. I also don’t want you thinking I’ll be upset in any way. I’m here to be whatever you need me to be. There is no pressure to reach out at all if you don’t want to. After all, you are the one with all of the power.”

You nodded into his hands, he was right. “Well…. you are right I never would have done that on my own, and I did kind of like her, so thank you. I just can’t help but feel… gross? I know we’ve talked about bringing someone else in, whether it’s for us both or just me but I just don’t know how I feel about it.”

“Like I said, no pressure.” He brings you closer in to him, giving you a light kiss on the forehead. “Just think about it before you shut it out.”

For some reason, that last push of reassurance gave you butterflies in your stomach. “Okay, I will. Thank you, I love you.”

He leaned in impossibly close, his lips ghosting over yours, “You have no idea.”

[rensficreblogs]

Anaxagoras x gn! Reader. Reader is a dromas keeper in Okhema.

A/N: ngl ive been procrastinating this one a bit but I finally finished it so yay

Working as a dromas keeper was tough but satisfying work. Day in and day out, you ran around feeding, caring for, and loving all of them under your supervision. You liked to think that the tall creatures appreciated your efforts, maybe even as much as Okhema’s citizens appreciated them and their work.

One day, as you were saddling one of your dromas’, you noticed a strange man loitering nearby. You’d never seen him before. He seemed rather suspicious, to say the least.

He didn’t seem to notice you staring when he started approaching one of the herd's younger members. Quickly, you moved to stop him, fearing the worst.

“Hold on, he won’t cause any harm,” you heard from behind you. When you turned, arms still full of gear, you were met with one of the older keepers. From what you’ve heard, he had been taking care of this herd for almost forty years now.

“But sir-“ you began, “I can’t just let some strange man handle the dromas’-“ you argued.

At this, your senior only laughed. “You don’t have to worry, us older folk know him well enough. See, they like him,” he gestured to where the stranger was being licked by the young animal, the entire side of his face and some of his pale green hair getting covered in saliva. Still, he didn’t seem particularly bothered as he kept stroking the creature's face.

“But…” you trailed off. In all honesty, you were more concerned for the dromas’ well-being than anything else, yet he seemed to know how to handle them well. Since your coworker trusted him, you’d let it slide. Just for today. 

The next time you saw the stranger with the eye patch and green hair was a little over a month later. Just like on his previous visit, he just sauntered over to one of the dromas’ and began gently petting while quietly speaking to them. This time, he had chosen one of the largest adults of the herd. 

You set down what you were working on and briskly walked over to him. “Sir, you can’t just waltz in here like that,” you started, “you could get seriously injured,” you tried to reason. Again, you cared much more for the dromas’ safety, but you knew you shouldn’t say that aloud.

“It is alright,” he sighed, “I am familiar with how to handle them.” He spoke bluntly in a cold tone.

“Just who even are you?” You asked, feeling frustration start to bubble up within you.

He turned to look you up and down, as if judging whether to answer your question or not. His single eye then locked directly onto yours as he spoke, “I am Anaxagoras, I am nearly visiting from my position at the grove,” he explained half heartedly.

“Anaxa!” Someone called out. Soon enough, your senior strode up to where you and ‘Anaxa’ stood. “How long are you visiting for this time?” He asked cheerfully- a stark contrast to the frail-looking man in front of you.

“How many times must I tell you, my name is Anaxagoras. An-ax-a-gor-as.” 

“Whatever you say Anaxa,” your coworker said, to which Anaxagoras scoffed.

“(Y/n), you might not know since you’re relatively new, but this guy here is a big shot over at the grove,” he slung a heavy arm around Anaxa’s shoulder. “One of the sages, even. He stops by whenever he’s in town- really fond of dromas’. Says they’re what makes having to visit Okhema bearable.” He explains enthusiastically.

“Yes,” Anaxa clears his throat. “They are truly wonderful creatures…”

Shortly after that encounter, he wandered off back into the city, not to be seen by you until two weeks later. This time, it seemed he had brought treats for the dromas’.

Seeing him try to lug around a large basket of fruits was rather entertaining, but ultimately, you decided to help the poor guy out.

“Need some help with that?” You asked with a barely concealed laugh.

He scoffed. “No, I require no assistance.” He said flatly, despite being nearly out of breath. 

And so, you stood back and let him haul the basket closer to the stables, eventually dropping it with a huff right outside the stable door. The nearby dromas looked at his exhausted figure in concern.

After taking a moment to collect himself, he reached into the basket and pulled out a large fruit, which he then held out to the dromas. Without so much as a single cautious sniff, the dromas ate it all in one bite, causing some juice to go flying, right onto the professor’s expensive-looking clothes. You couldn’t help but giggle at that. 

“And what do you find so funny?” He asked in an annoyed tone, turning to look at you with a single piercing eye. The dromas began to lick at his outermost layer of clothing. 

That made you laugh even harder. “Oh- it’s nothing-“ but you couldn’t stop. He merely groaned at you and turned to continue his fruity gifting spree.

About twenty minutes later, he emerged from the stables, empty basket in hand, even more covered in sticky fruit than before.

Somehow, you managed to approach him without laughing. “Come on, let’s clean you up before it stains,” you said, pointing to the small drinking pool across the yard.

“I can do that myself.”

“Then think of it as an apology for laughing at you,” you insisted with a giggle. He just rolled his eyes before stomping over to the water like a petulant child. You followed a few steps behind him.

Once close to the pool, he immediately began stripping the top layers of his intricate clothes off before dunking them in the water.

“Here,” you offered, holding out your hand. He hesitated for a moment before handing you his coat for you to scrub clean with a rag.

You tried to make small talk while you worked. “So, what drew you to dromas’?” You asked.

“Grew up with them.” He said curtly.

“I’m guessing you’re not much of a talker, huh?”

To that, he just glanced at you before going right back to what he was doing. You had a lot more you wanted to ask him, but you’d save those questions for a different time. 

The next time you saw the professor, it was outside Okhema. You and a few others had been tasked with delivering various goods to the grove- with the help of dromas’, of course. 

There was a small crowd awaiting your group's arrival at the main gate, but you only recognized one face among them.

Dismounting your steed, you began to unpack what was being delivered. According to the invoice, the packages surrounding you were books. When checking the recipient, it was, of course, none other than Professor Anaxagoras.

As you walked into his field of vision, he just stood there, arms crossed over his chest, looking unamused.

You put on a small smile. “Hello again, professor,” you greeted. “Looks like I have some books for you.” You held up the slip of paper with his name and order on it.

“Yes. You will help me carry them in.” He said in that characteristic monotone voice of his. It wasn’t a request, it was a demand.

Your already forced smile faded quickly.

“Do you not have students or something to help you with that?” 

He merely stared at you, as if he really expected you to just immediately agree to assist in bringing gods know how many books to his lab.

Before you knew it, you were hauling a large, heavy box up the never-ending steps in the grove. Your annoyance was only heightened by the fact that Anaxagoras carried only about five books, plucked from the top of the pile you carried.

After what seemed like hours, you finally set down the hefty parcel on the floor next to one of the many bookshelves lining the walls of his lab.

You let out a tired huff. “And why couldn’t you get anyone else to help you?” You asked, hand on your hip.

“My students are a bunch of imbeciles, I wouldn’t trust them with a rock.”

That certainly wasn’t the answer you had expected from the man standing across from you, but, you couldn’t say you were displeased to hear that he- a renowned academic- trusted you, a lowly dromas keeper.

[rekino2114]

Giving the drdt girls a plushie of themselves

A/n:a while ago a saw this post on my feed and feel down a rabbit hole of drdt plushies and HELP I NEED 8 OF EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE THEY'RE ALL SO ADORABLE!!!

Teruko tawaki

She looks at you....then at the plushie and then back at you and then genuinely freezes cause she has no idea what to say at this gesture

She may act like she doesn't care that much, but it's just because she doesn't know how to act and has very rarely received plushies, and they remind her of......some good memories. She genuinely loves the plush and as proof you have walked in on her sleeping while cuddling it multiple times

One time the plushie got cut a bit and you joked that it had the same luck as her but teruko took it seriously and started being kinda protective over the plushie cause she really doesn't want it to get hurt or destroyed (she's worried her luck will affect it)

"A-a plushie?..........n-no it's amazing i-i just......thank you......that's all....thank you so much"

Min jeung

Her brain short circuits as she blushes intensely and goes to hold the plushie like it'll explode if she doesn't handle it right

She instantly goes to research literally everything she can about plushies and how to "take care of them" how to wash them if they get dirty, how to mend them if they get cut and whatever else the last thing she wants Is for your amazing gift to get ruined

She particularly loves how you made her eyes under the hair. You always compliment her about them so it's a nice reminder of how beautiful they are to you

"Oh looks like the plushie got torn up a bit, do you want me to fix it?"

"No don't worry I've studied for exactly this, I need a needle, thread and about 15 to 30 minutes of complete focus"

"..................."

Arei nageishi

She freezes for a second before taking the plushie and hugging it and taking a selfie with it and calling it "mini bad bitch" You're very surprised by this as you though she'd hate something this cutesy

I feel like arei is the type to make fun of people who sleep with plushies only to actually have a plushie who she sleeps with too, that plushie instantly turned into the mini her once you gave her that

She will actually beat someone up if they say anything about how it's weird she has a plushie around or about how it looks, that plushie is just as badass as her and absolutely amazing since you made it

"Oh seriously? I..........like it...who knew a plushie version of me could be just as hot and badass and amazing as the original? Although you made it so I shouldn't be surprised"

Hu jing

Immediately goes to hug you and kiss you everywhere and says I love you like 50 times to show you her gratitude. She genuinely thinks it's the most precious and adorable thing on the planet and will treasure it forever

She goes to show it off to the rest of the class and won't take an insult or even someone ignoring her as a valid answer and if they do she will give them a stern talking to about how important it is to appreciate things that other people put effort in making while you're standing there blushing incredibly

She made a plushie of you to pay you back, and somehow it looks better than yours. When you ask, it turns out she actually likes sewing and knitting in her free time......cause of course she does

"Oh my y/n, is that me? My goodness it looks adorable. You must have worked so hard to make it, It's the most absolutely beautiful and cutest thing I've ever seen, I love you so much"

J rosales

The first time she saw it she genuinely thought there was merchandise of her now and was ready to scream and throw it away

But when you said that you actually handmade it, her opinion completely changed and she started to love it even if she might not act like it at first, she pulled her hood up to hide her blushing face while taking it

Even if she doesn't do or say anything that special about it, Just thanking you and putting it in her dorm she actually does really love it and often finds herself staring at it and thinking of you.........whatever you do just don't show it to Arturo

"H-Huh? That's......me? You made that by hand......just for me?.....I......*sighs* just thank you so much

Veronika grebenshchikova

Before you can even finish your sentence she'll tackle you into a hug and start making out with you and peppering your face in kisses while thanking you so many times, you have no idea how much she absolutely adores it, she loves plushies and she loves you so this is absolutely wonderful to her

She kinda hopes you somehow made the plushie haunted or put some kinda curse on it but will understand if it's just a normal plushie, she loves those too after all

You have found the plushie in.....positions it shouldn't be in multiple times, sometimes it's in your bed when you wake up or on a shelf just...staring at you, you have no idea if it's Veronika putting it there to spook you or if she somehow managed to haunt the plushie as both of those possibilities are likely knowing her

"Oh....my...God! Y/n! That's just absolutely adorable, ohhhhh don't tell me, is it haunted by the spirit of a dead girl who wants to kill us as revenge for her tragic past and abuse"

"...........no...I don't think so at least"

"Oh then is it a voodoo doll of me? You know I've heard you can also do some.....pretty intimate stuff with it too"

".....vero it's just a normal plushie I made"

"......oh don't worry darling that's completely fine, you know how much I love plushies and now there's one of me?! Thank you so much"

Rose lacroix

Just takes it and hugs it incredibly tightly before putting her beret on it to see how cute it is with it

She definitely made a painting of the plushie and you to thank you, she wanted to make a full-on plushie of you like you did to her but realized she actually couldn't make it so she just stuck to what she's good at and made you an amazing painting

It becomes her second favorite thing to cuddle after you. She takes a lot of naps already, and now she makes sure her plushie gets all the naps it needs too. She also just brings to cuddle between you two sometimes

"Oh y/n it's beautiful thanks, it really does look like me I love it, oh and it's super soft and comfortable too this is great"

[sillygoofyqueer]

MAD. SCIENTIST. WEI. WUXIAN. AU. I CAN DO THIS, COME ON, WHOOP WHOOP!!! I CAN FUCKEN DO THIS. This may seem like it's jumping ahead a littol in the timeline of things but honestly you wouldn't really notice unless you were me and you had planned out the entire timeline in your head. One day I will write the fanfiction for this, I do promise that, I just want to get at least *checks notes* at LEAST halfway through Losing Hope before I take on something else so big. Wei Ying knows that he cannot raise A-Yuan on his own, not without some form of help. He of course allows his family to help but honestly, they're all reeling from the loss of the rest of their family and they have other responsibilities (and, in Xue Yang's case, is a child). People don't trust Wei Ying to do things around camp because, although he is fighting on their side, he is still an Unnatural Being that is working with forces far beyond most people's comprehension. So, all he can really focus on is looking after A-Yuan. It's nothing if not one of the best things for him, honestly, because he truly would die to keep the little guy alive and he has started mentally labelling him as his son before correcting himself because A-Yuan deserves better than that. Plus, it has helped him steer clear of just constantly messing around with resentful energy because a baby simply cannot be around such things without being negatively affected in some way.

He does still need to mess around with resentful energy though, as it is basically the only reason he and his family are not already dead in the eyes of some people in the camp. He needs to do this, and he also does - according to Qing-jie - 'need to sleep' instead of spending all of his time watching over A-Yuan as he sleeps to make sure nothing bad happens to him if he looks away. There is also the big factor of the resentful energy is starting to withdraw in increments from his body so that his golden core can start properly healing it, causing impossible agony to seep into his daily life to the point where he sometimes cannot leave his tent despite his best efforts. That is where possibly the greatest boy alive, someone so great and good that it is a shock he still chooses to be around Wei Ying willingly, comes in. Lan Zhan is always there to help look after A-Yuan; playing songs to help him fall asleep, helping calm him down when he cries, looking after him when Wei Ying is stuck in his bed, curled up to ward off indescribable pain.

No matter what the rest of his family says, Wei Ying knows that Lan Zhan is far too good for him. He knows that the boy could never even think of looking at him the way Wei Ying dreams of him almost every night. So, he contents himself with watching as Lan Zhan sits beside A-Yuan on the floor and quietly distracts him from reaching out to Wei Ying with confused little babbles when he cannot reach back, wrapped tightly in his blanket. Every time he hurts Sometimes, Lan Zhan will also drape his outer robe over him, not saying anything (he's pretty sure that the boy overheard him talking to A-Yuan about how Lan Zhan smells nice, which is. Embarrassing). A-Yuan likes Lan Zhan, babbling to him about anything that goes on in his baby brain while he pats at the boy's face, and Lan Zhan replies seriously as though they are having a proper conversation. It's so cute. They're so cute. It makes everything worth it.

Of course, even with all of the warmth and cosiness inside his tent, there is still a war going on outside of the fabric walls. He slaves over work even when he cannot move, staring at all of the scrolls he has filled with notes and ideas, talisman designs scattered all over the floor and crows flitting about with messages from the whole Jianghu and the Burial Mounds (strange little childish doodles with messy stick figures and strange smiles). When he cannot focus properly with all the pressure to work even if he cannot work, he takes a crack at Jin Zixuan's request for a talisman that can identify blood relatives. It's a casual, relaxing thing to work on, something difficult but not too hard compared to everything else he's expected to create quickly and efficiently. It's not even a waste of his time, because otherwise it would be used doing absolutely nothing in his bedroll, and it's fulfilling a zongzhu's wishes at the same time!

When he finally works out the perfect talisman for it, using a very willing Lan Zhan and Lan-Zongzhu as test subjects, he doesn't even care about the pain he's in as he bounds on over to the Jin side of the camp (with Lan Zhan). Jin Zixuan is surprised it's been done so quickly, certain that it would be put off until after the more important things were completed, but Wei Wuxian says that family is most important in times like these, and he is extremely thankful for what Wei Wuxian has done for him. He's shown how to use the talisman, and then he's given it to try himself. He's got no reason to believe that there would be anyone he's related to in the war camp, but who even knows with his father? So, he imbues the talisman with qi, then adds a drop of his blood. He doesn't expect there to be a golden string of light shooting out almost instantly, offset by a few, much fainter lights.

Wei Wuxian tells him that the brighter it is, the closer they are, so he's basically off and running through the camp, clutching this talisman and following the brightest string of light. Meanwhile, Meng Yao is trying out sword forms with an unsurprisingly eager Xue Yang at the edge of the forest, Nie Huaisang painting the scenery nearby, and is rather surprised when a sudden golden strand appears out of nowhere and attaches to his wrist. They panic over it a little bit, Xue Yang offers to cut off his hand and honestly, he's willing to let the twelve year old slice it off when a very familiar face comes darting into view near one of the tents. Jin Zixuan stares at him, holding the talisman, and he stares back, not really sure what to do with himself. Then, all of a sudden, Jin Zixuan smiles awkwardly but sincerely (Jiang Yanli has been teaching him what she calls 'social skills') "hi. I'm Jin Zixuan," as if this isn't well known, you dumbass, "you're Meng Yao, right? According to this talisman, you're...likely a half-brother of mine."

[leupagus]

I forgot that a) I'd written this and b) that it can basically work as a prequel to deep breath and off you go.

Here's some more I wrote like a month ago when I thought "haha this is a neat show with a fun little cast, but I'm sure it won't be a new hyperfixation or anything"

-

He gets back to Pittsburgh with almost thirty minutes to spare before his shift starts — the day shift, part of his deal with Robby and the neverending nightmare that is the Pitt schedule. It’s probably not a great idea to pull a twelve-hour shift immediately after flying across the country, but Jack gives a metaphorical shrug and drives straight to PTMC. It’s not like he’s going to make good choices anyway, and this beats getting blind drunk and punching a wall until his knuckles bleed.

“Hey, the prodigal son returns,” cheers Robby, from where he’s leaning against the Hub’s partition. He looks happy, as well he should — he’s taking a week off himself, courtesy of taking Jack’s night shifts this past week coupled with Heather’s fraying patience. “Did you turn out to know the way to Santa Fe?”

“The song’s about San Jose, not Santa Fe,” Dana says, circling around the partition to give Jack a brisk kiss on the cheek. “Thank God, someone to rescue me from these maniacs.”

“Might be a little bit of a frying pan/fire situation, slugger,” Jack says. “Plane was delayed, I just got in about forty-five minutes ago. So I might end up hallucinating around two or three p.m.”

“Oh boy,” Dana says. Without even looking up as she thwacks Robby on the shoulder.

“Ow, what,” Robby whines.

“Did you even ask him how he’s doing?” she demands. Since Jack spent a worryingly large portion of his time before, during and after the funeral sending thumbs-up emojis to the group chat’s questions about his mental state, Jack thinks that’s a little bit overkill. But Dana’s always had this weird idea about how emotions need to get expressed, or whatever.

“He just walked in the door,” Robby points out. “Also, I counted twenty-eight thumbs-ups he sent us in the group chat over the weekend.”

Dana gives him the fish-eye from over the tops of her glasses. “How do you get laid on a regular basis,” she asks, flabbergasted.

“It’s a mystery to me too,” Robby says, before turning to Jack. “How are you?”

“I’m fine,” Jack sighs, and makes shooing motions at Robby. “You, leave.”

Heather, who’d been one of the only people to act like a normal goddamn person about Dad dying and all, had spent the weekend complaining over text about Robby. Since complaining about Robby was one of his favorite things to do, Jack was delighted to offer whatever advice or commiseration he could; it wasn’t until Saturday, while him and Ma were getting comprehensively shitfaced in Dad’s woodworking shed, that Heather had made the horrifying confession that she was fucking Robby. Again.

Warnings and dire predictions of disaster had done nothing to convince her of the error of her ways; instead she kept asking how she could convince Robby to take some time off. I want to talk to him about what he wants out of this, and I can’t do that if he can just run away to the Pitt if he starts catching feelings.

Jack suspects the worst thing for any possible future between Robby and Heather is for Robby to catch any more feelings than he already has, but that’s Heather’s problem. Just tell him you rented a bang shack for a week and get some lingerie and idk handcuffs, he’d proposed, which weirdly wasn’t well-received. But she ended up getting a cabin down in the Monongahela National Forest, so really, who’s a “crass caveman” now?

Even with the prospect of Heather Collins in lacy underwear doesn’t seem to be getting Robby out the door any faster, though. “Are you sure, man?” he says, frowning at Jack. “I can stick around—"

“No you can’t,” Jack says, continuing his shooing motions. “Seriously, get out of here. Heather’s going to kill me if you do that fucking Minnesota Goodbye shit today.”

“And bury you where they won’t even find the body,” Heather says as she breezes past, one of their new medical students trailing after her like a baby duck.

“I’m not even clocked in and I’m already facing workplace harassment,” Jack complains.

Dana laughs. “Sounds like something you should bring up with the Chair of the Department.”

“Yeah, uh,” Robby says, as eloquent as ever as his gaze trails after Heather. It’s extremely hilarious and pathetic all at the same time. Jack is very, very happy for them both, not the least because there’s room for one suicidal ideation case in the Pitt and Jack has dibs. He wants better than that for Robby, a man who’s dragged Jack out of more holes than he can count. He just doesn’t want to know the details.

“Well said,” he says, and goes off to find Ellis.

He finds Mohan instead, looking ever-so-slightly crazy in West 13 with an anesthetized head lac and an impressive pair of bags under her eyes. “Dr. Abbot,” she chirps as he hesitates at the doorway. “How was New Mexico? I’ve heard it’s beautiful, I’ve never been. Not to most of the Southwest, actually — I was in Las Vegas a couple years ago for my cousin’s wedding, I guess that counts? But I didn’t leave the hotel, I was something like three weeks out from my certs and I’d brought all my books and study materials with me. I forgot an actual dress for the wedding, ended up borrowing my other cousin’s spare suit. Somewhere or other there’s a bunch of pictures with me and the bridesmaids like I’m a lesbian Casanova.” She stops talking abruptly and frowns. “Was all of that out loud?”

“Sure was,” he says, amused. Even sleep-deprived and babbling, she’s still a sight for sore eyes. “How long have you been here?”

“What time is it?” she asks, continuing her work on the laceration. Her stitches are perfectly in line, not a tremor in her hand.

“Seven a.m.,” he says. He leans up against the doorsill and watches her for a few minutes. It’s not the best use of his time, but he hasn’t seen her for more than a week and he knows she won’t mind. Won’t even notice, probably. She has nice hands — not dainty so much as deft, like she’d taken piano when she was a kid. There’s an assurance to the way she touches things, careful but firm, like she knows exactly what every movement means.

“What day?” she asks.

That yanks him right out of his daydreaming. “Samira, tell me you haven’t been here for over twenty-four hours.” He’s going to have to kill Robby and then get killed by Heather.

“I will not tell you that,” she says cheerfully.

“Why?”

“Because like all emergency medicine doctors, I have a finely-tuned sense of avoidance.” She finishes the last stitch and takes off the sterile paper covering. The patient, a 39-year-old waiting on the ICU, doesn’t stir. “And my aunt and uncle are in town and have taken over my apartment and if I have to stay there one more second entertaining them and my annoying cousin who’s just gotten accepted early admission to Carnegie-Mellon, I will probably kill them. Or at least maim them. So I’m here instead, and I think that’s very professional of me, actually.”

“Lotta homicidal impulses happening tonight,” Dana warns him, coming up beside him in the doorway. “You sure you want to stick around?”

“Why the hell didn’t Robby or you send her home?” Jack says, sticking his thumb over at Mohan.

“Because I’ve got an aunt and uncle just like ‘em,” Dana says unsympathetically, patting him on the shoulder, “and because I thought it’d be funnier to leave it with you.”

Tentative title is "Dana once offered to spread the rumor that she and Jack were sleeping together just to get the gossipers off his back, but Jack truthfully told her that everyone would know she was too good for him" although it might be a little long

continued from this, because there is nothing funnier than a middle-aged doctor who keeps getting nonconsentually paired up with every hot colleague at his hospital and would like it all to Stop Please.

-

Jack’s used to it, is the thing. Has been for his whole life; he’s the only boy in a family of five, with all the attendant you-must-carry-on-the-family-name expectations. Starting when he was about nine years old, people had questions about every girl he talked to. Ooh she seems nice, oh what’s her name, ooooh do you liiiiiike her? He’d probably be more annoyed about it except for the fact (which his mom liked to remind him at every opportunity) that the first time it ever happened was with Leslie, who he married as soon as he could and stayed married to as long as he could.

Turned out it wasn’t long enough, but the point is that he honestly can’t remember a time when people didn’t take a weird, invasive interest in his personal life.

“What personal life, out of morbid curiosity?” asks Lena, peering at him over her glasses. “Also why are you here?”

It’s 0300 the night of (technically, the morning after) Pittfest; the custodians are still getting the last of the rooms cleaned up after the chaos, but everything else is more or less back to normal. Jack managed to get almost four hours’ sleep before his bum leg prodded at him with phantom pains, the kind that only go away when he’s giving himself some actual pain to focus on. So here he is on his night off, and the charge nurse is giving him shit.

“Ow,” Jack remarks, pressing his hand over his heart. “Starting to feel a little unloved, boss. Didn’t you miss me?”

“Didn’t have a chance to,” says Lena, with a twinkle in her eye. “You left four hours ago, remember?” 

“Like it was a mere four hours ago,” he says agreeably. Lena’s mean as shit to most of the attendings and actively violent with HR, but she’s got a soft spot for Jack, which is usually a good thing.

Except for times like this, when it leads her to add, “But sounds like someone on days loved you plenty.”

“Oh, no,” Jack mutters, and tries to brace for it even as he scans the board — relatively easy night so far, Ellis and Shen and Yao with four patients each and Chairs down to an eight-hour wait. “What’d you hear, boss?”

“I heard that Doctor Mohan was very impressed with you,” Lena coos, just as Shen goes striding past.

“Woah, we talking about Sam? Dude,” Shen says, and offers what Jack assumes are very supportive finger guns. “She was talking about that little warzone crike kit you pulled out for hours. So after you guys left, did you and her—” He makes little pah-pow noises, his eyebrows raised interrogatively.

“You call her Sam?” Jack says, not sure if he’s more disconcerted by the noises, the nickname, or by the brand-new rumor that he’s shtupping Mohan. “And no, we didn’t, and no,” he adds, turning to point at Lena, “she wasn’t. Isn’t.”

“Wasn’t isn’t what, hon?” Lena asks innocently. 

Ellis, walking past with Janie, slows down with a way-too-alert expression on her face. “Who wasn’t isn’t?”

“Nobody,” says Jack, at the same time as Shen says, “Sam,” and Lena says, “Doctor Mohan,” with relish.

“Ohhh, so that’s finally happened?” asks Janie, clasping her hands together. Jack hates all of them and is going to ask for a transfer to a hospital in Anchorage. Or Mars, that weird rich guy must need doctors for colonizing Mars, right?

“No, it hasn’t happened,” he says, as level as he can manage. “Just like it hasn’t happened with… let’s see, last year it was Dr. McKay, year before that it was Nurse Jesse, year before that it was you,” he points to Ellis, who looks as grossed out as he’d been at the time. “Yeah. So thank you to all my yenta people—” he’ll have to ask Robby about the plural of yenta is— “but Dr. Mohan and I are not dating, nor are we…whatever that finger guns thing was supposed to imply.”

“It was supposed to imply fucking,” Shen says helpfully.

“You know, they had a betting pool on the two of us at one point,” he says, just for the joy of seeing all the color drain out of Shen’s face. Then multiple GSWs come sailing in from the ambulance bay and they’ve got to deal with that, and he hasn’t even put his bag down yet.